To expect other parents not to verbally abuse a two year old?

[tulip27]

Yesterday at a rather full to the brim local farm park my freinds two year old boy clonked another two year old on the head with a plastic spade.While I don't condone this behaviour (' I am sure it was a case of I want to go on this climbing frame and your in the way'),the mother of the clonked child proceeded to call my freinds son a ' nasty horrible little boy, lets go away from him he is nasty'. My freinds son stood there terrified. I couldn't believe a grown woman could release so much venom at a small child. She then proceeded to tell my friend if her son clonks others she shouldn't let him out of the house!
What are your thoughts on this?

what did your friend do when her son hit the other child?

I'd have picked the spade up and clonked her with itChildren at this age tend to use actions rather than verbalise their needs as it is quicker and just a reaction to a situation. I presume her child has never done anything like this .Sorry but the woman sounds completely out of order,it is up to the parent of the child to deal with the issue,she sounds like a bully.

the woman is completely out of order, but calling it verbal abuse is a bit strong I think. I'd have jsut brushed it off and told ds not to misbehave but also to worry about the silly old bat.

My freind didn't see the incident she was changing her younger sons nappy at the time.I saw it and was just going to mention 'not nice to hit' to my freinds son and then distract him until his mum was free to talk to him about it but in the 3 seconds it took me to cross the playground the evil woman was already shouting at him.
She calimed that her son was also 2 and never hit, but I am of the school of thought also that many children this age don't possess the vocab to say ' ever so sorry do you mind moving out the way so I can have a go now?'
The reason I am posting this is that my freind went home crying saying she was too scared to take her son out again in case it happened again.

Chopster I appreciate your comments but what would you call terrifying a two year old out of their wits?

Calling him 'nasty and horrible' when he's just hit her son isn't verbal abuse.

if a child hit my son over the head with a spade i'd be giving them words too!!

its hardly verbal abuse

Surley there are better ways to 'tell a child off' than to use derogetory comments?
I know they are words I would never use to a child of that age.

If dd1 hits my dd2 (or vice versa), then I have no hesistation in telling her it's nasty and horrible.

YABU

Try and forget about it. The boys in question probably already have.

tulip27
There is no doubt that the woman over reacted, and obviosly did not take into account that at two almost every child is testing boundries and learning what is and what is not acceptable.

That being said maybe she was having a bad day and when she got home she realized how silly her remarks sounded. She is probably over protected and slightly blinded by her motherly love, and add to that a bad day...

I sure wouldn't worry about one woman's inappropriate comments.

While I agree that the comments may not be verbally abusive, I think approaching a young child that you don't know and telling him or her something like that is most certainly inappropriate.

Furthermore, I really don't believe that calling a two year old nasty or horrible is going to achieve anything even if you do know the child.

If another child is hurting my child at the park, I try to empower my child. I would approach my child, kneel beside my child, and encourage my child to use his developing verbal and social skills.

If she went home crying over it, then I think she is being rather over sensitive! There are more important things to worry about, she shouldn't let it get to her. Also, if she sets a better example to her son, by not letting random strangers get to her, then maybe her son would be a bit stronger too.
If either of my two year olds got bawled out by a stranger they'd just look gone out at them, they certainly wouldn't be terrified.

I'm not saying the woman was right to speak in that way, and personally I wouldn't do it, but it happens!

agree with chopster. and perhaps the otehr mum's gone home in tears because her little boy is now too frighted to go to the swings in case someone clonks him!

I have to say I am shocked by some of the comments made, especially about my freind needing to set a better example to her son by not letting others get to her.

tulip27

I have learned the hard way, that you can win them all. Don't worry about that stuff.

Other woman's reaction was very OTT. As a mum of a two year old she should have known better and should have dealt with it better. She should be aware that we don't label children, but their behaviour to start with.

Guessing she was being over protective of her own child. Must have been upsetting for her child.

But she dealt with it inappropriately IMO.

How did your freind respond to her when the woman spoke to her?

it wasnt very pc, by the woman calling the child nasty.
i am sure both boys will encounter bheaviour , sch as spade hitting, at playgroup!

i wonder if the womanwill post on here about "nasty" playground spade hitting bheaviour

YANBU.

lol taxidriver - i was thinking the same thing.

Did your friend chastise her ds when he clonked the other boy on the head? If so, then the clonked boy's Mum was out of order.

However, if your friend said nothing to her ds then I'd have had to say something myself if it where my child who was clonked, no one likes to see their child hurt and for the child who did it to get away with it.

hmm she maybe could have just steered the child away without commenting, maybe she was having a bad day.

once, at Alton Towers, a little boy, about 4 or 5 punched my dd when she was about the same age, for no reason, and she ended up with a black eye! the parents saw this, and chose to ignore it, so i took my dd over to show them what he had done and they just said offhandedly 'oh, he does it all the time'

other parents then removed their children from the area, muttering about the 'little git', ten minutes later, we all witnessed the little boy kick his dad, who then proceeded to give him a belt accross his head, very hard while calling him names. definately blame the parents in this instance. i was in tears throughout all this, its horrible to see your child hurt and not be able to do anything about it.

From the other woman's point of view, her son had been hit and no-one had apologised to him, if my dc hit another child I would always apologise.

I would have used the same language for the other child as I would for my own. So I wouldn't have chosen "nasty" and "horrible" but neither would I have waited around for the other mum to say something or not. You either deal with it there or you let it be at that age.

yabu. The child hit someone else's child, the mother didn't deal with it, so the other woman was well within her rights to say something imo. It doesn't matter whether hitting is considered tipical two year old behavior, hitting is unacceptable and should be dealt with. And not all two year olds are violent thugs - so it is completely possible that the other woman's child was not the hitting type of child.

I think we're becoming just a bit too precious about discipline tbh. if we smack our children it's physical abuce, if we shout at our children it's emotional/verbal abuce, it would seem that discipline is just sinonimous for abuce - is it any wonder we're raising a generation of delinquants?