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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Help - what is wrong with me?? Have taken an irrational dislike to bf face

87 replies

Swellerellamoo · 17/06/2019 06:32

So bizarre wondered if anyone else had any wise words. We've been together for a year and I have always thought he was initially very handsome as well as then once getting to know him better and better , he is loving, generous, loyal, fun, shared interests and so on.

But recently I have been questioning the whole relationship as I have started to find the positioning of his nose completely off putting. He has a very short nose in comparison to the size of his face. I just seems the more I look at it like it's not quite right. It's making me question all my feelings about him. I'm not usually remotely body fascist and very easy going and don't understand this reaction at all. I don't know why on earth I would notice this / feel like this and welcome any advice.

OP posts:

WipeYourFeetOnTheRhythmRug · 17/06/2019 09:17

You've been with him a year and you haven't seen his toes?!

Not the point I know, but...

Sparadrap · 17/06/2019 09:26

That first flush of lust/sex/whatever you call it when you initially get together, has worn off. Relationships only work from this point onwards if you have fallen in love. It really really sounds like you haven’t. Sorry but he doesn’t sound like he is the right person for you.

DuMondeB · 17/06/2019 09:39

I knew it was over for me and an ex when I started to hear his breathing whistle through his nostrils.

Then I took an irrational dislike to the way he held his arms over his torso when standing in a queue.

It’s the Ick! And like PP, I don’t think there is any way back from it.

RuffleCrow · 17/06/2019 09:44

You're projecting your doubts about him onto his nose. You're allowed to end a relationship for any reason, you know. Maybe don't mention the nose thing when you do though.

MargotsFlounceyBlouse · 17/06/2019 09:46

There was a thread once, I think it's in classics where people documented odd/trivial things their partners did that ended the relationship. It was absolutely hilarious.

RuffleCrow · 17/06/2019 09:48

Just read he's never let you see his toes! I bet they're seriously webbed!

You sense this and your body is yelling "No webbed toed babies for you! Run!" And you should.

harper30 · 17/06/2019 09:56

How have you been with him a year and never seen his toes?????

teraculum29 · 17/06/2019 10:03

listen to your guts. I think that your guts telling you sth is not right with this guy for you.

LadyBumclock · 17/06/2019 10:07

He's never let me see his toes.

Bloody hell, and you thought the nose was a problem! :o

Seriously though I agree with others. It's your subcinscious telling you this isn't right. You don't want to be irritated or put off by his personality traits (snappy, unambitious, the meat thing etc) because you've allowed yourself to believe he's wonderful and you don't want that not to be true. So you're focusing on something physical so you can tell yourself not to be daft.

You may not want to end it but I would say don't move things forward or make any big decisions until you've let this pan out.

I never fancied my ex really and didn't like his chin and eyes (can't describe why exactly). I forced myself to overcome it because we were in lurve and I thought he was so great. It took me a long time to really understand what he was like, someone I had no respect for and who was very unpleasant to me long-term. Now he's my DC dad and we're all tied to him. I shudder when I see him.

It's not necessarily that he's deeply awful but I do think you should listen to your instincts - because IME it will catch up with you in the end.

Happinessbegins · 17/06/2019 10:11

Eww sex with socks on.

FizzyGreenWater · 17/06/2019 10:12

As everyone else said.

Pheromones, ick, it's your body saying NO.

You're through the first flush and this one is a resounding NOOOO.

You might keep going for a while as he's a nice guy but you will eventually not be able to bear him near you.

But - I have to say that all that aside there is no way on earth I'd still be with someone who wouldn't let me SEE THEIR TOES after a year together. That's seriously weird, or he has seriously weird toes. So ten tiny little red flags right there.

LightsInOtherPeoplesHouses · 17/06/2019 10:14

Have you started or stopped any hormonal contraception?

LadyBumclock · 17/06/2019 10:16

Aren't you desperate to see the toes though? I mean it's no one's fault or moral failing if they have unusual toes (mine aren't exactly foot-model standard) but banning you from seeing them would just make me NEED TO KNOW. I'd be trying to get a look when he was asleep.

alligatorsmile · 17/06/2019 10:20

You've gone off him. A relationship based on what you think you should feel is never going anywhere.

Tortoiselass · 17/06/2019 10:24

I need to know what his toes look like.

DistanceCall · 17/06/2019 10:26

"Liking" is not enough.

Were you initially sexually attracted to him? Did he turn you on? Did you get butterflies in your stomach when you looked at him?

tomatostottie · 17/06/2019 10:29

What's with his toes???

Sosayi · 17/06/2019 10:29

You have been with him a year and never seen his toes
How - Why I mean that Is seriously weird
When he goes to bed is he wearing his sock or something

ravenmum · 17/06/2019 10:41

ten tiny little red flags right there 😂

Seriously don't mention his nose, the poor man sounds like he has enough body image issues!

My bf has no nail on one big toe, from birth. Does not bother him at all. I love the fact that it doesn't bother him, and I love the shape of his feet and legs, like a Greek statue, or as someone else might say, knobbly :)

Pinkmouse6 · 17/06/2019 10:56

Sounds like you have gone off him, it happens. I know it sounds so cold and callous but I ended up feeling physically repulsed by my exH before we split. No real reason, I just didn’t love him anymore.

You need to split up.

Illberidingshotgun · 17/06/2019 11:02

A year is nothing in terms of dating, and I think that it's concerning that you can already draw up a list of concerns about him (putting the nose issue to one side for a moment). You should be still love struck, but even when you have said nice things about him there doesn't seem to be any "wow" in it at all.

Has he met your DC yet? How is the "snappy when tired" and loud/hyper/upset/grumpy/petulant children going to work??

You seem in two minds about wanting more DC - you say you don't want any more, yet you talk about him not being able to support you on ML?

A low paid job is fine, but it sounds as though he is still living at home with his parents? Has he ever lived independently? How would it work if the two of you started to live together - would he be able to contribute much?

Have a long think about this relationship OP, for your sake and for your DC's sake.

thaegumathteth · 17/06/2019 11:08

You have a long list of things that aren’t right and tbf a lot of them are seriously nit picking. Let him go - it sounds like you like the attention he gives you and the company but that you think he isn’t good enough for you really. Being sweet and kind and loyal is all well and good but if there’s no love or attraction you may as well get yourself a dog.

Original poster

Swellerellamoo · 17/06/2019 11:25

Thanks all - made me laugh about the ten little red flags right there he's always just been a bit private about his feet, wears trainer socks around the house... I know that I don't want any more kids as I genuinely can't afford anymore and do not want to ever have to rely on maintenance which could be withdrawn etc. So much so I would have a sterilisation, which I have told him. Yes he still lives at home and no he hasn't met my DC. Tbh unless I have a radical change of heart / feeling I think I have to do as pp suggest, which is sad, really as I thought I really did like / love him. I feel very shallow now !

OP posts:

Illberidingshotgun · 17/06/2019 11:35

You don't sound shallow at all, OP, you sound very sensible, because it's not really about his nose at all.

You do realise though, that you can't actually dump him until you've got a look at those those and reported back They must be very odd or ugly if you've literally never seen them

Illberidingshotgun · 17/06/2019 11:35

those toes

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