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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To still send my 1yo DC to nursery in the school holidays?

89 replies

GoJetterGirl · 18/06/2019 13:19

Hello all,

The in laws are now giving me noise about the fact that 1yo DC will still be attending nursery in the school holidays despite the fact that I am also on AL at that time too.

AIBU to still send him so that I can get stuff I’d really been meaning to get done started and possibly finished, and have some time to myself and my eldest DC?

DH thinks it’s best DC1 does go to nursery, but the —fuckwits— in-laws feel that I should be being a “proper mother” and “stop all this silly ideas about putting the baby into nursery, I should be at home with DC until they go to secondary school”

It’s 2.5 days at nursery a week, it’s not as if I’m dropping them off on July 19th and collecting them on September 2nd!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
GoJetterGirl · 18/06/2019 16:08

If the days are really inconvenient for you, ask DH to get them to change it. But as a rule, I'd happily move few things around for guests who were only staying for 2 days. and would be extraordinarily grateful that guests were staying so short as ours tend to stay for weeks and months

Very inconvenient for me, and from past experience, it tends to overlap with important events, in this case, DC6 has a scan at the hospital for his long term health condition. (Anyone who has read any of my other threads will know what the in-laws are like) and they have been told this is exclusively a mummy only appointment and they are not welcome to be there, why they had to choose that exact 2 days?

Hubby will be emailing them as soon as he gets home tonight, that or he can go live with them, I don’t have the patience for their shit, it will be a 2 day stay that extends to a fortnight, with them criticising my choice to return to work, I took 9 months off... I need my financial independence as well, and we do have a mortgage to pay too... but they don’t seem to get that 🙄

OP posts:
Original poster
GoJetterGirl · 18/06/2019 16:11

So pleased to see this thread- my nursery of choice only does 51 week placements but I'm a teacher, so will be paying for three days a week all year round. I was hoping to keep DC in nursery two days a week all the time, with late dropoff and early collect, for continuity and to allow for doing boring things like housework and schoolwork so we can do nice things the other five days a week.
I'm sure some people will think that's unreasonable but it's good to see so many supportive posts here for someone doing similar 🙂

I work in education too, but administrative

OP posts:
NaughtToThreeSadOnions · 18/06/2019 16:32

Given your latest update

this your husbands email.

Dear mum and dad.

I'm afraid as we have stated those days are not available for you to visit.

You are welcome any other time during the holidays.

Please do let us know what days other than these ones. If you cant manage any others we will have to decline your request to visit. Preyaps we can visit you over october half term.

Thank you love your son.

Or

Dear mother and father
You delibrately chose those dates didnt you? I've had enough of your nonsenslce

As you seem to think jet set should be a stay at home mum i will be invoicing you for the short fall in our mortage and the cost of keeping your grandchildren in food and nappies.

Also, you are not allowed to be at DC hospital appointment it is parents only this under no circamstances means grandparents.

And fyi our youngest will be at nursary as it is mine and jets decision not yours.

Your son.

Yabbers · 18/06/2019 17:04

I didn't use nurseries though. Can't see the point in a thread either, tbh.

I can’t see the point in you responding, but there you are.

Elliesmama87 · 18/06/2019 17:13

I remember your previous threads and the in laws. Hows your son doing these days?

Original poster
GoJetterGirl · 18/06/2019 17:20

@Elliesmama87

He’s doing great, we had one week where we thought that was going to be his last days, but he clung on and we enrolled into a new drug trial, he responded well, had surgery earlier in the year and I’m thrilled to say he is now in remission, albeit, missing 1/8 of a lung!

No guarantee that he will stay that way, but we shall go with it for now

Thank you for asking x

OP posts:
Elliesmama87 · 18/06/2019 17:30

@GoJetterGirl thats brilliant im so happy to hear that. Had been wondering after your last threads how he was

poglets · 18/06/2019 19:20

I wouldn't bother replying at all and carry on as you are.

Great to hear your son is recovering and feeling better.

InezInez · 18/06/2019 19:22

So if you send your child to nursery when you're working and also send them when you're not working, when do you spend time with them? I dunno, sounds pretty brutal to me. Why did you even have kids? This is just what pops into my mind when I hear of parents doing this.

AnotherEmma · 18/06/2019 19:24

And twatty comments like that are exactly why an AIBU thread is not really the best place for this.

mbosnz · 18/06/2019 19:25

So if you send your child to nursery when you're working and also send them when you're not working, when do you spend time with them? I dunno, sounds pretty brutal to me. Why did you even have kids? This is just what pops into my mind when I hear of parents doing this

Does it also 'pop into your mind' that it's 2.5 days a week? And that a week is 7 days a week? And that when you're talking about days, that would be a max of 8 hours per day, so 20 hours per week out of 164?

OrgasmicScalp · 18/06/2019 19:26

I've not read the comments.. nor did I read your post but I can safely say YANBU
I would do it and I did do it.. it was wonderful and gave me time to get jobs done etc etc.
Right now I'll read your post and see if right Grin

mbosnz · 18/06/2019 19:26

168?

OrgasmicScalp · 18/06/2019 19:30

Ok so I've read your post and my original answer stands.. tell them to do one

Usuallyinthemiddle · 18/06/2019 19:33

Keep the routine. He knows what's what. Plus, I'm guessing he's well entertained at nursery. If you'd said Mon-fri 8-6 I might have thought about it but, no. Give yourself a break!

Don't be made to feel bad. You're his mum and you'll do the right thing.

Oysterbabe · 18/06/2019 19:35

So if you send your child to nursery when you're working and also send them when you're not working, when do you spend time with them? I dunno, sounds pretty brutal to me. Why did you even have kids? This is just what pops into my mind when I hear of parents doing this

Mine go 3 days a week whether I'm working or not. I spend time with them in the mornings and evenings of those days and also the other 4 days. I assume you home schooled yours so as not to be away from them? Otherwise why even bother having them.

mbosnz · 18/06/2019 19:36

And what's with 'brutal'?

It's not Baby Fight Club. . .

Oysterbabe · 18/06/2019 19:45

Yeah ours is really nice, they even let them out of the cages to stretch their legs sometimes.

Pinkprincess1978 · 18/06/2019 19:54

I have a family member who works in a nursery and judges parents she knows are off but still send their children 8-6pm 5 days a week. If they are only there 2.5 days I would still send them for some or all. When our children were small they went to nursery 2 days a week and if we had a week off we would invariably put them in for at least one of the days so we could shop or go to the cinema. We rarely did both days but then our nursery was in the town we worked in so would be an hour round trip both ways to take them then come home then go back to collect. If it was closer we probably would do both days.

Lolly25 · 18/06/2019 20:05

I do feel its absolutely none of your in laws business, but....I could not leave my baby with others when I know I don't have to.
Yes, of course they like routine, but preferably with their parents.
I really dont understand how people can want a child, but not want to spend all available time with them.
I managed to have 2 boys in 2 years, one severely Deaf, husband working abroad, no family within 100 miles and do my PhD. I was shattered, but I managed it.
Rather than fork out for childcare, I used that money for a cleaner.
Mine are well grown now, but we have fab memories of the precious time we spent together .

LittleMissNaice · 18/06/2019 20:06

Jetter Flowers I recognised your name and I'm so happy to see your update about dc. Fingers firmly crossed that he stays as well as he can be.

Shame the in laws haven't changed though.

Notthetoothfairy · 18/06/2019 20:08

YABU considering listening to the in-laws (but not on the nursery point, I agree with PPs).

Lelly0503 · 18/06/2019 20:47

Because @Lolly25 children aren’t wonderful or easy all of the time and sometimes you need a break from it all. If I spent all of my available time with my DC I’d be a horrible mother to them. There are no medals or awards in parenting and everyone’s choices are down to what works in that individuals situation.

AnotherEmma · 18/06/2019 21:19

"I really dont understand how people can want a child, but not want to spend all available time with them.
I managed to have 2 boys in 2 years, one severely Deaf, husband working abroad, no family within 100 miles and do my PhD. I was shattered, but I managed it.
Rather than fork out for childcare, I used that money for a cleaner.
Mine are well grown now, but we have fab memories of the precious time we spent together."

Well aren't you smug and superior!

I enjoy rare time without my son, apparently that makes me an alien species and a terrible parent Grin

Pollaidh · 18/06/2019 21:22

You're presumably paying the fees whatever you do. My DS was almost always in nursery whilst I was off with DD, except on actual family holidays. It meant I got to spend quality one on one time with DD every year.

This will be the first time I've had them both at home over the summer. Some days I will book one into a club and not the other, so they can both have time with me.