... to not tell my militantly vegan friend she ate fish sauce?

[Snuffalo]

I am a relaxed vegan, as are one of my kids, the other kid and my partner are mostly vegetarian. Basically what that means for me is that I would never spend my own money on animal products, and I wouldn't use them in my own cooking, but if someone else prepares food for me or I'm a guest in someone's home I'll eat what's put in front of me, for the most part - I won't have a sausage or a burger at your barbecue, but I'll eat the pasta salad even if has cheese in it, and I'll have some of your birthday cake even if it's made with eggs.

Anyway, my friend Alice- who is a militant, rather than a relaxed, vegan

• was over and I heated up what I confidently thought to be vegan sweet potato and black bean chilli that my partner had made earlier in the week. I know the recipe backwards and forwards because one of us makes it at least once a month with zero animal products so I had no reason to suspect otherwise. I must say it was especially delicious this time - because, as it turns out, my partner added some fish sauce because he'd read somewhere that it's good in chilli. I didn't find out until today and now I'm wondering if I should tell Alice? I can't decide if, in her shoes, I would want to know or not. Would you?

@PurpleDaisies has already posted this

From the Vegan Society...
Veganism is a way of living which seeks to exclude, as far as is possible and practicable, all forms of exploitation of, and cruelty to, animals for food, clothing or any other purpose.

This is the VEGAN SOCIETYs definition. This is what veganism is. Its not just only eating eggs and cheese when someone else cooks it.

I am not a vegan I am definitely an omnivore but faux veganism really annoys me. Don't say that you are vegan if you are not, say you are a vegetarian or a pescatarian or whatever. Don't pretend that your diet is better for saving the planet than mine. I eat ethically but don't label my diet.

I'm only 99% vegan, I'd still rather not know. I don't see why she needs to know or what good it would do if you told her.

Having read ALL the responses on this thread now, I think it's done more to put me off going vegan than the prospect of never eating real cheese again! This is not a club I would want to be a member of.
Fecksake, listen to yourselves. 'We're special hard-core vegans and it is UTTERLY POINTLESS to do veganism even 95% of the time, if you cheat the other 5% of the time and means you're not special like us.'

Think I'll stick with the sushi and sausages, thanks. Rather than try even some of the time to cut down on animal products, since that apparently isn't worth shit.

Why can’t people choose how they define their own diets? Weird that it bothers you so much.

As a PP said when someone suggested they didn’t think vegans should keep pets, ‘you do you’.

I don't eat any meat, dairy or animal products and I haven't done for over a year, but I do have leather shoes and I haven't veganised all my beauty products yet. Do I only call myself vegetarian?

If OP started self-identifying as vegetarian she would start getting served a whole lot of things she doesn’t want eat.

No one is saying that you shouldn’t bother to minimise your animal intake ffs just don’t call yourself a vegan if you’re not one.

It’s great that more people are eating less meat and animal products in general.

Veganism isn’t a diet though it’s a complete lifestyle and if don’t have those principles then don’t claim you do.

GlomofNit - vegan cheese is pretty shit. I've got used to not having cheese now.

I think it's fine to call yourself 99% vegan, if that is what you are.

but I do have leather shoes and I haven't veganised all my beauty products yet.

Do you buy new leather shoes and beauty products or are they ones you already owned?

The vegan definition quoted on this thread is excluding animal intake ’as far as is possible and practicable’ and that is entirely down to individual interpretation.

furrytoebean

"You either try to live a life minimising your harm to animals or you don’t."

See, this I just don't get. If being a vegan is trying to live a life minimising harm to animals, then that sort of accepts that even a vegan lifestyle doesn't achieve that totally. Right? So why attack someone who tries to do that almost all of the time and sometimes just tries a little less harder than all you hard-core lot? Surely we should all try to live lighter on the planet, but who appointed the Vegan Police that get to say which of us are trying THE BEST, and which of us lesser mortals aren't?

Furrytoe. Why would it make a difference if the shoes are old or not? Does that indicate that if something’s already dead it doesn’t matter if it’s used/consumed by a vegan?

Oh let's not turn this into a bashing for the OP over not being "vegan enough". It's tedious and has been down to death on other recent threads. She isn't asking for anyone to comment on her lifestyle choice.

No I wouldn't tell your friend, it was an honest mistake and nothing good will come of it. If your DH hadn't mentioned the fish sauce then you wouldn't even be in this predicament as you confidently served her something you thought had no animal products.

There's a real lack of understanding about what the term vegan means.
No you can't be a relaxed vegan or a vegan only at home, vegan means not only not eating any food product from an animal but also not wearing items from an item or purchasing items that any animals have been hurt to make. You can't have a friend that 'doesn't give a shit about animal welfare but is vegan' you mean you have a friend who is following a vegetable based diet they aren't vegan. Totally different thing. And yes terminology is massively important because when people atten restaurants and say things like 'I'm a vegetarian but I eat fish' or 'I'm a vegan but I'm ok with cheese' that's when restaurants start serving up these choices and thinking it's ok. You aren't vegan you are trying to stick to plant based foods a few nights of the week. You aren't vegetarian if you eat meat or fish stock sometimes. Just say what you are, don't try and blur the lines as it's really unhelpful for those that actually follow the diet.
My daughter is allergic to certain things, I want to know if I order a vegan meal it's actually vegan not 'well most vegans are ok with a bit of xxx'
No don't tell her, it isn't helpful now.

Fanaticism and fundamentalism never do any cause any favours. Fanatics often allow only themselves to be labelled as the true believers, and try prove to themselves and each other how truly fanatical they are.

Mindproject yes you are vegetarian.

@grumiosmum it’s not “some” vegans that don’t wear wool or leather - no vegan does. It’s just as important to us as our food or buying only cruelty-free beauty products etc.. If you follow a vegan diet but not the lifestyle then you’re plant-based. If you follow the diet plus won’t wear animals or use them in beauty products then you’re vegan.

I'm a 'militant' vegetarian if we are to use your mostly/militant definitions and I would be upset to know I had unknowingly eaten fish sauce. I would rather not know and not sure what you think you'd gain by telling her.
It's like anything, yes meat won't make me ill if I eat it (likely) but I chose to not eat it, be it diet or any choice we decide to make for ourselves, I think that should be respected.

The friend isn't a 'militant' vegan, she is a vegan. Calling yourself a vegan that eats non vegan foods sometimes is like being a Christian who commits the occasional murder.

Don't tell your friend

Don't call yourself a 'relaxed vegan' - you're not because the term is meaningless. See also 'flexitarian'

Mushroom ketchup is a great vegetarian alternative to Worcester sauce.

Why can't vegans have pets? I've got an incredibly spoilt and loved dog and cat....they're not being exploited in any way and certainly don't suffer any cruelty.

@Runmoreorless your post sums up the type of thoughts that keep me up at night!
I'm going to be pondering on this for a good few days!

TheIne. Not quite the same but ok.....🙄

Btw there's nothing WRONG with reducing your meat/dairy intake but please don't call yourself vegan. It causes problems for others because say the OP goes to someone's house and eats cheese and eggs. Then suppose I, another vegan, goes to that person's house and I get served cheese and eggs. The hosts reply would be 'oh but OP is vegan and she ate cheese/eggs'. See the problem?

Mygast. Surely keeping any animal captive, making it wear a collar, putting it on a lead, training it etc is exploiting it for your own personal benefit?

Out of interest, what do you do if your dog gets fleas? 🤔