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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To still send my 1yo DC to nursery in the school holidays?

89 replies

GoJetterGirl · 18/06/2019 13:19

Hello all,

The in laws are now giving me noise about the fact that 1yo DC will still be attending nursery in the school holidays despite the fact that I am also on AL at that time too.

AIBU to still send him so that I can get stuff I’d really been meaning to get done started and possibly finished, and have some time to myself and my eldest DC?

DH thinks it’s best DC1 does go to nursery, but the —fuckwits— in-laws feel that I should be being a “proper mother” and “stop all this silly ideas about putting the baby into nursery, I should be at home with DC until they go to secondary school”

It’s 2.5 days at nursery a week, it’s not as if I’m dropping them off on July 19th and collecting them on September 2nd!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
GoJetterGirl · 18/06/2019 14:06

Ok, help me out now, do I say:

Dear PIL,
Thanks you for your concern about DC1 and the nursery matter, however DH and I have decided to send DC as normal.

Go Jetter Girl

Or

Dear PIL,

I’ve already told you that DC1 will be going to nursery as usual during the summer, it is no concern of yours, and with all due respect, you raised DH, you had your turn at parenting, it is now mine. Kindly back the fuck off.

Jetter

Ps. I hope your next shite is a hedgehog

OP posts:
Original poster
GoJetterGirl · 18/06/2019 14:07

While I’m at it, Daily Mail, your can fuck off too....

OP posts:
Bluerussian · 18/06/2019 14:09

Not at all unreasonable, it's not as if he'll be going to the nursery full time. It will be good for both of you.

ShanghaiDiva · 18/06/2019 14:10

You don't need to explain anything to them. No need to justify or explain the decisions you and your husband make.

Alb1 · 18/06/2019 14:12

I’d just not say anything until they ask and then reply something like ‘yes they are still going to nursery to keep their routine settled and hold onto the nursery place’ and then move on, don’t let it be a discussion.

maresedotes · 18/06/2019 14:12

Yanbu in sending him to nursery. I don't understand why they now can't come to visit or why you're sending an e-mail.

Sindragosan · 18/06/2019 14:12

Dear PIL,

Thanks for your concern about DC, however it is best for her wellbeing that she stays in her routine and continues to attend nursery.

STFU etc,

BlingLoving · 18/06/2019 14:25

Did they email you to complain? Otherwise why are you bothering to reply? I'd just ignore it and if they ask again, say, "no, we think it's better for everyone if DC2 continues at nursery."

DD loves her nursery and we love it because they're great and its fully funded, but it does mean no holidays. And not only is it a pain not being able to enjoy some time with DS alone without a baby sister tagging along in the holidays, quite frankly, it totally messes with her routine. The first part of the holidays she misses it the whole time. Then she adjusts and we have to settle her in all over again when term starts. It's tedious.

Original poster
GoJetterGirl · 18/06/2019 14:28

They have a habit of emailing and getting the extended family to try to bully us into their view point, I’ve already had to tell DH’s cousin to do one and stop inter fearing 🙄

OP posts:
Original poster
GoJetterGirl · 18/06/2019 14:30

They aid they didn’t want to visit if both of their GC aren’t available (they’ve already asked to visit in the 2 days DC is in nursery.

No DC1 at home= they won’t want to visit will they? I’m interpreting it that way

OP posts:
AnotherEmma · 18/06/2019 14:33

An email is unnecessary. If you must send one I think it should come from your DH (or both of you). Ideally he should just call them and tell them to back off.

They sound toxic. At this point I usually recommend the Susan Forward books. Not sure whether that would be overkill (hard to tell without more info) but it's probably worth you checking them out. "Toxic Parents" and "Toxic In-laws".

AnotherEmma · 18/06/2019 14:34

FYI DC1 is usually first DC and DC2 is second DC. When you say DC1 do you mean your 1yo and DC6 means your 6yo? (Just to avoid confusion!)

CripsSandwiches · 18/06/2019 14:54

I don't know your situation and what is best for you all. I am say though that you and DH are the people to make that decision and your on laws should butt out! I wouldn't even discuss it with them.

BlingLoving · 18/06/2019 14:59

Okay, their comments and judginess are annoying, BUT... if MIL was only in town for 2 days, I'd take DD out of nursery so they could see her. So in this situation I'd be inclined to send a breezy email back along lines of,

"Keeping DC in nursery in holidays works for all of us but I appreciate you want to see him during your visit so let's plan a fun activity for Wednesday and we'll keep him home that day." Or similar.

Original poster
GoJetterGirl · 18/06/2019 15:05

Okay, their comments and judginess are annoying, BUT... if MIL was only in town for 2 days

They are both retired and literally chose those 2 days with a request that I take 1yo out of nursery for those 2 days

OP posts:
ShanghaiDiva · 18/06/2019 15:06

I think as pp have said, just say if they want to visit then you will not send your younger child to nursery and you can all plan something together - just ask for them to give you notice so that you can make arrangements.
Honestly, they sound like hard work.

BlingLoving · 18/06/2019 15:09

So you're annoyed they're choosing these days? Or annoyed that they think he shouldn't be in nursery at all? because these are two different things.

If the days are really inconvenient for you, ask DH to get them to change it. But as a rule, I'd happily move few things around for guests who were only staying for 2 days. and would be extraordinarily grateful that guests were staying so short as ours tend to stay for weeks and months

SnuggyBuggy · 18/06/2019 15:11

It's none of their business, you don't have to justify your decision to them

DryIce · 18/06/2019 15:14

I'm currently on mat leave and have left my toddler in nursery. I get some judgement for it, but I remind myself that it is not anyone else's business!

mbosnz · 18/06/2019 15:15

I'd be saying 'Dear In-laws, as previously stated, DD will continue to attend nursery. I'm surprised you think that you, or any of the extended family had any say in this. You don't. We will parent our child the way we wish to, just as you did yours. You are very welcome to your opinions. Just keep them to yourselves. We don't want to hear them. They're boring. And irrelevant. Have a great day. Love xxx'

Agree with PP that it should come from DH.

Oysterbabe · 18/06/2019 15:16

If it's just for a visit I'd take them out for those 2 days.

NaughtToThreeSadOnions · 18/06/2019 15:18

YABU to start a thread about this. You and your DH agree about sending the 1yo to nursery. It's none of the PILs business. End of discussion

Sorry emma who died and made you the tread police. Have you thought the OP posiably wanted some reassurace that her 1yo wasnt going to be acffected by being t nursary.

Shes simple bouncing something around that is playing on her mind. The whole point of MN is to get the oppinions of others how the hell is she meant to do that without starting a thread.

op you are neither unreasonable for starting the thread or sending your DC to nursary. I'd actally argue that the routine of going to nursary may actally be good for your DC.

Anx yes time with oldet children ix important.

From your post it seems your inlaws think you/everyone should be SAHMs. Arethet going to pay the difference that you'd loose be giving up work.

Heyha · 18/06/2019 15:32

So pleased to see this thread- my nursery of choice only does 51 week placements but I'm a teacher, so will be paying for three days a week all year round. I was hoping to keep DC in nursery two days a week all the time, with late dropoff and early collect, for continuity and to allow for doing boring things like housework and schoolwork so we can do nice things the other five days a week.
I'm sure some people will think that's unreasonable but it's good to see so many supportive posts here for someone doing similar 🙂

NotEnoughTime · 18/06/2019 15:34

I would send e mail one but I'd love to send e mail two Grin

I def think it should be signed from your DH as well.

NaughtToThreeSadOnions · 18/06/2019 15:45

Dear mother and father

Thank you for your request to visit. However I've noticed you specify both grandchildren should be able to spend the whole time with you. On the days you have requested this simply isn't posiable. I and go jetter have decided thact is best or our DC to keep the routine as much as possacble. You are welcome to visit the on any of the other 5 days in the week when DC1 would not normally atending nursary or you are welcone to come on the selected days and spend time with DC 6 until jetsetter collects DC 1 from nursary. Indeed the later arrangement would be very helpful to jetsetter and i.

Please let us know what your plans are.

Lotd of love Your son mr jetsetter

Ot

Dear mum and dad

Lovely to hear your coming to visit. As you arevisiting us and you will have to fit around your grand childs routine. You are welcome but DC will be at nursary.

Lots of love ta for raising me to be a indepentant thinker who knows whats best for his kids. Tell nosey parker cousin it was your fault that you delibrately picked days when DC was at nursary.

Let us know your plans

Love mr jetsetter

In other words your DHs patents let him deal with it.

And emma wow are you applying for a,job at MNHQ i'm teally not sure who made you the tread police. FYI enough people use DC age for it to be a nornal convention too. Everyone else on the thread understood what was meant by DC 1 and DC6. Its actally when people switch between the conventions that it gets confusing.