To be really cross about this. Should I text?

[mummyrocks1]

I am sitting here really annoyed but DH thinks I am being over the top and should leave it or could end up loosing a friend over it- which I don't want to do.

We had arranged to see friends today, I had been texting all week to try and make arrangements for a place and time to firm up the arrangement. Not had much of a reply to set plans in stone and decide what to do. Raining all day so we both were struggling for ideas. Received text yesterday evening to say my friend would discuss with her DH best to do and text back. She didn't, so it was left.

Her DH rung my DH to arrange things today but several phone calls later nothing set in place. Eventually we decided on activity and time. We both had something on in the morning so arranged to meet at 2.

They have form for being late and not just a little late but up to an hour. This has annoyed DH and I in the past but we ve always left it. They are very flaky and their DD is a handful.

We waited at venue 10 minutes and they hadnt arrived, had a text from friends DH saying DD was having a meltdown and they were struggling to get out the door. They live half hour away and hadn't even left. Text sounded like they were just leaving so we waited another half hour. We knew they would be late but was annoyed as it's every time.

A further 20 minutes went past, by now they were 35 minutes late and we had been sat waiting for them with dcs. DH gets a message saying they were still struggling to get out the door! We went and did the activity without them.

I have had no apology from my friend or a sorry we didn't see each other. She did say she had a bad cold and had been working that morning. She wasn't going to do the activity because of this

Am I right to be annoyed? DH thinks it's fine but I am annoyed as yet again we have been let down. We often end up waiting for them, they arrive late/leave early from weekends away, or she double books and lets me down.

We are good friends and I love her but I am fed up with her constant flakiness. How can I left her know this without falling out?

If you really want more couple-y friends, take all the energy you are putting into trying to maintain this "friendship" and use it to get some new friends! Honestly, a week of texts, discussions and "several" phone calls to arrange a simple meet-up? Exhausting and unnecessary! They are obviously last-minute and disorganised and that isn't going to change, certainly not while you allow them to be so. They may be otherwise nice people but this behaviour is winding you up and taking far too much of your headspace so cut them loose, meet them separately and find some other couples to do things with instead.

Is she late when you just do things with her and no DHs or kids?

I wouldn't worry too much about doing couple things for a while if it's not working out. You see her and DHs can if they want to. We have very few couple friends. I prefer to see my friends separately as does DH.

She is usually late when we do things without dcs, but not as bad. In the early days of our friendship she would let me down, change plans regularly but since we ve got closer over the years she is more reliable.

So what shall I reply to her texts? She has outrightly asked me if I was upset, it's my opportunity to tell her.

I like doing things separately but when I talk to others about meals, dinner parties in couples I wish our social life was more like that.

You could try replying factually, eg: "Yes, of course! I was really disappointed as I was looking forward to it and we ended up waiting around for xx minutes."

See what she replies?

She's asked you outright so be honest, but be gentle. Perhaps something along the lines of.......

.I'm not angry or upset....just disappointed. I was really looking forward to seeing you yesterday and for us to be able to meet up all together. I understand life can be tricky sometimes and I'm sorry you are feeling unwell at the moment but this isn't the first time you've been running really late or let me down at the last minute. I really value your friendship and enjoy the time we spend together, please could you try and be a little more considerate of my time in future.

I would bring more couples/friends into your days out.
I have a few good friends who are not to be relied on, I sometimes tell them if things are going on but I don't rely on them and automatically assume they wont turn up even if they say they are going to.

I had a friend like this. Her best excuse after I text her when she was already an hour late, 'I feel like I might have a headache coming on later'.
So, not an actual headache, just the possibility that one might appear at some uncertain later date.
I stopped making all the arrangements and for a while we didn't see much of each other, but then she started to get in touch with me.
She is a lovely person and a true friend. However, I have accepted that timekeeping is an issue for her, and no longer turn up on time (early) myself. Sometimes I'm even a bit late. I think you have to decide where your line is, and then draw it, because she cannot see it otherwise.