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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To keep breast feeding

86 replies

Onescaredmuma · 16/06/2019 08:06

My DS is 19 months I'm being told mainly by my mum I need to stop feeding him now he's too old Sad.

The problem is I'm terrified to stop my DS has been repeatedly in hospital for respiratory issues (mainly chest infections) he was so poorly he spent his first birthday in a hospital away from home in the PICU coming off a ventilator. He's been into hospital for 3-4 nights another 3 times since then, one time we were back in the room they put him on the ventilator to transfer him to the other hospital and his right lung had completely stopped working.

When he gets poorly he usually first looses his appetite and will only accept the breast. I'm genuinely scared that without the calories he was getting from the milk we may have lost him as the problem was he was getting to tired and no longer had the energy to breathe for himself.

The other problem I'm having with him is every time he gets sick he gives up more foods. He used to eat everything before he turned 1. After the first illness he wouldn't eat any vegetables
next one he won't eat bread or apples and Bananas.
Next one he gave up milk other than breast and yoghurt.
He's just gotten over chicken pox and now won't eat cereal or cheese. Which is crazy as cheese is his favourite and was his second word!
I'm at a total loss he really won't touch anything in being told I need to stop feeding him but I'm worried he'll be going back to exclusively breast feeding at this rate.
I don't know if it makes a difference but he's in 2 daily medicines to help keep his airways open and an inhaler twice a day with a second inhaler for during the day if he needs it (he hasn't in needed it regularly since the weather warmed up)
Not sure how much sense this makes I've been up feeding alot in the night and my 2 dds have chicken pox so it's been a rough few weeks.

Sorry its so long my AIBU is in the tittle really is it on for me to just keep feeding him just until I know he's string enough to handle the the winter.

OP posts:
Peachsummer · 16/06/2019 08:08

Feed for as long as you want. I’m still feeding at 17m and anyone who tells me to stop needs to mind their own business.

Istherealawyerinhere · 16/06/2019 08:10

What a wonderful mother you are, and how brave as a person. I am sorry to hear about what you are going through - it sounds scary and upsetting to say the least.

Of course you should continue to BF, and ignore anyone who says otherwise. Aside from the calories, the comfort it provides (both of you really) makes a difference. Nursing my son after his operation recently really hit home to me the full comfort effect of breastfeeding. It’s not to be diminished and there’s no rule anywhere that says you need to stop now or even soon.

AbsolCatly · 16/06/2019 08:12

DD was 3 before she finally gave up - my Dad made one comment when she was about 18 months (light hearted as he is not a twat) and I pointed him in the directions of WHO guidelines that recommend 2 years

With what you are dealing with I would stick with the breast feeding but speak to health visitor /medical team about encouraging more foods so he gets a balance

Newyearnewunicorn · 16/06/2019 08:13

Keep feeding him until you’re ready to stop. You’ll know when you’ve had enough. I kept feeding my ds as he kept refusing food and but now he’s nearly two I’m ready to stop.
The only issue is make sure you tell all hcps the reason he’s not losing weight is because you’re feeding him. More would have been done for ds if he’d lost weight but I fed him to avoid that.

anothercuppaforme · 16/06/2019 08:14

Sorry to hear about your son’s health problems.

Continue breastfeeding for as long as you’re both happy to - it’s not your mum’s business. You don’t have to tell her.

I’m still BFing my boy at 29 months. Neither my parents or in laws make any comment about it (and they have opinions on most matters!)

Greywalls12 · 16/06/2019 08:14

YANBU, BF for as long as you both feel comfortable Flowers

moreismore · 16/06/2019 08:14

Absolutely keep going! You’re doing a wonderful job

BlueMoon1103 · 16/06/2019 08:14

Keep BF if you want to but I do think you need to be firmer with your son about food. At 19 months his diet should be mainly food and it won’t help him get stronger if he’s not eating! Maybe only let him have breastmilk after a small amount of food so he doesn’t go back to EBF which wouldn’t be ideal at his age?

Original poster
Onescaredmuma · 16/06/2019 08:16

Thank you both for your kind replies I think as even DH is saying I need to think about stopping soon as DS still feeds a fair bit through the night I'm starting to doubt myself. I know DH is just trying to look after me as well but I'm just not ready to stop yet, on days where he's barely eaten I think at least I know he's had milk.

OP posts:
Peachesandcream14 · 16/06/2019 08:16

In your position there would be no way I'd be stopping bf OP. I fed DD until she was almost two, I only stopped as she was still waking frequently at night and I couldn't cope with the sleep deprivation any longer. People who judge are being ridiculous, the WHO advice is to continue to breastfeed until at least two years old anyway. It sounds like your little boy still really needs it, and you don't need the hassle of giving up and having to find new forms of comfort and nutrition. Do what's best for you and your little one, ignore unhelpful people with weird issues with bf.

Surfskatefamily · 16/06/2019 08:16

Stop when you and baby are ready.

Next time she says it just roll your eyes and ignore. Its recommended to 2 years old and in many cultures not unusual to 4years old

SurfingGiantess · 16/06/2019 08:17

It's recommended now to feed until 2 years of age and that's just something to tell your mum. You feed for as long as you want to. Xx

LadyMinerva · 16/06/2019 08:17

I'm not trained in medicine but it sounds like breastfeeding is giving him some needed nutrients and, more importantly, comfort while you try to get his other issues under control. If you are happy to continue for now then do so. Your mum can just stfu!

What does his doc say?

TillyTheTiger · 16/06/2019 08:24

Ignore what anyone else has to say, your breastfeeding has absolutely nothing to do with them. It's benefiting your son, so keep going until one of you wants to stop.
The WHO guidelines actually say 'two years and beyond', it's not a limit. There are plenty of supportive Facebook groups if you are looking for encouragement- try Breastfeeding Older Babies And Beyond.

HenSolo · 16/06/2019 08:25

Oh you poor love please carry on breastfeeding. I had to ignore so many people to carry on, there is a real culture of stopping as soon as possible.
My son was also very ill with respiratory problems at the same age in and out of hospital and I firmly believe the breastfeeding helped. Also a great comfort for them. I even had a doctor come into the room at about 3am one night when I was feeding him (I think he was about 14 months at the time) and say, “You know he doesn’t need that any more, you can move on.”

I was furious!!

Original poster
Onescaredmuma · 16/06/2019 08:26

Wow had a few responses while I was responding thank you so much for being so supportive. I am trying with food I promise he doesn't get away with eating nothing. He will always eat chicken nuggets, chicken sausages and fish fingers I know they're not the most nutritional but they're keeping him on solids. I home make chips in an actifry with the fish fingers(I have tried other roasted veg he won't touch it and screams until he can't breath and needs his inhaler if I try to force the issue) With Sausages or chicken nuggets he has mash potatoes with Carrots or brocoli hidden in it.
He hates pasta but I make turkey and lentil bolognais and put it on mashes potatoes for him.
His sisters eat amazingly well so I'm hoping the more he sees them the better he will be but we're 8 months down the line from his first hospital appointment and it's getting worse with every illness.

OP posts:
FaithInfinity · 16/06/2019 08:26

Feed him for as long as you and he both want to! I was also going to say WHO recommend feeding until 2. If you’re getting tired, you could try night weaning. We night weaned DD at 9 months because I was back at work and exhausted! It didn’t affect her feeding in the day.

TheJoxter · 16/06/2019 08:27

I fed my first til 2.5 and my second is still breastfed at 21 months and not thinking about stopping any time soon. I know two 3 year olds who are still breastfed and have met a boy who was breastfed til he was 4

Aboatofbacardi · 16/06/2019 08:28

My daughter is 3 and a half and still breastfed.
Only in the morning and at night but until about 4 months ago she was still having it through the night too

Nofilter101 · 16/06/2019 08:29

Don't stop beofre you are ready. My dd is 3. 5 and still feeding multiple times day and night. Can't see her stopping or reducing any time soon tbh

Sosososotired · 16/06/2019 08:30

I’m still bf my 27mo for health reasons. He has multiple allergies so worry about his nutrition (he has only just started liking his vitamin). Keep bf as long as you want, it really isn’t anyone’s business.

On another note, I think fussiness and toddlerhood go hand in hand. Just keep offering new foods alongside his favourites and eventually he may take a liking to something!

SleepingStandingUp · 16/06/2019 08:31

OP you feed your kid however and whatever he will take!! I have a child who doesn't eat properly, he's been tube fed since birth. If I could have breast fed him instead I bloody would have.

However ido think you need some support. Have SALT / SLT or OT got any involvement with you? They can offer you support on how to get him back eating food etc. Or a dietician?

What's your schedule for food feeds and milk feeds? Do you only offer milk after he's tried food? Sounds like he's got a fair range of foods he will eat, so don't worry too much about what he won't eat and def do not force the issue or let anyone around you try to force him x

Mummyoflittledragon · 16/06/2019 08:31

Don’t worry about what your ds eats nutrition wise. You could get him some liquid multivitamins and fish oil supplements if you are concerned. As for breastfeeding, I chose to stop when dd was 2 1/2 due to dds erratic pattern, which was causing me pain. I’m pretty sure she was gearing up to self wean. Do what is right for your family. My mother was the same with me. She was jealous.

LuckyKitty13 · 16/06/2019 08:32

kellymom.com/ages/older-infant/ebf-benefits/

Hes not too old, show this to anyone who's trying to put you off. Youte doing a great job, continue as long as you're both happy.

xSharonNeedlesx · 16/06/2019 08:32

My dd is nearly 27 months, has no respiratory issues like you ds and is still feeding. I have only this week stopped feeding in the night as I was fed of her waking up for it.

You feed as long as he and you need to. Ignore any other comments apart from ones telling you ‘well done, you’re doing a good job!’