DH not supportive of career change

[Cheeseandapple]

I've been a teacher for 7 years and just come off mat leave and back to work for the summer term. The job is totally unrewarding, no autonomy, the way schools are run (I've worked in a few) is de-skilling very experienced teachers and I'm yet to find a school that shares my educational values. I'm no longer interested in pursuing promotion within education. I've discussed this with DH over the last few months but without knowing what I'd do instead.

I've recently started looking into retraining to become a solicitor. Just making initial enquiries into training routes, funding etc. for the past few weeks. Not mentioned anything to DH as he is so busy working and studying we barely have time to eat a meal together at the moment. Today we went on a long walk and so I took the opportunity to mention that I've started looking into this career change.

His only comment was on my pension payments and the financial pressure it puts him under (he's a very high earner). Then he walked ahead of me until the gap between us was so substantial he got home 5 mins before me and sulked.

He is a high earner and we have a large mortgage. When he has expressed unhappiness in his job I've said the most important thing is his happiness, we can downsize and be mortgage free if that is what he wants. I'd support him.

AIBU to be considering retraining and changing career rather than staying in a job I'm unhappy doing in order to keep paying into my pension, which I won't be able to draw for another 37 years and to take a pay cut for a few years until my salary increases again? Is it that uncommon?

Law is generally much more stressful and less family friendly than teaching. Also these days, outside of city jobs, pay is probably less than teaching too (especially if you take into account pension). City jobs pay well but you would be expected to work 100 hour weeks at times and it’s entirely unpredictable when. Honestly, it’s a whole different world and it’s a struggle for women with a family.

Also as a pp says, it’s very competitive to get a traineeship and lawyers are snobs about universities.

If you really have a burning passion to be a lawyer, good luck. It’s not an easy option though. I don’t know anyone who works longer hours, even bankers.

He should want you to be happy.

This is a huge oversimplification of the OP's situation.

I want my DH to be happy. Of course I do. But if he walked in now and told me he wanted to give up a secure and reasonably paid job to go back to university, to train in a field that is notoriously demanding and stressful, often not family friendly and can take years to break into and in which he had no experience (so no guarantee that he will actually stick at it) and that I would be the sole earner and provider for our two DC while he was working towards this, I'm not sure how I would react. I know I would be anxious about it, concerned about the impact on family life, our finances and our future. Her DH shouldn't have walked off in a huff and he shouldn't be sulking instead of discussing the situation like an adult. But I think a cheery "whatever you want, dear. As long as you're happy" is too much to hope for!

Have you read up on the SQE? You should probably decide whether to get going ahead of it (hence be exempt) or wait. In your circumstances, I'd wait.

I feel pretty torn here OP. I wouldn't be happy if my husband were to re-train as a solicitor, I'd be worried about money, but I'd try to hide it.

Depends upon your finances, really.

Your DH might have a point, don't want to dash your dreams but pay for legal professionals is not that high (unless you are in a "magic circle firm"). I know it sounds too sensible, but financially you would be better off sticking to teaching (especially with the pension).

Maybe you could go part time, or change school?

This is quite complex and you will both need to communicate clearly to work through it or it has the potential to kill your relationship with resentment on both sides.

Speaking as a solicitor OP, honestly I wouldn't be supportive either. It's just not a very good idea.

I don't think it's the best thing to go into even when you're young, unencumbered and don't already have a decently paid, secure job you'd be jacking in and substantial financial commitments. It's even further from being an optimum choice in your situation. For all the reasons people have mentioned: increasingly crap money with even experienced lawyers in many fields lagging behind teacher wages, oversubscribed, expensive further study with only a minority of students ever getting any financial help with the fees, virtual certainty of a worse pension than you have now, probably worse hours than teaching at least initially.

Also given that you're talking about earning enough to be the family breadwinner, ie presumably more than you get now, that rules out whole areas of law. The more you're looking to earn, the more restrictions there are on the type of law and firm that will facilitate this. If you post a bit about your academics and, once you have done more research, the sort of firm and area you might be interested in, people can give you a brutally honest idea of whether this is realistic.

For all the reasons people have mentioned: increasingly crap money with even experienced lawyers in many fields lagging behind teacher wages,

Interesting-what sort of wages are you talking about?

A uni friend has just retired from a long and much enjoyed career in local government as a solicitor. She went into it for job satisfaction rather than the high salaries of private practice but it was very family-friendly with flexible working and so on, so closer to the pay and terms that you would be used to in education. She now has a part-time job also in the public sector. Another friend who did a law degree hated private practice during her training year and is now a senior social worker.

Could you perhaps try a couple of OU law courses during your maternity leave to see if you actually like law? It might be worth it before burning your boats. I enjoyed the law courses that I did and thought about law as a career but am very happy working as a professional in local government in a role that demands a degree but not a specific one; my colleagues have degrees in law, housing, education public administration, etc while mine is a language.

OP, weirdly I did exactly what you're planning to do, also after 7 years of teaching and with 2 small children.

I studied for 3 years (2 year p/t GDL and 1 year f/t LPC) whilst supply teaching, which was manageable. I got a training contract at the end my GDL so my LPC was funded. The study was really interesting and fulfilling.

However I then did 2 years as a trainee solicitor and just over 2 years as a qualified solicitor (litigation). I cannot express properly how stressful actually working in law is. The hours are crazy, you are always working to an unrealistic and often unnecessary deadline. As a junior you are frequently expected to manage cases with little support. The pressure to do everything perfectly is intense. It absolutely destroyed my mental health and I eventually left due to stress and anxiety.

I am now back teaching. Yes, teaching is stressful in some ways but it does not compare to law. I now appreciate how good I've got it in comparison, despite the pay!

Don't do it!

Well for example fedup1 asylum legal aid solicitors without supervisory responsibilities and a few years PQE would average about 30k. You might get a bit more with London weighting. Criminal solicitors seem to mostly top out around the mid 30s as well. So experienced teachers can and do get more than this. If you're working for a CAB you probably won't even break 30k. On the other end of the scale, you can multiply this several times over doing the best paid corporate stuff.

That's why it's important OP thinks about what sort of law she needs to do in order to achieve the financial goals she has in mind. It certainly is possible to earn a lot more than a teacher's wage as a solicitor, but OP isn't going to do it if she has a burning passion for mental health law or crime. And if she's looking at the most lucrative end of the sector, she will need to think about how difficult this is to break into.

It's not the best plan as career changes go. There seems to be quite a romanticised view about retraining as a solicitor and what it's like to be one. You're not the first person I've seen with a plan like this to retrain without appreciating what they'd be getting into.

You haven't actually been in teaching that long to write off the whole sector and anything connected.

Rather than picking a qualification with a specific job attached, you'd be better off working out what drives you /makes work meaningful/acceptable to you and find how to build a career path incorporating that.

There's also value in having a job that gives you stability and enables you to live the kind of life that makes you happy outside of work. Are you desperately miserable and so stressed it is making you ill, or simply not as constantly thrilled as you wish you were? You need to be realistic.

OP if you like law have you thought about something like a compliance role? I work in a certain field that requires legislative compliance (Not finance, although that might be of interest to you, there's money there!) I really enjoy the legal side to it and often said if I had my time again I'd be a solicitor. Obviously it's not the same as being a lawyer, but I love the interpretation of the law and trying to ensure a business is complying and challenging people on issues etc. But it's very 9-5, flexible work, and about to start a civil service role so my pension will be epic too. Just something to consider, it's very easy to think of the "main" jobs that are available, but there's lots of roles out there that don't have a label/set career path as such.

Oh and it's good money, I will be in the £40,000s but with experience and additional professional qualifications can get into the 6 figures (private sector for the big bucks though).

I want my DH to be happy. Of course I do. But if he walked in now and told me he wanted to give up a secure and reasonably paid job to go back to university, to train in a field that is notoriously demanding and stressful, often not family friendly and can take years to break into and in which he had no experience (so no guarantee that he will actually stick at it) and that I would be the sole earner and provider for our two DC while he was working towards this, I'm not sure how I would react
I entirely agree.

It's all well and good wanting to change careers, but when the expectation is someone else has all the financial stress and worries and demands to cover the whole household then it's not unreasonable for them to have reservations or to flat out say they wouldn t be happy with it.

I know a lot of people who did law degrees. Most aren't qualified solicitors etc. Many are working long hours in paralegal type jobs.

It sounds to me OP like you want a change but have a limited and unrealistic idea of what going into law will be like and what your chances will be. It is a massive financial risk on your family so you have to be open to how DH feels.

Thank you everyone for replying and for the time and thought you've all put into your responses. It's been so helpful. We talked last night briefly and cleared the air. He is under enormous stress at the moment. I told him it's just something I'm looking into, not saying I've signed up for a course this sept. Also told him he can, of course, disagree etc but that I need to be able to talk to him without feeling like I'm in trouble.

Lots of food for thought regarding actually training. Like I've said, my mind's not made up I've just been making initial enquiries into options and realities. Meeting with a solicitor I know in the next few weeks to talk about it and hope to find out more that way.

I've started looking into cilex (thank you to the pp who mentioned that). Also interested to find out more about compliance.

Teaching is definitely coming to an end for me and I'm trying to use my impending time off to sensibly plan a realistic exit (which may not be training to be a solicitor). I've lost the passion and 7 years is certainly enough time for me to make that decision. I'm not interested in teaching under a different guise but I don't have much clue about what else is out there. Pp made a good point about not needing to retain to enter most other professions, Judy be prepared to work my way up.

Thanks again everyone x