Time off for DD3 settling in sessions for infant school

[Namechangeneedwine]

First time poster so please be kind

I work in special needs education. Absolutely love the job. Been in current job 3 years. Hours and holiday pattern suit family life, although I am struggling with my employer being incredibly inflexible when it comes to needing time off for dependants during term time.

I had a period of long term sickness last year for a bout of anxiety and depression, some of which was signed off. I returned to work and was put on stage 1 absence review, fair shout, I'd been off a lot. I was close to completing the process and being taken off review in April but came down with a nasty case of Bronchitis. The resulting time off took me over the level agreed in the absence review meeting, hence the whole process repeats and I'm back on review. As part of the review process I was asked to review childcare options as some of my other time off had been for care of DD when unable to attend nursery due to illness. In one meeting I was told that if DD was unable to attend nursery then I should be finding a childminder to take her if nobody could help out. Tried explaining the numerous issues with phoning a random childminder at 7am to look after a sick child but employer didn't seem to understand this. Was able to change childcare arrangements so that DM has DD 2 days a week on days when other family members might also be able to help out if DM unable to due to hospital appointments etc. I've made a real effort this year to keep absences to an absolute minimum. Time off for DD has been zero. She had chickenpox and spent the entire week with DM and DP has taken time off to wait for DM to collect when DD has been unable to go to nursery. I've had 7 days of absence over 3 occasions for sickness. This is low considering the amount of time others in the class and school have taken. The target set at my last meeting nearly 3 months ago was no more than 1 period of absence lasting no more than 3 days. I had 1 day off for a migraine, no other time off in that 3 month period so have met the target for time off.

On the whole, this year has been amazing. No issues with anxiety or depression, have had some amazing opportunities and feel I have really come into my own in the job and shown what I can do. My end of year review was glowing. However I feel I am still being penalised for my mental health issues last year as my absences this year haven't amounted to enough to trigger the review process, they're still taking last year into account, and for being a parent. I have requested some time off in July to take DD to sessions at her new school ready for September. There are 2 1 hour sessions on Wednesday mornings and 1 longer session on a Friday afternoon which would require leaving at 1:45. I feel these are really important for us to attend and I'd hoped as a school they would understand. I followed the procedure for requesting the time. It has been cleared by my class teacher. The sessions are luckily on good days for me to be out of school staffing wise. I handed the forms in before half term, so over 3 weeks ago. I was approached by the Head today as I was getting a child from the bus, so this conversation was had in front of other staff, students and bus drivers/escorts. I was told that I needed to find someone else to do at least some of the sessions or I would be escalated to stage 2 absence review, which includes a formal warning. These absences will be in the next absence review period so won't take me over my target for this current review period. AIBU to think that they could take these into account when setting targets for the next review period? It's not often your child starts school and these aren't going to be ongoing absences. I have given plenty of notice, no cover is required and the time off will be unpaid. I am a union member so am considering getting representation for any further meetings.

As a staff body we have repeatedly asked for a bank of time that we can book off unpaid for situations such as these, as we're unable to take any annual leave as such. We've also suggested some form of flexible working whereby we would be able to stay late or come in and make up time for absences for appointments etc but this has been repeatedly refused. I would really appreciate any advice here. Apologies for the long post.

I run a small term time only Pre school and people are always asking for time off for plays, Sports days, assemblies, dr, hospital the list is endless and whilst it’s not often that your child starts school there are endless requests.
I try my best at every single request.

Tbh she has tried to compromise with you so I think whilst it’s not nice to miss those sessions you need to meet her half way.

I don't really see how a flexi time approach could work in a school setting, presumably you're needed to be there when the children are.
I feel for you, I really do, but I can see your employers perspective. School hour jobs are very desirable, but the downside is that you can't really take more time off.
It does sound like you've been absent a lot, and this has had implications for the school.
If I were you I'd ask a relative to facilitate the settling in sessions.

You only really need to attend one settling session. Your head seems to be being very reasonable. One session in July is fine considering your DC won’t start till sep.

Regarding time off. Is that not why you get so many holidays in the year? If you work in a school you get roughly 14 weeks a year off. That’s probably why you can’t book any off.

Teacher here.

The sickness and settling in sessions are completely different situations and should not be clumped together as the same absence. I would definitely speak to your union.

However time off in school is really hard. It’s not a case of flexi working and making the time up. It’s about putting the needs of the children first. I don’t need my TA before school or after (although of course it is nice!) but I do need them when the children are in and I’m trying to make sure each child reaches their potential. I’m always very flexible with my support staff taking time off if it’s needed but I will also fight for my class in having appropriate support during school hours.

If cover can be arranged and u are willing to do it unpaid I see no issue. But if it’s a detriment to the children I would have an issue.

Ultimately your sickness and these sessions shouldn’t be clumped together though.

I hope that makes sense?

Staff being off is disruptive for children, especially children in special schools often.

I would go to one session and be greatful you have been able to. I doubt most working parents will be able to attend all three

It's a fact of teaching that it is not family friendly during term times. We all miss our children's things in favour of other people's children and it's just the way it is. If they let you have all that time off, they would have to do it for everyone. Cover is at a premium and supply budgets are non existent.

You really don't need to attend three settling sessions, you should be expecting your dp to do his share too.

I think your employer is being fair tbh, you have had a lot of time off, and it's pretty well known that if you work in a school then you end up being unable to attend your own child's school things. If you're asking for three sessions off before your child even starts, considering that illness is common when children first start school and there are lots of school events that parents are invited to, I can understand why your bosses are wary.

The problem is that in an education setting time off (for any reason) is a real problem because the terms are set. You can't do flexi time. Obviously illness is different but tbh congratulating yourself for only having one day off in 3 months isn't an achievement, I have had one day off in 8 years. It's really hard for employers so scheduled things should be covered by childminder/grandparent/friends and only in an emergency take time off.

The only way to get an answer to this is to ask to see your special leave policy- there should be one for the LA/academy chain if not the school itself. This won't be allowed to take into account any previous absence due to ill health as they are two separate processes.

I think it'll be highly unlikely that settling days will be included in special leave, I'm afraid, they will be classed like sports days and nativities where if you want to go you find someone to cover you and then return the favour later (most schools allow this as it's an easy informal solution). Bookable time/days off usually only extends to things like consultant appointments, funerals etc. Other things may be in there as being at the head's discretion, such as time off unpaid to attend a weekday wedding.

Education is often touted as being family-friendly and in the main it is but there are just odd things like this that sometimes make you wish you could just pop in an annual leave slip and do what you need to!

So you take her to one of the sessions and her dad does the other two, or he does one and your mum does the other one
I
I've worked in nurseries for years and lost track of the events I've had to miss over the years

I feel these are really important for us to attend and I'd hoped as a school they would understand

Why are these really important? One is all that many working parents can attend. It sounds like you've been doing a great job turning things around and that all is going well, this is not a hill worth dying on. I'd see if you can take one, or if not, then just leave it to your DM and DP if needed. Working in a school you get a lot of quality time to spend with your dd in the holidays, unfortunately the flip side of that is less flexibility during term.

Thanks for the guidance. I appreciate that 3 sessions is a lot. I asked the head when he spoke to me earlier and he said attending any of these sessions will result in my absence review being escalated to the next stage, however the warning will be less severe if I don't attend all 3. I know schools in general aren't overly flexible but most of my family work in education and have said their employers would certainly do all they could to facilitate time off for things like this as they would expect parents to make the effort to attend things that they put on. I also mentioned to my teacher making up the time and she said she'd definitely be happy for me to, as there is so much that just doesn't and can't get done during the school day.
I will definitely contact the union about the requests being classed the same as sickness. Think I'll get some advice from them and try and arrange a meeting with myself, teacher and head to try and get a satisfactory answer that doesn't result in me being threatened with formal warnings

I think the school could be setting a dangerous precedent. If they let you take off all 3 days for settling in they are going to need to allow the same for other staff members.

Also if it’s agency covering you it will work our more expensive.

Have you considered using parental leave for the sessions? You have to book in week blocks, and it's unpaid, but it's for exactly this sort of thing. I had no idea it even existed till I saw a thread on here about a member of school staff using it for term time off.

www.gov.uk/parental-leave

It does sound a bit like they have had enough of your sickness/absence rate....

We have our own bank of supply staff. Plus we already have extra staff in on those days so no cover is needed.
The parental leave is a great idea! Just skimmed through and I need to give 21 days notice which unfortunately doesn't give me enough time for the first session but plenty of time for the other 2. I'd much rather just take the odd hours off that a whole week but this may be a good way of doing it

As your employer I would be slightly wary of your attitude to be honest. You seem to be counting the days until the current review period ends and the next starts, and in the mean time you are planning in your future absences so that you just about remain below the warning level. It may not be your intention, but your employee wants staff for whom absence is one off unplanned instances, not planned in weeks in advance.

Sounds like you've been off a lot.

You don't have at to attend all three sessions at all - why can't your partner take some time off instead?

I'd much rather just take the odd hours off that a whole week but this may be a good way of doing it

Maybe don't take time off at all! You've been absent a lot - maybe build up some good will before trying to be off for something avoidable again? Your employer doesn't have to approve your request for parental leave, btw.

We, as an SLT,are very accommodating and try to be as understanding as possible for absence requests like this, far more so than in any other school I've ever worked in but I don't think we'd agree to a request like this, three sessions in close succession.

You're right, the sickness absence shouldn't be a factor in the decision but you said you've previously had a fair amount of absence for childcare related reasons and that can/should be.

That said, even with a perfect attendance record, to agree to all three would be a big ask IMO.

I'm not surprised the flexible working suggestions have been declined. If you can argue that the school can manage without you on a (semi) regular basis be careful you're not explaining why they don't need you all.

The head seems very frustrated at the amount of time he's had to put into managing your absence and whilst you may say that should be irrelevant, we're all human.

The argument for a bank of time to book off unpaid came from a former senior teacher who had responsibility for arranging cover for classes when people weren't in. Our school is particularly bad when it comes to time off for things that crop up and their argument was that if people know their requests will be denied they just ring in sick which requires a full day of cover and is far more disruptive and far more expensive than staff being able to take an hour or 2 off unpaid to go and do these things and then come back to work.

Being blunt I think you are going to find that you do need to miss other events - assemblies, nativity etc. Friends who work in education appreciate they have school holidays with their DC but don’t have the flexibility for other events. It’s sad but I’m sure she’d be fine with your mum or her dad?

You really do just want it all your way.

Honestly you are the reason why I’m
Considering stopping staff go to these types of events as there is always someone who takes the piss

Where is your partner? Can't he do the sessions?

I do think you are being unreasonable. Not all schools do these sessions - they are not essential. Certainly not worth jeopardising a job you say you love over.

YABU OP
You've had a lot of time off. Being a working parent means having to make sacrifices didn't doesn't sound like you want to make any.