Time off for DD3 settling in sessions for infant school

[Namechangeneedwine]

First time poster so please be kind

I work in special needs education. Absolutely love the job. Been in current job 3 years. Hours and holiday pattern suit family life, although I am struggling with my employer being incredibly inflexible when it comes to needing time off for dependants during term time.

I had a period of long term sickness last year for a bout of anxiety and depression, some of which was signed off. I returned to work and was put on stage 1 absence review, fair shout, I'd been off a lot. I was close to completing the process and being taken off review in April but came down with a nasty case of Bronchitis. The resulting time off took me over the level agreed in the absence review meeting, hence the whole process repeats and I'm back on review. As part of the review process I was asked to review childcare options as some of my other time off had been for care of DD when unable to attend nursery due to illness. In one meeting I was told that if DD was unable to attend nursery then I should be finding a childminder to take her if nobody could help out. Tried explaining the numerous issues with phoning a random childminder at 7am to look after a sick child but employer didn't seem to understand this. Was able to change childcare arrangements so that DM has DD 2 days a week on days when other family members might also be able to help out if DM unable to due to hospital appointments etc. I've made a real effort this year to keep absences to an absolute minimum. Time off for DD has been zero. She had chickenpox and spent the entire week with DM and DP has taken time off to wait for DM to collect when DD has been unable to go to nursery. I've had 7 days of absence over 3 occasions for sickness. This is low considering the amount of time others in the class and school have taken. The target set at my last meeting nearly 3 months ago was no more than 1 period of absence lasting no more than 3 days. I had 1 day off for a migraine, no other time off in that 3 month period so have met the target for time off.

On the whole, this year has been amazing. No issues with anxiety or depression, have had some amazing opportunities and feel I have really come into my own in the job and shown what I can do. My end of year review was glowing. However I feel I am still being penalised for my mental health issues last year as my absences this year haven't amounted to enough to trigger the review process, they're still taking last year into account, and for being a parent. I have requested some time off in July to take DD to sessions at her new school ready for September. There are 2 1 hour sessions on Wednesday mornings and 1 longer session on a Friday afternoon which would require leaving at 1:45. I feel these are really important for us to attend and I'd hoped as a school they would understand. I followed the procedure for requesting the time. It has been cleared by my class teacher. The sessions are luckily on good days for me to be out of school staffing wise. I handed the forms in before half term, so over 3 weeks ago. I was approached by the Head today as I was getting a child from the bus, so this conversation was had in front of other staff, students and bus drivers/escorts. I was told that I needed to find someone else to do at least some of the sessions or I would be escalated to stage 2 absence review, which includes a formal warning. These absences will be in the next absence review period so won't take me over my target for this current review period. AIBU to think that they could take these into account when setting targets for the next review period? It's not often your child starts school and these aren't going to be ongoing absences. I have given plenty of notice, no cover is required and the time off will be unpaid. I am a union member so am considering getting representation for any further meetings.

As a staff body we have repeatedly asked for a bank of time that we can book off unpaid for situations such as these, as we're unable to take any annual leave as such. We've also suggested some form of flexible working whereby we would be able to stay late or come in and make up time for absences for appointments etc but this has been repeatedly refused. I would really appreciate any advice here. Apologies for the long post.

I think you’re in an unlucky position, because your request isn’t inherently unreasonable but coming on the heels of a long period of issues with absences it’s just bad timing. Totally appreciate that there are good reasons for the absences, but the school has to balance that against their needs and being fair to other staff.

There doesn’t seem to be any reason why your husband couldn’t cover 2 of the sessions, then you can do 1 and accept the less severe consequences for that. Or just go to 2 of the sessions and your husband can do both. It sounds like you have borne the brunt of dealing with your daughter’s sick days so he should be taking responsibility for this.

I teach in a special school and this sort of leave would not usually be granted. It’s possible we would consider 1 of the days but it sounds like your absence is already very high. One absence in 3 months is high when you think that will average four absences over a year (of which you already get 13 weeks of holiday).

YANBU to have asked your employer for these days but it was not unreasonable for them to say no and certainly not to only agree to one of the days.

Why isn't your dp doing them?

I find it bizarre when people say 7 days of sick leave over a year is a lot. It's pretty standard to have maybe 5 in all the schools I've worked in. 7 if you have a poor immune system. Schools are very germy places and if you work mopping up bodily fluids of kids who shouldn't have been sent to school, you get sick! The whole idea of setting targets to not get sick is stupid, you don't do it on purpose and obviously if you could avoid it you would.
The settling in sessions is a separate issue. Doing 1 sounds a good compromise? I would never expect to be able to do them myself as my classes need me to teach them.

I find it bizarre when people say 7 days of sick leave over a year is a lot.

Really? I think it's a huge amount - it's a week and a half off-work. It's even more time-off percentage-wise as OP only works term-time.

Obviously sometimes it's totally unavoidable, and it does tend to run in batches in my experience, but even so, that's more time off sick than I've had probably in the last four or five years of work. I also work with the public and they're germy too!

I wouldn't go. I wouldn't feel comfortable asking for more time off having had so much off, and I really don't think it's necessary. It probably won't look great either, given how much time you have had off already. Someone else can take her and I will really be no different. Yes as parents it's sad when we can't go to everything for our kids but we just can't. I really don't think this is something important enough to take time off for, sorry OP. I wouldn't take time off for this even if I hadn't already had a lot of time off. If you really do love your job and want to do well you have to make some sacrifices, as do we all. Sorry again - I don't mean this harshly but I really think for your own sake you shouldn't take time off for something unimportant given your circumstances with so much absense already had, and also if you did end up having problems at work due to numerous absenses then it could trigger anxiety and depression again. Sacrifice something small to save something bigger.

Also I really don't think that contacting the Union is going to help your relationship with the employers, and I say that as a teacher. It sounds like you're just making excuses to get your own way and have as much time off as possible. Im sure that's not what's happening, but that's how it will come across. Jobs in schools are so in demand and the way you're acting sort of shows that you don't value or appreciate the job. I'd just be careful

I thought the point of working term time is having the school holidays off and that having to work during term time, is the done deal. I have a child with SN with a.1:1 support. I would not be happy if the 1:1 LSA got time off for all these things.

I work myself with 20 days annual leave and a disabled child and no family support. I think you are being overly precocious and your head sounds fair.

my DD with severe LDs will start secondary in September. we have been given several days to visit the secondary school in July. I cannot get days off all the time and given that the settling in days are in July and school starts only September, I really don't understand why you need 3 days off.

I am really gobsmacked that you think it is reasonable to take so much time off during term time for non essentials when you are working on a term time only role.

maybe change job. 20 days annual leave which you can take flexibly throughout the year without being bound by term time.

Once DD starts school, there will be school plays, assemblys, sports days.... how do you think you will cope then?

7 days sick over a year is a huge amount to me
I’ve not had that amount of sick leave ever and I work with children too
I don’t get sick pay though, just statutory, which I’ve never claimed. I do find I go in if I know I’m not going to get paid, unless I’m physically unable to

Average sick days in the UK is 4.1 a year. And that's for full time workers, term time would on that basis be about 3.

They're being pretty generous with you already.

I work with young adults with ASN and days off and annual leave require a lot of planning and forewarning for the service users I support. So I can see where your employer is coming from, and I don't think you need to do all 3. We've had to work things out for DS2s school visits, and if it falls on a day off I go, if it doesn't, DP or my dad go depending on who is off.

It's shite, but it's life.

To me 7 days sickness in a year is a lot for a normal adult.

Having worked in schools for years and coming from a family of teachers, I know it’s shit but you have to just accept you are going to miss out on lots of things as you can’t really do flexi working. My mum missed all my school plays, transition days, award ceremonies etc. It’s the price you pay for getting to enjoy the long holiday with the kids I guess

Sorry to pile on with everyone else but you've had a lot of time off, OP.

7 days is way above average.

You seem to think it's ok because other people at work do it too - maybe that's why the head is pissed off with it and cracking down. Albeit still being generous in offering you 1 of the sessions.

Many/most people take little or no time off sick, you know.

I'm not unusual in going many years between taking a sick day - never had a day off with this employer in over 6 years - and I can't recall DH having a single day off in the 25 years we've been together.

In most workplaces most staff will have zero days off per year. Someone may be seriously ill and take, for example, 6 weeks off which then gives an average of everyone having, say, 4 days per year off. It's not that everyone just has sick days when they feel like it.

7 days off in an academic year would put attendance at around 96% so not far short of where schools would be asking questions with a pupil without underlying conditions

In most workplaces most staff will have zero days off per year. Someone may be seriously ill and take, for example, 6 weeks off which then gives an average of everyone having, say, 4 days per year off.

Exactly this. It's the periods of genuine, long-term sickness that raise the average. People who are off with say, broken limbs, or who are in hospital/recovery after accidents or operations.

An average of 4 days sick/year doesn't mean the average person takes four days off in a year. Most people don't take any!

When SEND staff have time off a note goes round saying they will not be supporting a student in a lesson. They are rarely covered by someone else. Classroom Teachers always need cover. however hard it is to find someone. Try leaving 30 students unattended. Often classes suffer if a specific subject teacher is off for a length of time, particularly exam classes. It tends to be supply or colleagues.
If SEND staff want flexible hours it is very hard on other staff and students.
I wonder how parents would feel about students being sent home because of no cover. Teachers generally cannot be late because they have tutor groups and they are in loco parentis. SO when SEND staff take time off during school hours it is not good for an efficient classroom.
We had problems with admin staff wanting 9:30 starts and 2:30 finishes. Not good for teachers who want photocopying done first thing in the morning or to speak to admin staff about issues.
Level playing fields for all staff. it is unfair to favour some staff.