To consider this life change?

[butchsylvestertomjerrybugs]

This might be a bit disjointed as it's all a bit messy in my head.

Currently live in London with my fiancé and my ds and dss. Fiancé works in a private school outside London, I work PT as admin assistant in a college in London.

As an employee of this private school, my fiancé is eligible for a very cheap rental home in the grounds of the school and our children are eligible to attend the school at a fraction of the cost. I have never considered private school for my ds but now that it's a possibility it seems like such an amazing opportunity that I would be mad to pass up.

But... It would mean moving outside London (to be able to afford the fees for both children we'd have to move to the cheap rental on site) and I would have to leave my job.

This could be a great opportunity to have a career change, then. I have 5 years to think about it / get relevant training. I really have no idea where to start so I will begin with things that interest me:

Child psychology / working with children or young adults
Educating people on domestic violence
Beauty therapy
Books

On the other hand... Where I work at the moment is a really cushy number. I like working PT. My job is piss easy. But it's just a comfort zone thing and I do feel I need to evolve and grow, especially once my ds is out of primary school in 5 years.

I am scared of this change, AIBU to consider it and to be overwhelmed at the prospect? To move out of the city, to change our whole (comfortable) lives? I can't even drive so that's another hurdle to overcome.

Sorry that was long. Thanks if you got this far. Any thoughts welcome.

They might be looking for house mothers, office admin, possibly child counsellors etc too.

I’d sincerely hope that (apart from the admin) the school wouldn’t be flinging specialised roles at random spouses, without evidence of experience or qualifications!

It would be great if you could combine work in the school with a wider community practice

What do you mean by wider community practice, George?

It’s not my area so I’ve googled. This might be helpful:

www.prospects.ac.uk/job-profiles/art-therapist

It is very difficult to get a buy to let property as a first property unless you don't have a mortgage. I'd buy a property quickly now, live in it for 6 months and then apply for permission to let and then if that is granted, move into the tied accommodation. As an added bonus you won't have to pay capital gains tax. You will need to fully understand your legal obligations as a landlord.

Very helpful George thank you.

Food for thought, lightsabre. Will talk to dp later

I'm not sure the possibility of DPs parents becoming ill should effect our near future decisions though?

Nor is it wise to base your decision making on an assumption of an inheritance to come, which will in all probability be used in care home fees.

What is there to think about ? Get the boxes packed and hitch the waggon

@GeorgeTheBleeder You didn't read my post properly. I suggested asking the school what they might need and then training for it if there was a role OP was interested in.

Nor is it wise to base your decision making on an assumption of an inheritance to come, which will in all probability be used in care home fees.

This is what I meant but obviously failed to put across! OP should be planning her future on the basis of what she and her partner can earn. If her DPs parents can give them money for a deposit, that is much more of a solid financial plan than an inheritance that may or may not arrive.

First of all, work out what is the most important decision and prioritise that. So far you've mentioned:
another child
education (for you & existing children)
housing
career.

Decide which of these is most important to you, then what you want to do about it. Then that affects the other decisions. Until you know which one(s) of these are the deal breaker, you will keep going in circles.

By 'wider community' as someone said, you could be self employed as an art therapist, do some teaching and clubs at the school, and also holds events/classes in the town. If there's a church hall you could have Thurs even wine & art classes for adults etc.

God, we're really not depending on inheritance at all. I just said it because I thought it might be relevant, I realise it's not really. DP is high earner and in a stable position in which his pay will be increasing. We are really okay for money, which is why and how we are able to consider this all.

My part time job is well paid at around 18k. If I kept my job and went FT I'd obviously be earning a lot more.

KickAss thanks that's helpful. I really do need to put things in order of importance.

Education for existing children and housing come first.

Baby and my education /career come in second... I can't decide which I want more out of these two. Both are hard work and both are rewarding.

Driving is just a given.

I'm not used to having choices like this. I feel really privileged and happy. It's just daunting making decisions. My DP is supportive of whatever I decide to do. He'd love a child but also understands that if I want to do something with my career then that's what I should do. He gets that I've never had these chances in life and he thinks I need to do something for just myself instead of for my dc. I'm torn between new career and having another child I guess.

OK - so education for existing children implies that you move to your DP's school. It means you won't be able to save towards your own house for now, so you need to consider if you getting a FT job would allow it, and also think about pensions. Houses that come with jobs are great, but you need somewhere to live when you retire.

Commuting into London doesn't seem like a long-term possibility. Is there some training you'd like to do that you can do PT before you move, or FT if you move and stop working?

You sound like you're mid 40s. If you want a baby, then decide that asap. as it would have to happen before a FT training course. You can combine the two, but new home, new school for DS(S), new job and new baby sounds like it would drive you crazy. So - think that you're likely to move in 3 - 5 years (once you've decided to move, why would you stay?). Decide if you want a baby to be part of that life, or a new career/job etc. Do you see yourself pushing a pram around the new town, going to mum & baby groups, or do you see yourself starting up a new job, going for drinks with colleagues? Or, if you want it all, you need to have a word with your lazy side and agree that lie-ins and lazy evenings won't be happening for another decade or so.

After just battling with dc to get in bed I must be fucking mad to consider another one!!!!! 😂 😂 😂

Thank you kickAss. Like I said buying a house isn't actually a big problem because PIL are happy to put down deposit any time we want, and we will pay them back monthly. We'd then look to rent it out.

Also if I'm being realistic, there's a chance only 1 dc will end up at the private school so that would cut the fees by half. We will really be okay for money in the long term.

Hmm.. Do I want to be pushing a pram around my new place or going for drinks with new colleagues? That's a hard one. Perhaps, like you say, with the right training at the right time... I could do both. I have lots of friends who have done it. I know I could if I set my mind to it. I just need to make the decision...

... And not mid 40s! Not even 40!

OK - I was just looking at the bit where you said it was 25 years since you were in education.

If you're in your 30s you DO have more time to do all of these things - but for your own sanity, try no to do all of them at once. You'd probably get through it, but it would be a lot of hard work.

My part time job is well paid at around 18k

What sort of pension does that allow you (as a family) to build up for yourself? Are you in track with your pension savings ?

I'm not entirely sure to be honest, Finally. Something I need to check out are our pensions.