DH not supportive of career change

[Cheeseandapple]

I've been a teacher for 7 years and just come off mat leave and back to work for the summer term. The job is totally unrewarding, no autonomy, the way schools are run (I've worked in a few) is de-skilling very experienced teachers and I'm yet to find a school that shares my educational values. I'm no longer interested in pursuing promotion within education. I've discussed this with DH over the last few months but without knowing what I'd do instead.

I've recently started looking into retraining to become a solicitor. Just making initial enquiries into training routes, funding etc. for the past few weeks. Not mentioned anything to DH as he is so busy working and studying we barely have time to eat a meal together at the moment. Today we went on a long walk and so I took the opportunity to mention that I've started looking into this career change.

His only comment was on my pension payments and the financial pressure it puts him under (he's a very high earner). Then he walked ahead of me until the gap between us was so substantial he got home 5 mins before me and sulked.

He is a high earner and we have a large mortgage. When he has expressed unhappiness in his job I've said the most important thing is his happiness, we can downsize and be mortgage free if that is what he wants. I'd support him.

AIBU to be considering retraining and changing career rather than staying in a job I'm unhappy doing in order to keep paying into my pension, which I won't be able to draw for another 37 years and to take a pay cut for a few years until my salary increases again? Is it that uncommon?

Of course you’re not BU.

Your DH sounds very childish.

Oof, that's hard. If you want him to pay for it and he doesn't want to then you're a bit stuck TBH. He's not being unreasonable to not want to be the sole earner for years and accept the downsize in lifestyle (it's rare for anyone not a recent grad to get a training contract so you'll have to pay for the LLB).

So do you want to go back to uni and study for years? Do you expect your husband to be ye sole earner for all these years? Do you also have children he would be supporting as a sole earner in addition to supporting you? Sorry but t does sound selfish.

Realistically it is a very hard area to move into. Assume that you earn at least £34k and so to lose that would impact on most families.

Just a quick one to say to consider the cilex route to qualification. Means you work and study at the same time so less financially tricky than university, LPC etc. You could even get started while still in your current job which will then make you much more employable when looking at starting legal job.

PLus, it is it uni then will you be funded for a second degree?

He is being childish in not talking about it but what will this actually entail?

How many years of training will you have to do? I know becoming a solicitor is not an easy pathway.

I’m trying to make a career move in my 30s - albeit not one that I will need an additional degree for. Due to high cost of uni and having kids, I wouldn’t consider masters/degree.

I understand you dh financial concerns, however it's not fair for you to stay stuck in a job you hate indefinitely. So I think it would be something you need to look into carefully.

Don't do it - at least not becoming a solicitor. Unless you're a science graduate and you're near a big city anyway, then it might be worth it, possibly.

Regional law firms aren't recruiting much and the pay is meh, hours probably a bit better than teaching eventually you would need to make a plan for holiday cover from school starting.

Ex solicitor here... definitely ex!

I think this is the sort of thing you can’t spring on someone, you need to sit down with and discuss with the figures and be open to other sides view. You need to think about costs (conversion and lpc are 13k each) - could you do part time while continuing to earn? What about childcare if you have children.

I know you’ve said before that you are happy to downsize, but that comes with expense (stamp duty etc).

I’m the high earner in our relationship and if my husband suddenly sprung on me he wanted to change career and spend a lot of money retraining etc - especially with the uncertainty in the country I have to say I probably wouldn’t be too supportive.

You need to have an actual conversation and listen to ur husband. He’s the one whose going to be most affected. He’ll have to support you and be a sole earner. Responsible for providing for ur DC.

After discussing it If he still isn’t okay with that, you’ll need to consider.

Thanks for quick replies.

I'd do 1 year full time or 2 year part time conversion course (could try and get part time work) then 2 year paid traineeship. So I'd need some financial support for 1 year, possibly 2. I'd also need to fund the course. I wouldn't ask him to pay. I haven't looked into the options fully yet but my DF is likely to fund it or part fund at least.

DH has expressed that he'd like to quit his job and so something like deliver post. The way I see it is that this would enable us to swap roles eventually, so that I'd be the higher earner while he worked less.

We have 1DC and 1 due in December. I completely understand his concern about supporting a family of four. I guess I'm annoyed that he didn't have an ounce of anything positive or encouraging to say, no mind for my job satisfaction for the next 40 years.

Cilex sounds interesting. I'll have a look, thanks.

I've been a teacher for 7 years and just come off mat leave and back to work for the summer term

We have 1DC and 1 due in December

So you have given birth within the last year and are going to give birth again in 6 months-it sounds like your hands are extremely full! Is your DH worried about you taking on highly intensive law training with two tiny children?

Is it not a bit much to be thinking of a complete career change when you're due another baby?

With two do close together I'm not sure it's feasible to retrain at the moment, but it's worth considering perhaps in 3-4 years time

Not mentioned anything to DH as he is so busy working and studying we barely have time to eat a meal together at the moment.

Maybe he’s also stressed that he can’t offer much practical support with the kids etc for you to retrain at the moment?

Thinking of career change but not for a few years. I'm just doing initial digging, which I made clear to DH.

@namenic what are you looking to career change to?

Open to any other ideas too! The solicitor route is the only thing that I've been interested in since I started thinking about it in earnest but I'm not stuck on it.

@randomsabreuse can you tell me more about why your an ex solicitor? As a teacher I don't come across many other professions so would really appreciate any more insight you're able to give.

Do you mean he wants to become a postman OP?
What kind of salary cut would that entail?

@Cheeseandapple I am in a very similar situation...I'm toying with the idea of law but DH isn't keen, have 1 DC and due another at the end of the year.

I looked at training contracts but the only income would be the living cost grants which are £5/6k a year which isn't sustainable for me. I've considered self funding the GDL part time allowing me to continue working part time and then applying for a training contract to do the LPC full time as it'd then be less than a year of reduced earnings. However, I am a bit concerned that I'd do the LPC and end up not getting a training contract somewhere I'd like or the hours being crazy (I've been looking at London City firms). I've worked very long hours in the past (during my early years in medicine) but that was before having a family so I'm not sure if I'm basing my thoughts on this when all I had to do was get myself to work with minimal home responsibilities.

I'm very torn as I'm currently in a role which is very flexible and allows me to work part time but I keep coming back to law & probably need to do something sooner rather than later if I'm going to do it as I'm now in my early 30's. I'm considering trying to do some "work experience" towards the end of maternity leave & make a decision then.

Solicitor can be a very difficult field to break into. The big paychecks often come with very intense jobs. I never many who are just working on contract doing document review. So you aren’t just asking him to support you during your education, but possibly after.

If you know what kind of job you are hoping to get, maybe look into getting an administrative assistant position at that type of company. It would be different work, but it would give you a close up view of the reality of the job.

You’re probably not just looking at a few years on a lower salary. You seem to assume that you’ll go straight on to traineeship after exams, but the reality is that traineeships are very hard to find and most people have to do at least a year or two as paralegals on tiny salaries first.