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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being silly or right?

67 replies

Sillyorright · 16/06/2019 09:58

Changed username but was on site for a long time, though my first AIBU
Yesterday DP and I attended a friend’s party. It was a lot of different people, some we knew, so we didn’t and some we only usually meet once or twice a year at this friend’s party
Good party where everybody mingles and chit chats. DP is quite sociable so we quite often chatted to different people. A few times I joined him in his conversations - all jovial and nice.
Towards the end when only about 10-12 people were left I joined DP in his conversation with a woman, whom we haven’t met before. DP is usually quite good with listening to people and quite often people open up to him. When I joined a lady told me that my DP is a good psychologist, we laughed about it. Then DP asks her to show her hands (he tells everyone he can do palm-reading, which I doubt I think he usually just uses it to say nice things to people or do a bit of a pep talk). She shows hands to him, he asks her if he should tell her what he saw. She says yes. Then DP asks her if it is ok to tell in front of me - I was a bit taken aback and said to him “you must be kidding”. He answers “it is private”. She then looks at me and says “oh it is a good point, do you mind leaving?”.

I left them but was quite upset and felt it was rude. They talked for about 2 minutes when her friend approached her and she excused herself from conversation and left my DP. DP approaches me and I said to him I felt it was rude of him to kick me out. He just walked off.
In about 5 minutes she gets back to him and asks to continue conversation, he goes with her outside to garden and has about 15 minutes conversation, now and then glancing back and seeing I am standing on my own. He then gets back and tries to dance with me, I was quite upset by the time and said to him I want to go home.

We have a huge argument at home. I felt it was his initiative to exclude me from conversation and not hers, he gave her an idea to do so. I also said to him if he felt it was private he could have just said to her, I will get back to you and spend some time with me instead of kicking me out. She didn’t kick her friend out when the friend approached and just went with it why did he need to kick me out?

We had a huge argument and still not talking. I know it is a silly argument but DP has a form of thinking of other people’s feelings but not mine. By the way he was not attracted to her. So it is not a jealousy thread...

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
MaidenMotherCrone · 16/06/2019 10:00

Not unreasonable. He's an arse.

BlueJava · 16/06/2019 10:04

Sorry but that's very strange indeed! Why ask your partner to leave the conversation?! I don't think you are unreasonable at all!

MissLadyM · 16/06/2019 10:06

What an arsehole! I'd be furious and I'd want answers!

Original poster
Sillyorright · 16/06/2019 10:06

Thank you for your reply. I felt he was.
If she was the one asking me to leave I would have felt it was rude but at least I could have just approached my DP and asked him for a dance after a few minutes. In this situation I felt I cannot approach them as they are still talking.

OP posts:
Gardai · 16/06/2019 10:07

palm reading at parties Confused
He made a dick of you at that party OP

Broombroomshaketheroom · 16/06/2019 10:13

Your husband sounds a bit unhinged OP, tbh. And that is really creepy behaviour. If a guy did that to me at a party I'd feel like he was being predatory.

Original poster
Sillyorright · 16/06/2019 10:15

I did ask for answers, and his explanation was she was sharing with him her life problems (she keeps losing jobs she gets), he felt she connected with him and he wanted to have a bit of pep talk with her to help out.
I don’t mind that but I am not sure why it was not possible with me standing next to him, and if for some reason it was not possible why he couldn’t make it in more subtle way - spend some time with me and get back to her (we weren’t constantly together anyway) instead of just kicking me out in such an open way.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sillyorright · 16/06/2019 10:17

Broom, it wasn’t really creepy, he has a very nice way talking to people and manages to encourage them. I don’t think it felt predatory, more just friendly.

The thing is I don’t mind him having this talks, I just mind being asked to leave in such a rude and open way.

OP posts:
Passthecherrycoke · 16/06/2019 10:19

What a horrible man!

ScreamingValenta · 16/06/2019 10:22

This palm reading is just nonsense which he's indulging in to get attention and make himself feel important. It's a shame people are gullible enough to play along with it. Sending you away is just part of making his nonsense appear mysterious and significant. I'd tell him either he stops this rubbish altogether, or you'll go to future parties without him.

wineandroses1 · 16/06/2019 10:23

That’s really odd. Does he actually think reading palms is real? Whatever. In your shoes I would think he was coming on to her (and what sort of creep does that in front of his wife?) and then dismissing you?? I would have been furious, and then he follows this up with the 15 minute conversation in the garden - WTF? I would have left him at the party and gone home. And locked the door. What a creep, I wouldn't tolerate being treated like that.

SerenDippitty · 16/06/2019 10:23

You’re not being silly. He behaved very rudely.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 16/06/2019 10:33

OP, I'm sorry but I'm another one who thinks your DP's behaviour isn't just rude, it's creepy. In fact it's downright sinister. He pretends he can palm-read in order to encourage people he barely knows to "open up" to him about their personal lives and then takes them off for a little 'pep talk'?? Pretending he has some sort of unique psychic insight into people's lives, which he knows to be bullshit, to get them to divulge information, it's just so manipulative.

Creepiness aside, yes he was rude to you. It sounds as though it's all about him and you're just sort of trailing after him while he's circulates around the party trying to charm everyone. You talk about joining him in his conversations with people as though it's some sort of privilege to do so. He clearly has a very high opinion of himself and it sounds as though you're very much playing second fiddle.

rainbowstardrops · 16/06/2019 10:34

How very odd! I'd have been bloody cross too!
Mind you, I'd have probably said to him that his ability to read palms is no better than my ability to read clouds! He sounds like he wants to feel important.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 16/06/2019 10:38

He's a rude shite and is making out that you're U in order to assuage his guilty conscience at getting called out for being such a dick. I'd be strongly reconsidering staying with someone who behaves that way.

KurriKurri · 16/06/2019 10:38

How rude and nasty of him. The idea that it was something 'private' is rubbish because it is all made up anyway. Does he normally go around preying on women and asking to fiddle witht heir hands - that is weird behaviour. I would wonder what he so desperately wanted to say to her in private. How do you know he isn't attracted to her - is it because he says so ? - Because you already know he has form for talking total bollocks.

Whatever the circumstances - you don't tell someone (least of all your wife) to go away at a party because you want to talk 'privately' you cancel your private chat and include them in the conversation. He sounds like a complete knob - sorry.

RestingBitchFaced · 16/06/2019 10:52

Why are you going along with this bullshit? I would be embarrassed if my DP/H behaved like that. How do you know he didn't find her attractive? Because he told you, and you believed him?

ContessaIsOnADietDammit · 16/06/2019 10:56

I think I must be the only one here who wouldn't have minded this and would have left when asked Confused

Original poster
Sillyorright · 16/06/2019 10:59

I know he didn’t find her attractive - it would sound rude but she was quite older than him and really not his type. Plus in conversation you could feel it.

He doesn’t use palm reading to get info out. It is more that people quite readily share with him their problems and then he uses palm reading to advise and encourage them in non-arrogant way, it is hard to explain but it is a bit fun when he does that and people do get along. He is not using it to feel important but more to talk to people in gentle way when they ask for advice.

Anyway thanks for all your perspectives - I showed to him thread and he apologised now for excluding me.

OP posts:
Mintlegs · 16/06/2019 11:01

Each to their own but palm reading? Really? Is this man a renowned host for this skill? What a load of bull. He used this as an excuse. Do not make let him make you feel like rubbish. I would do the same to him, tell him you are tapping into your psychic powers and approach the best looking man I. The room with your amazing new skill and tell him to do one! Honestly, it sounds like your self esteem needs some care and attention! Please, put yourself first. If you are not strong enough to leave, act like not bothered but monitor him closely, his actions will speak volumes!

Butteredghost · 16/06/2019 11:12

Not the end of the world but yes I would have thought it was rude. Tell him if it happens again you'll just say to the person "actually he can't read palms, he just pretends he can and gives people little fake pep talks".

AFistfulofDolores1 · 16/06/2019 11:26

Me too, Contessa.

PositiveVibez · 16/06/2019 11:33

Urgh 'pep talks' and palm reading. He sounds like an absolute creep.

I would think he was a right weirdo if I seen him lurking around women, reading their palms and asking his wife to leave so he could have private conversations.

Drogosnextwife · 16/06/2019 11:34

I think you should have a word with him about his fake palm reading. I would be embarrassed if my dp did this to people. He sounds like a self indulgent arse. I would have laughed at them both, and asked her if she realised that he was talking shit.

Drogosnextwife · 16/06/2019 11:36

I think I must be the only one here who wouldn't have minded this and would have left when asked

Yeah but he can't actually read palms Hmm

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