To expect other parents not to verbally abuse a two year old?

[tulip27]

Yesterday at a rather full to the brim local farm park my freinds two year old boy clonked another two year old on the head with a plastic spade.While I don't condone this behaviour (' I am sure it was a case of I want to go on this climbing frame and your in the way'),the mother of the clonked child proceeded to call my freinds son a ' nasty horrible little boy, lets go away from him he is nasty'. My freinds son stood there terrified. I couldn't believe a grown woman could release so much venom at a small child. She then proceeded to tell my friend if her son clonks others she shouldn't let him out of the house!
What are your thoughts on this?

If being called nasty and horrible isn't verbal abuse I don't know what is.

What if that woman uses words like that to her own son when she gets angry with him? Would that be acceptable, as long as she didn't swear?

Not verbal abuse maybe but definitely very unpleasant and inappropriate. Two year old is little more than a baby. Two year olds don't really understand, they are still learning about social interaction. Since when did shouting at a baby for something they don't really understand become okay? [hmm[

Over reaction on both parts by the woman and your friend.

I disagree about two year olds not really understanding.

They understand a lot more then what we give them credit for. They certainly should understand that it is wrong to hit.

And a grown adult (i.e. the other woman) should know and understand even better that it is wrong to shout at a baby in this way also.

"nasty horrible little boy" - not appropriate to toddler (or any child)

"don't do that please, hitting is nasty/not nice" - appropriate response to toddler

I do think the term 'abuse' is a bit strong. If someone asked me to give an example of what constitutes 'verbal abuse' it would be a lot more unpleasant than that.

I wouldn't consider a two year old who had just hit my child with a spade a 'baby'. Not in these circumstances.

I have asked a man - the father of twins - one of which bit DS and drew blood if he would kindly discipline his child as he just gave me a filthy look when his son bit DS - his reply was that all kids did it and I should get used to it if I wanted DS to be able to be left around other kids!!

I then lost it and told him his child was a little savage and he was not fit to be a parent - it was a reaction to his behaviour though. I told him that DS had the right to be able to play safely without other kids biting him and neither my son or I would want to get used to behaviour like this as we thought it was uncivalised and wrong.

Mind you at this stage DS's hand was bleeding everywhere and I had realised our little disagreement was number one attraction at the kids play barn we were at.
Maybe the woman was reacting as she did because she thought the child's parents were not at all bothered by his behaviour - not right but maybe areason.

I have to say though that at 2.7 DS has never hit or bitten anyone but we don't use anykind of physical punishment at home and believe rightly or wrongly that he doesn't do it because he has not learnt it from anywhere. And he is not allowed to watch power rangers or any other shite that I think encourages that sort of behaviour.

But I let him have fruit shoots and the odd haribo so he doesn't miss out!

Twinkie - it is very frustrating when parents refuse to adequately deal with their children's behaviour. It doesn't do the children any favours either, children who persistently bite/hit without being disciplined will end up being ostracised by other children.

The OP states this in her next post:

"I saw it and was just going to mention 'not nice to hit' to my freinds son and then distract him until his mum was free to talk to him about it but in the 3 seconds it took me to cross the playground the evil woman was already shouting at him. "

Looks like the other woman did not allow anyone else to react and take charge, but just barged in there shouting.

There is a massive difference in understanding of acceptable and unacceptable behaviour between a two year old and a 4 year old, for example. A 2 yo may understand in theory that hitting is not OK but hasn't developed the impulse control to stop him/herself. That isn't to say that the parents should turn a blind eye - of course not, or how will they learn, but I really think you cannot hold a 2yo fully responsible for his actions.

Since when did it become acceptable for one child to hit another but unacceptable for that child to be reprimanded for it? I am at some of the posts on here which seem to suggest that this is just normal two year old behaviour and should thus be tolerated because a two year old is only a baby?. Two is most certainly not a baby. And if the child was, as the op stated, terrified at being called a horrible nasty little boy, then he obviously has the understanding to be told that hitting is wrong and is not acceptable behaviour.

I would imagine that the mother of the other child reacted on impulse when shouting at him, we?re not talking about a tap after all, we?re talking about a full-blown wallop over the head with an implement. And while this child may have also acted on impulse, and may still need to learn what is right and wrong, the fact remains that his behaviour was unacceptable and it seems his mother was not available to deal with it. And at two you have to explain at the time, because 5/10/15 minutes after the event is too late, the child has forgotten what even happened.

And maybe he?s not a horrible nasty little boy at the moment, but if he persists in hitting other children and nothing Is done about it, that?s certainly how he?s going to turn out.

I don't think it is acceptable for a child to hit and not be reprimanded. I do, however, have an issue about the way this was done. The OP's second message suggests that the other woman did not given the OP chance to react herself before launching into the shouting.

My DD didn't hit and bite, never had a problem with this. However other children we know did, and yes, they were reprimanded gently and appropriately for their age. Shoulting nasty comments at a two year old is not the way to go about it. I can see no benefit whatsoever in that approach to disciplining. How will it help either child?

My DD when 4yo was hit very hard by another 4yo child with a plastic golf club. Even with a 4yo I did not react this way. It would not have been appropriate then, and definitely not with a two year old.

Wow, my thread has really stirred up a debate, some points though on what I have read

1. a two year old has been on the earth for not much over 730 days, they are learning to cope with the world and although we can guide them we can't control them. Perhaps if they were more equipped to deal verbally with situations fustrations could be sorted out at a less physical level.
2. A grown adult should be in control of their own emotions and temper
3. My friend would always reprimand her son if he hit someone else and 4} I don't think 2 year olds who occassionally clonk others will turn into little hooligans!

And the idea that two year olds hit because their parents have taught them to makes me
Oddly enough my ds went through a stage of biting other children, and he managed to think of it all by himself.
God, one thing that having a child with special needs really teaches you is that being totally smug and self-congratulatory that your child is perfect because you made them perfect is a sign of a weak mind.

I agree with Aloha and Tulips. And DS (touch wood up till now....) has never been a hitter. And the "hitters" I have known most certainly have not done so because their parents have hit them.

I really feel infuriated by this 'we don't hit him so he doesn't hit' stuff. Oddly enough I never bit my ds, but he still bit from time to time.
This child was TWO. My dd is a very bright 2yrs and 5months, and she thinks that if you are playing hide and seek, if she lies on the floor face down she is invisible to me!
The kid had two people with him who were going to say something, they just didn't bank on some screaming harridan with less self-control than a toddler.

oh bugger!
ds1 is just 2 and bites, pinches and scratches.
he scratched a baby across the face at the soft play last week. i could have died.
i crouched down, got hold of him and told him it was very, very naughty and he began to cry.
the mother of the baby said:
'oh.my.god. he has scratched his face'
to all the other mums she was with.
i retorted.
'get a grip love, he is crying now and im sure is sorry. wait till yours gets to 2 and see if he doesnt do something nasty now and again'
she said nothing!
my blood was boiling! lol

a bit like when your toddler explodes and is writhing onthe floor in tesco and all the new parents with your newborns stare at you like you are some sort of animal family and you smile to yourself thinking 'just you wait'

• their newborns

fgs, he's only two!

which farm, out of interest - we were at our local one yesterday.....