To be in awe at what a show off this dad was

[Driveamazdashopatasda]

I'm just back from taking my youngest to the paddling pool/splash park at the leisure centre. It's for under eights, so the morning session is full of the usual assortment of parents with babies and toddlers

This very muscled, tattooed dad was there with his toddler son. He was definitely performance parenting, chucking the child around, hooraying all over the place, and quite obviously looking round to check that everyone else was watching him. He was being a bit of a pain, to be honest, perching on top of the giant mushroom spouting water thing, jumping off, making huge waves which caused a mini tsunami to hit the babies in their floaty things, that sort of nonsense. I could see a few of the other mums rolling their eyes. The pool is not huge and is really not the place for that sort of bouncing around.

Imagine our surprise when this idiot then dropped to the ground in the shallowest end of the splash pool and started doing press ups complete with loud grunting and hand claps, and yells of "come on, Child's Name! Time me, time me! Huh! Huh! Huh!" I think he got to about twenty

Child in question was sitting under a stream of water looking utterly baffled.

Everyone was like this

Bloody press ups in the paddling pool!

I have to say I normally hate it when folk accuse others of performance parenting. I once read a thread on here where someone was horrified by the performance parenting of a women who was GOD FORBID reading her child a book in a café. BUT this is hilarious and this guy sounds brilliant.

This is one of the most hilarious things that I've ever read! Press ups in the paddling pool?! Priceless!

There was a performance grandmother in Sainsbury's yesterday. FFS could hear her singing her shopping list to a disinterested 3 year old 2 aisles away 🤷‍♀️

"come on, Child's Name! Time me, time me!"

You should have ostentatiously got your watch out, then called across "10 minutes, mate, you really need to up your game"

Puts me in mind of Johnny Bravo!

This reminds me of the performance mum I had to suffer at DD's toddler gymnastics class. She shrieked at her daughter for a full half hour and then crowned the performance off by leaping on to the parallel bars, swinging enthusiastically and accidentally kicking her three year old full in the face. It was glorious (the child was fine).

What a knob.

The worst I’ve ever seen is a Man with his little girl in Costa a few month ago. He was pleased as punch with himself for looking after his own daughter and did a full on performance-parenting masterclass of feeding her a pouch of food . He wasn’t even sitting at the table right, he was sitting at an angle to better perform.

He called her a beautiful girl then started saying ‘I would never lie to you, no Daddy would never ever lie to you’

I had to internalise my feelings, I had nobody to roll my eyes at, just my 5 year old having a meltdown because he got the wrong Lego mini figures.

Actually crying with laughter at some of these, was half asleep when I started reading. Got to 'twatbadger ' and let out a very undignified snort. I'd have gone for cockwomble.

I have all this to look forward to and boy am I looking forward to it!

Thank you for brightening up my day

“He called her a beautiful girl then started saying ‘I would never lie to you, no Daddy would never ever lie to you’”

😂😂😂

Not sure if this counts, but when I was at primary school the headmaster was extremely competitive football coach and used to cheat (& win) every adult race at sports day (sprint & egg and spoon)

My stepdad was a rugby coach and was out for revenge after being beaten by HM in the egg & spoon because HM had cheated by gluing his egg to his spoon. (Revealed midway through when he was losing then burst into a sprint with arms pumping and the egg still attached - he still insisted on receiving official 1st place title)

My stepdad was not impressed with his behaviour so they lined up for the sprint and Headmaster started running on ‘set’ of “ready, set... Go!”

So my stepdad really went for it and put his all in, catching up before diving and rugby tackling the Headmaster sweeping his feet right from under him when they were both inches from the line and rolling/somersaulting over him to come first!!

Everyone was shocked but he got a big applause, us kids loved it & my mum was in stitches! That was the first (only?) time that headmaster lost a race at sports day 😂

There's a lady that gets on my bus sometimes in the morning who has a toddler and a newborn baby well few months old now and she sings nursery rhymes to them full volume even though she's only on the bus for four stops, one time the bus was rammed the baby was newborn she had them in a sling so I said to her do you want my seat? People was shoving and pushing into her getting off but she wouldn't sit down and said no as the baby likes her standing up and doesn't want them to be a lazy bum, people was on edge watching her sway about desperately trying to hold onto the pole and the toddlers hand, it was relief when she got off I honestly thought she was going to fall over

What a knobjockey! How did you keep a straight face?

One year 3 mum was asked to leave a secondary school tour when the teacher realised that her child was only 8. Who visits secondary schools 4 years ahead?

I teach in a 3-13 private school. My subject is one in which children can win scholarships to senior schools. Every year we do a scholarship presentation and each of the relevant subjects gives a talk with all the info, requirements etc. These are for parents of children 11+. Occasionally 10+ if they're very keen. Except for the year a parent I didn't recognise came and asked about the best schools to apply to for Music, Drama AND Sport scholarships and asked if it was a problem that her child only played 3 instruments and wasn't having tennis lessons. I asked the admissions secretary who she was and she rolled her eyes and told me her child was in Reception. She was 4 years old!

There was an explosion of these types a few years ago. Previously normal people suddenly seemed to lose all self awareness over night and started infesting gyms, grunting, going on about leg days and making complete arses of themselves on Facebook.

I was face-painting at a local fete a few weeks back. There was a LOT of PP going on.

Of particular note:

A girl of about seven is in the queue with both her parents and I am aware of them because everything about them is 'loud' and 'performancy' - by the time they get to the front of the queue, I know what they are having for dinner, the fact that the poor child has to do some flute practice before tea and a few other dull dull dull facts.

Anyway, girl sits in the chair and I ask her what she'd like. She's a bit shy so I ask her name and encourage her to choose from the options. She's whispers 'Butterfly' and I say "Lovely! Right then..." Her parents however, aren't happy with Butterfly because it's not quite hitting the spot so the following then ensues:

Dad: Oh. Do you not want something else?

Mum: Yes! What about a superhero - Batman or Spiderman?

Dad: Ggggggrrrrrr Spiderman Spiderman, Does whatever a Spider Can

Mum: Ha ha ha - you're so funny Clemmie - always wanting boys stuff

Dad: She always picks really cool stuff. LIke last time, I think she was a .... Darling? What did Clemmie pick last time? A dinosaur?

Mum: Haha No It was a Traditional Chinese Dragon!

Dad: Oh yes! That's right. All the other girls went for fairies and whatnot and she wanted a Traditional Chinese Dragon!

Mum: How about a dragon again Clemmie? Or something mythological?

Girl: Uhm.... a butterfly.

Me: Right then. Shall we get started?

Mum: Are you sure Clemmie? Have you looked at all the pictures. There's Zombies and Monsters and this really cool Tiger.

Dad: OOOohh yes. What about this Tiger Clemmie? Ask the lady if she could do it purple!

Mum: Purple is her favourite colour. And blue

Dad: Navy though!

Mum: Yes. Not light blue. It's really funny because she really likes a dark palette

Dad. How about a Navy Tiger Clemmie?

Girl: No. I think I just want a butterfly today.

Me: OK. We're going with the butterfly Dad! Clemmie, what colour would you like?

Girl: Uhm.... Pink?

Me silent air punch
Mum & Dad just shrink back in horror at their conventional child making a conventional choice and retreat to the bric a brac to look for some Papa New Guinean wall hangings. Knobz

This is too much. I was drying a papermache thingy (I can't recall what animal it was) for school on radiator in kitchen for my daughter (yup we left it til last minute and it ain't looking good!) knowing I ought be in bed (but don't want a papermache 'burnt the house down' disaster or even worse .... stuck gluelike to the top of radiator so only half of it can be torn off for school tomorrow!!) and I can't stop reading this thread!!

@LittleDoritt 😂😂😂

*Removes papermache blob from radiator and goes to bed. (Thinking I really need to up my game x500 if I ever want to 'performance parent'.)

The first PP I ever encountered was a mummy on a bus with a downtrodden son. He stood quivering as she bellowed to the whole bus ‘ Stand nicely darling, remember nice strong legs, nice strong legs’. I felt like giving her a kicking with my nice strong legs for her poor son.

We must do put best to come up with excellent seemingly innocent put downs in words and actions that OP can casually spill out at him next time he is at the pool. 😁😏
Video footage would enhance the experience of the twattery no end😈😈

Darling? What did Clemmie pick last time? A dinosaur?

Mum: Haha No It was a Traditional Chinese Dragon!

Omg. This is hurting my sides 😂😂... must go to sleep ... away from hilarious MN thread!

ForFlip'sSake, now I'm going to be quoting to DCs to "use nice strong legs, nice strong legs" to DCs tomorrow 😂😂 . (If we don't generally get the bus, can I use it generally? )

WillLokireturn I did wonder at first if it was a passive aggressive seat getting performance but realised there were lots of empty seats.

My cats have ‘nice strong paws’ and are already stomping all over me for breakfast.

Oh this thread has made my day...

My ex is like this, loves to say sarcastic and 'hilarious' things to our DC then looks around to see who's watching 🙄 the best thing I can say about him is that he's an ex 😂

Oh my God, Clemmie and the rugby dad and nice strong legs