To consider this life change?

[butchsylvestertomjerrybugs]

This might be a bit disjointed as it's all a bit messy in my head.

Currently live in London with my fiancé and my ds and dss. Fiancé works in a private school outside London, I work PT as admin assistant in a college in London.

As an employee of this private school, my fiancé is eligible for a very cheap rental home in the grounds of the school and our children are eligible to attend the school at a fraction of the cost. I have never considered private school for my ds but now that it's a possibility it seems like such an amazing opportunity that I would be mad to pass up.

But... It would mean moving outside London (to be able to afford the fees for both children we'd have to move to the cheap rental on site) and I would have to leave my job.

This could be a great opportunity to have a career change, then. I have 5 years to think about it / get relevant training. I really have no idea where to start so I will begin with things that interest me:

Child psychology / working with children or young adults
Educating people on domestic violence
Beauty therapy
Books

On the other hand... Where I work at the moment is a really cushy number. I like working PT. My job is piss easy. But it's just a comfort zone thing and I do feel I need to evolve and grow, especially once my ds is out of primary school in 5 years.

I am scared of this change, AIBU to consider it and to be overwhelmed at the prospect? To move out of the city, to change our whole (comfortable) lives? I can't even drive so that's another hurdle to overcome.

Sorry that was long. Thanks if you got this far. Any thoughts welcome.

DPs parents offered to help us stump up for a house deposit a while ago ... We would arrange a monthly repayment scheme. We were considering buying housing up north and renting it out. It's another option.

Both the private school and dss other potential secondary school are in the same town.

The option of moving into the school property and sending both kids to the local school while we have another baby is there, and it's tempting. But... I just think my ds would absolutely thrive in this private school.

To PP who said I'd need more than 5 years training in psychology... This is what I'm afraid of. Starting out in a field I have no experience in and training for years when I should or could be doing something else
God, I'm rambling...

I am Dutch and moved with my fiance to India. From a very good career. Gave it all up, just to be with him (love and all that). Came to the UK 2 years later with a baby, and with no work experience in the UK. Would I recommend it? No. Your situation is vastly different though. You are NOT in a great career now. Trust me, there are plenty of part time, easy, admin jobs in the countryside. So you could always go back to that. It does sort of depend where in the countryside. We are in Surrey, and it's definitely fine here. If the private school is truly in the sticks, it may be different. Regardless of where you are there are always jobs for GPs, physiotherapists, old age homes, PA's in schools, and any of the above. There may well always be jobs for those who have done social care. So definitely. Go for it! You have got a life ahead of you. And when the children are young, you can make new friends easily. Perhaps do make a couple of things clear to the fiance though: You giving up your job for his, means something in return. eg. shared finance, or better even get married. I 'negotiated' I would be happy to do the baby, but not the cleaning. Before you know it you are stuck at home with 2 babies and no time to study. Now is the time to negotiate the rules that will help him AND YOU to achieve what you have always wanted. Don't leave this till you have moved. Once you have, and he is in a busy job and the sole income provider, he will feel he needs to buckle down and you have the 'perfect free life'.

Thank you madwinter

You are so right about setting out the rules now, especially if we go down the baby route. In fact, if we did decide to have a child I couldn't leave my job until I did so (maternity pay). If I wanted to, I could stay at my job in London until whenever. It would mean an hour and half travel, but I could do it.

Really my problem is not wanting to know what I want to achieve in the next 5 years...

Retrain? If so... In what??
Have a baby?
Stick with my old job?
Get a similar job in the new town, when the time comes?

So confused.

*not knowing what I want to achieve

And also... Yes... No way I would want to be provided for by DP. I have always and will always provide income. I won't ever depend on anyone to provide for me.

Are you sure that the staff discount would apply to your DS?

Could you still afford the full fees if husband changes jobs?
Seems like a bit of golden handcuffs and that all your decisions are being made around school choice.

Hundresacrewood... Yes I'm sure.

Stupidis... DP isn't changing jobs. He's always said our dcs may be able to go to the school but it was confirmed recently because his ds is due to go to secondary school in 2 years and he made formal enquiries with the bursar and master of the school. They confirmed.

You have to think about the future. You're going to be working for the next 30-40 years and then somehow have saved enough to get you through retirement. A PT job just isn't going to cut it, realistically. Especially a low paid admin job which are ten a penny.

And I'm going to say something fairly brutal - at some point you're going to be competing with people 20 years younger than you for these admin jobs. You're going to be at a disadvantage. It's all very well people saying there's value in experience, and there is, but not everyone sees it, or cares.

So you have a good opportunity now. There are loads of well paid jobs in a college/school environment if you like where you are now. Business manager, HR, data, exams. All of these are within your reach in the next five years. The 'working with people' jobs are on the whole less well paid unless you're a teacher.

Maybe I have misunderstood, but I think I am reading that you are considering putting plans to buy a house on hold, in order to pay albeit at a reduced rate for private education

Usually, I am all for parent choice but is this really sensible. I've read threads on here saying that saving the money for a deposit for the DC is a better use of money than university.

Where will you live when you retire. What are your pension options ?

This is the thing... Where I am at the moment is well paid. 21 hours a week and I get almost 18k. There is potential for full time work once ds is in secondary school. Pension scheme is very good too. But... Travelling into London every day isn't a pretty thought and also very expensive.

I worry about starting out on a new career and knowing I will have to take a pay cut and having to work extra hard because like you say... Its harder the older you get.

I do love art, makeup, nails, massage etc and I wonder if completely changing tack and going down this route would be an option. I am not sure I could go into full on study mode again. But is being... I dunno... A beauty therapist... Viable?

I feel like I'm being really neurotic about all this. I've just never had opportunites like this before. It's overwhelming.

Finallyhere...DPs parents are well off and have offered to help with a deposit on a home (when they spoke of this before we said no because we felt we could save by ourselves. Now this school thing has come up things have changed so we could take them up on the offer. We'd set up a low monthly payment scheme with them). We could potentially buy a place and rent it out, with the help of PIL.

I mentioned my pension scheme up thread and my dp is also in a good pension scheme.

We haven't got as far as thinking about retirement. However dp is an only child so PIL house will eventually be left to him. I know that sounds like an awful thing to consider but it's the reality.

If your dp parents need care there may be no house to leave.

I think another thing to consider here is whether your DS will be happy moving away from all of his peers to go to this school. I'm not saying this is true for everyone and some kids love change but I know a few people who were moved to private education at secondary age and hated every minute of it.

AskMeHow this is true. I'm not sure the possibility of DPs parents becoming ill should effect our near future decisions though?

Emac we spoke to my ds about it the other day, he's been to the school a few times. He said he'd love to go. I know he's just a child but he's extremely head strong. I am 99.9% sure he'd adapt really well and fit in. Like I said we aren't too sure about dss but my dc certainly would.

If he did end up hating it, we would of course consider moving him.

Is the school in Berkshire, not far from Reading? If so, I'd do it. It's a fab area with loads of opportunities.

School isn't in Berkshire but in another county surrounding London.

Being a beauty therapist is perfectly ‘viable’ - but if you’re looking towards a shared future based at a school, where you also live, surely it would be better to think of yourself and your soon to be husband as a professional team.

Independent schools that offer staff accomodation really like couples who can both offer something to the school (and take on a house if it’s boarding). And then you look for promotion on that basis.

The houseparents I’ve known seem to lead rather fun (if extremely busy) lives. With long holidays which they spend in the houses they’ve bought with all the money saved during term time. (Perhaps you need a better deal on fees?)

George... Thank you for your post.

It is a boarding school (but also day pupils too which is what out dc would be doing)

You make a good point about the school wanting us to both offer something, my dp did say that... But it just scares me, the prospect of living and working at the same place and in the same place as my children and dp. Would I feel trapped?? Like I would not have a life outside the school? It all sounds idyllic but what would the reality be like?

The holiday thing... Could be sold on that. They have rather long holidays!!

Well ... Presumably if he teaches and you worked on the pastoral side you would have separate realms during the day. Ideally you could construct the type of job that involves lots of meetings/ conferences / outreach off-site.

Really it depends entirely on whether you think you’d love that environment and not find it suffocating. How well do you know the school now? Do you like being surrounded by children?

You mentioned art? As an extra curricular or therapeutic thing that could be part of the portfolio of skills you take to the school.

Obviously you don’t have to take this route! Some houseparents’ partners work elsewhere. Would that make a difference to the school/house situation?

I don’t know how it is now but a few years ago when a friend of mine was training to be a child psychologist she needed her 2 degrees in psychology and two years working full time in a teaching role in a school to even be considered .

We would be seperate. I mean the school is absolutely massive. We wouldn't be in each others pockets.

I love children and I love being around them. They keep you young! I always wanted to be a teacher but didn't go down that route for one reason or another and I feel too old to go into that now.

Maybe art therapy might be an option?

I don’t know how it is now but a few years ago when a friend of mine was training to be a child psychologist she needed her 2 degrees in psychology and two years working full time in a teaching role in a school to even be considered

Well this answers my question. That's something I definitely wouldn't be up for this. I'm too long in the tooth!

I'm puzzled why you wouldn't move for another 5 years. Surely it would make sense to move now and save for a house by living in dirt cheap accommodation. You could probably easily get work in the school too. They might be looking for house mothers, office admin, possibly child counsellors etc too. You could even find out where they might perceive a shortfall in their staff's training and if it's an area that interests you, get qualified in it.

I'd do it, no question.

I would imagine so. It would be great if you could combine work in the school with a wider community practice.

Growlingbear... My dc goes to a wonderful primary school (it came top 5 in the country league table) and ideally I'd like him to continue until he finishes in 5 years. If we move to the cheap housing, the journey wouldn't be viable for him. It is an option to move him now, one that we will consider, but one I'd have to think really really hard about.