Am I being silly or right?

[Sillyorright]

Changed username but was on site for a long time, though my first AIBU
Yesterday DP and I attended a friend’s party. It was a lot of different people, some we knew, so we didn’t and some we only usually meet once or twice a year at this friend’s party
Good party where everybody mingles and chit chats. DP is quite sociable so we quite often chatted to different people. A few times I joined him in his conversations - all jovial and nice.
Towards the end when only about 10-12 people were left I joined DP in his conversation with a woman, whom we haven’t met before. DP is usually quite good with listening to people and quite often people open up to him. When I joined a lady told me that my DP is a good psychologist, we laughed about it. Then DP asks her to show her hands (he tells everyone he can do palm-reading, which I doubt I think he usually just uses it to say nice things to people or do a bit of a pep talk). She shows hands to him, he asks her if he should tell her what he saw. She says yes. Then DP asks her if it is ok to tell in front of me - I was a bit taken aback and said to him “you must be kidding”. He answers “it is private”. She then looks at me and says “oh it is a good point, do you mind leaving?”.

I left them but was quite upset and felt it was rude. They talked for about 2 minutes when her friend approached her and she excused herself from conversation and left my DP. DP approaches me and I said to him I felt it was rude of him to kick me out. He just walked off.
In about 5 minutes she gets back to him and asks to continue conversation, he goes with her outside to garden and has about 15 minutes conversation, now and then glancing back and seeing I am standing on my own. He then gets back and tries to dance with me, I was quite upset by the time and said to him I want to go home.

We have a huge argument at home. I felt it was his initiative to exclude me from conversation and not hers, he gave her an idea to do so. I also said to him if he felt it was private he could have just said to her, I will get back to you and spend some time with me instead of kicking me out. She didn’t kick her friend out when the friend approached and just went with it why did he need to kick me out?

We had a huge argument and still not talking. I know it is a silly argument but DP has a form of thinking of other people’s feelings but not mine. By the way he was not attracted to her. So it is not a jealousy thread...

Am I being unreasonable?

He does it for attention.

Oddly people with certain personality disorders find ot very easy to get people to open up to them. Gives them a sense of power and an ego boost.

This is what this man makes me think of.

Doesnt matter if he fancies the woman or not. He is enjoying having a 'special connection'. Its fucking creepy and almost like grooming to have them hanging on his every word.

Imagine it this way, without the palm reading..

You're having a conversation with someone who has just disclosed something sensitive and at that moment, someone joins you. You just move on and talk about something else don't you?

This happens all the time. You would never ask the person to go away. How self-involved and rude.

Fwiw, I think the advice giving is weird even without the palm reading.

You say he has history for putting others before you.

There's a concept of the white knight syndrome. A person either male or female who believes their mission is to help others and they are able to do it better than anyone else. Frankly these people are controlling and dangerous not to mention a pain to be in a relationship with.

Someone who truly supports others treats them like an adult and if they really feel they have positive advice gives it when asked ,in a adult manner.

I've spent my entire adult life in an Industry that arguably helps others and people like this are considered silly at best dangerous at worst.

If he wants to "gently encourage " then provide what he feels is advice in a sensible appropriate way.

What he's actually doing , and sending you away is part of it , is needing to be the saviour and the main player in others people's lives. You being there takes away from his shine. Which he so desperately needs to feel special as he ultimately does not believe he is.

People like this will sell you down the river time and time again for his great crusade....ita not unlike drugs....he is searching for the external validation that he is different and special and a saviour and that will never fully come as frankly self esteem can only come form inside.

OP think carefully how many times he has dashed off to rescue someone and left you... I guarantee it was rarely necessary.

You will come second to his own internal need for gratification ...you deserve so much better than to be a bit player in his glory seeking

He sounds creepy as fuck.

He was just testing if he'd do well in the single market, and if his palm-reading chat up line still works...

It does, but you were cramping his style

Bloody hell Shinyletsbebadguys you've just exactly described my exh.

The amount of times I was left while he would rush off to assist one or other friend who needed him desperately because they were having marital problems and they needed him to come and mediate; nothing violent, they just wanted his input or in one case to talk a friend's wife into returning to the husband she's just left.

He was always doing things like that, not just marital problems, always wanting to help and organize thing and poke his nose in.

And everyone else was always more important or worthy of his time and consideration than our children or me.

Like the OP he would want me kept out of the loop - not that I wanted to be involved - because I wasn't worthy of being included. It was all about him running to the rescue and getting busy.

That's really interesting.

And it's creepy as hell.

That's codependence, shiny. It's a recognised addiction.

You are not being silly op.

I could not be with a man who read palms at parties. How embarrassing.

springydaff How is what shiny described codependence?

God you are all being SO harsh!!! OP I don’t agree with 99% of posters. It sounds like a fun party trick and if people want to open up and get advice then maybe he is making them feel a bit better. He asked for the privacy because the lady had already confided in him, not in both of you. And he only wanted 15 mins to finish their conversation, he didn’t leave you for very long. It all sounds like a storm in a tea cup to me, and if he is generally a good partner then I would just accept his apology and move on.

Mummadeeze Did you read the bit about him always thinking about other people's feelings above the OP's?

What a creep! And he has form for this, how surprising.

Codependence is often misunderstood, a complex disorder.

What shiny describes is a recognised part of codependence. I would say what shiny describes is probably the malignant end of codependence. Not everyone who is codependent is malignantly codependent.

I agree with everything everyone has said. He's a dick and I hope he's still reading this thread.

It was a but rude, but I don't think it that bad. Unless the purpose was for him to have time alone with her so he could flirt.
I do find it troubling that if he doesn't believe in palm reading that he is pretending to do that. If he believed in it, then I'd be tempted to understand his pep talks.

Patronising twat, giving people pep talks and encouraging them. What the fuck does he know about actual counselling/psychology? What he’s doing is dangerous. He should not be advising people as though he knows what he’s doing. Idiot. And going off for a private consultation?! I would have absolutely gone ballistic with his bollocks. How do you stand it, OP? He’s doing this purely for his own ego/satisfaction.