To be in awe at what a show off this dad was

[Driveamazdashopatasda]

I'm just back from taking my youngest to the paddling pool/splash park at the leisure centre. It's for under eights, so the morning session is full of the usual assortment of parents with babies and toddlers

This very muscled, tattooed dad was there with his toddler son. He was definitely performance parenting, chucking the child around, hooraying all over the place, and quite obviously looking round to check that everyone else was watching him. He was being a bit of a pain, to be honest, perching on top of the giant mushroom spouting water thing, jumping off, making huge waves which caused a mini tsunami to hit the babies in their floaty things, that sort of nonsense. I could see a few of the other mums rolling their eyes. The pool is not huge and is really not the place for that sort of bouncing around.

Imagine our surprise when this idiot then dropped to the ground in the shallowest end of the splash pool and started doing press ups complete with loud grunting and hand claps, and yells of "come on, Child's Name! Time me, time me! Huh! Huh! Huh!" I think he got to about twenty

Child in question was sitting under a stream of water looking utterly baffled.

Everyone was like this

Bloody press ups in the paddling pool!

floribunda18
To be fair, it was quite sweet the first time. Less so the next 10 times.

Ha, we have one of those dad's at our school - hanging upside down by his feet from the monkey bars then doing pull ups like that. What. a. twat. Well done mate, great core strength, now would you ever feck off the kids play equipment so they can have a turn?

If it is, then they've deleted it @DisneySpendingMoney

Not performance as such, but a couple of years ago while on holiday a Ukrainian man, dressed like man at C&A circa 1974 came down to the pool and stripped down to his underpants ( also C&A 1974 job ) He looked to be in his fifties.

He went up to a couple of young women who were sunbathing and barked something at them while showing them his phone.

The next thing, he was running up the steps of the water slide before coming down it as one of the women filmed him.

He would then check the footage before repeating his slide, in different poses. At one point coming down the slide while looking over the side in the direction of the camera with a big grin on his face.

Eventually satisfied, he put his Man at C&A 1974 suit and shirt back on over his now wet undies and stalked off.

He was like a Ukrainian Mr Bean.

My new nephew doesn't stand a chance.

BIL and SIL are ballet dancers/ex gymnasts and are always flinging themselves around, doing the splits at the bus stop, walking round in handstand at the park, doing pull ups on street signs etc. Recently, at 42 weeks pregnant and attending a child's birthday party, SIL decided she needed to stretch her back. So she reached her arms up above her head and then slowly folded in half at the waist (fuck knows how with her ginormo bump). Then BIL climbed on her back and stretched round her whilst intoning "streeeetch it out baby". It was like a really fucked up, prolonged piggy back with him repeatedly congratulating her on her flexibility. The small children and parents by the beige buffet were utterly aghast. Presumably, this behaviour will escalate now they have a separate human vessel through which to channel this madness.

(I LOVE them by the way. They're great. But performers in every way)

The best one I heard was where a 6 year old was reciting the names of the periodic table whilst reading a poster with the abbreviations. Dad bursting with pride. Son turns round and says "Daddy it's just like those flash cards you've been doing with me"

I always love the people who come on these threads to explain exactly why they're not performance parenting.

If you're not doing it for other people then you're not a performance parent. But if you get hyper-defensive at the mere mention of performance parenting then you probably are a performance parent.

Oh god @ShowOfHands I am crying laughing 😂😂. I once found myself sitting next to Wayne Sleep at an Indian restaurant waiting for a take away. When the waiter called his name he practically pirouetted to the cash desk 😂😂

You know it when you see it. It’s hard to define but undeniable. Talking to your kid in public about swotty things - fine. Doing so VERY LOUDLY whilst giving other adults the side eye to check they have clocked how awesome you are - performance parent. My friend used to shout phases in French at her toddler in a broad northern accent at high volume. Every time she did it I died inside.

OK I got a live one! Another peacock story: this one isn't performance parenting, but it does involve peacocks and a swimming pool and happened just this morning. Went for my weekly swim and steam-room session afterwards. I'd been in the steam room a short while when Pea Cock (over 50 I'd say) steps in.

You know how steam rooms generally have u-shaped seating? Well, this guy arranges himself in an extreme form of man spread. Legs at a 90-degree angle, right leg along the back plinth of the 'u' facing the door, left leg along the side plinth. And yes, it really was the bad sight of the week.

I looked up and spluttered with laughter, making no attempt to disguise it.

What. A. Cock.

What. A. Cock

Please could you just clarify?

"What. A. Cock." as in "that man is a dick"

Or

"What. A. Cock." as in "that's the most impressive penis I've ever seen!"

?

I was wondering the same @SkyDivingPussyCat

Sorry @SkydivingKittyCat

Slow news day on MN I guess. Man Shows Off is like Dog Bites Man....

I knew someone who over performanced.
Reception was make something ..
Hers was like a paid for all singing and dancing item, mine was made by my 4 year old entirely... She told everyone I had cheated and made it when DD won the prize.

We had a family friend who was a performance dad. I remember hearing my mum say he may as well just slap his testicles onto the coffee table and command everyone to praise them

Oh Oh Oh I've just remembered another one (if anyone from a certain West London NCT class circa 2005 is reading this, look away now).

Everyone in the group is having their PFB so completely green. Post all the babies in the NCT class arriving, we start doing weekly - or maybe it was fortnightly - coffee mornings where we all sit looking like sleep-deprived rabbits in headlights at each other and take reassurance from the fact that everyone else is also just winging it.

We are ALL just pretending to know what we are doing - all except one. So this one new mum - let's call her Sophie - has already slightly grated during class with her "hypno-birthing only and anything less is shameless" attitude, and endless chat of how her DH and her are using massage oils to keep her perineum supple (YES REALLY), so to be fair we are already hyper-vigilant for cockery. And she delivers in spades...

Whenever we are in a cafe, we spend the whole time listening to her doing her loud special voice whilst she talks to Baby Elodie in the third person saying things like "Who rolled over on Saturday? Was it you Elodie? Was it? Did you do it ALL by yourself? Oh yes you did darling.
Who is mummy's little milestone beater? Is it you?..." etc etc But the most notable time was the day we were sat in a coffee shop and the my DD was howling so the waiter came over and was trying to distract her with something on a phone. Performance Mum swiped him away and then started on to my DD (aged about six months) about 'how we don't want to look at nasty screens' and then proceeded to INSIST in a very LOUD voice that 'Baby Elodie hated the TV so much that they've got rid of it'. We all sat there with our mouths open and eventually one of the other mums asked if that meant that they no longer had a tv, which she confirmed. "So she's never watched a single programme ever?" we asked

"Oh we sometimes let her watch FRENCH FILMS on a laptop. She conceded with GLEE. She LOVES those - don't you Elodie? Oui?"

Me and another mum finally lost the plot and pissed ourselves laughing in that way you do when you can't stop and every time you look at each other it's worse. Tears. We could not stop. And eventually Performance Mum was so fucked off she left, and never came again.

@CatkinToadflax - I was also wondering if performance dad is (or reckons he is) an 'influencer' so doesn't know when to stop fucking performing!

How brilliantly hilarious! Our headteacher got so fed up with the testosterone at the sports day dads race that one year
he played the 'Chariots of Fire' theme as they all strutted up to the start line. No one could take it seriously after that.

This thread is hilarious.

These just keep getting better!

‘ and the Traditional Chinese Dragon: a Cautionary Tale’ should be told to scare performance parents of the humiliation when their precious child won’t back their nonsense up.

‘Clemmie and the Traditional Chinese Dragon: a Cautionary Tale’

Bloody phone...

Brilliant OP!!
We had a dad like this when ours were at primary school. He used to do big long lines of backflips and somersaults whilst waiting for the kids to come out.
We just used to ignore him.

I think the biggest attention seeking display ever tho was the mum who once came to the school gates with a baby alpaca on a lead.

Eventually satisfied, he put his Man at C&A 1974 suit and shirt back on over his now wet undies and stalked off

You've just reminded me of the last time me and my friends were surfing. There was a guy (dressed, not in wettie) on the beach...my friend came out for a rest and I see the man go up to her. I thought he was asking he for directions or something but he actually asked if he could put the board leash on, hold the board and if she'd photograph him for his Insta so he could tell his friends he'd been surfing!! So weird.

I think the biggest attention seeking display ever tho was the mum who once came to the school gates with a baby alpaca on a lead*

Would completely overlook this if I could pat him.