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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To keep breast feeding

86 replies

Onescaredmuma · 16/06/2019 08:06

My DS is 19 months I'm being told mainly by my mum I need to stop feeding him now he's too old Sad.

The problem is I'm terrified to stop my DS has been repeatedly in hospital for respiratory issues (mainly chest infections) he was so poorly he spent his first birthday in a hospital away from home in the PICU coming off a ventilator. He's been into hospital for 3-4 nights another 3 times since then, one time we were back in the room they put him on the ventilator to transfer him to the other hospital and his right lung had completely stopped working.

When he gets poorly he usually first looses his appetite and will only accept the breast. I'm genuinely scared that without the calories he was getting from the milk we may have lost him as the problem was he was getting to tired and no longer had the energy to breathe for himself.

The other problem I'm having with him is every time he gets sick he gives up more foods. He used to eat everything before he turned 1. After the first illness he wouldn't eat any vegetables
next one he won't eat bread or apples and Bananas.
Next one he gave up milk other than breast and yoghurt.
He's just gotten over chicken pox and now won't eat cereal or cheese. Which is crazy as cheese is his favourite and was his second word!
I'm at a total loss he really won't touch anything in being told I need to stop feeding him but I'm worried he'll be going back to exclusively breast feeding at this rate.
I don't know if it makes a difference but he's in 2 daily medicines to help keep his airways open and an inhaler twice a day with a second inhaler for during the day if he needs it (he hasn't in needed it regularly since the weather warmed up)
Not sure how much sense this makes I've been up feeding alot in the night and my 2 dds have chicken pox so it's been a rough few weeks.

Sorry its so long my AIBU is in the tittle really is it on for me to just keep feeding him just until I know he's string enough to handle the the winter.

OP posts:
PhillipeFellope · 16/06/2019 11:07

If you're happy, and he is happy, keep going!

It's nothing to do with anyone else.

ElspethFlashman · 16/06/2019 11:07

I would also think about night weaning. Or feeding with milky water in a cup instead or something. Night feeds do diminish daytime appetite and you must be shattered.

We night weaned quite early and it 100% did NOT stop night wakings but it did reduce them to one or two and they ate far more during the day.

JustTheCrowsAndTheBeef · 16/06/2019 11:16

YANBU. It’s no-one else’s business and frankly they don’t need to know. I fed DD until she was 3.5 and for the last 18 months the only people who knew were me, DH, and DD.

AhoyDelBoy · 16/06/2019 11:34

I’m really heartened to read all of these replies from women who have breastfed for longer than ‘normal’ (some random, arbitrary age people decide a baby/toddler is too old). I’m still breastfeeding my 21 month old DD and she hasn’t had any of the issues you are facing with your DS. She’s still not that great an eater though and I feel the breastfeeding is a good supplement. She’s also no way near ready to stop. Crack on, I say!

Pinkmouse6 · 16/06/2019 11:40

Don’t stop until it feels right to. I know plenty of people who BF until two years and beyond. Do whatever feels right.

NewSchoolNewName · 16/06/2019 11:42

YANBU to keep breastfeeding for as long as you and your DS want to. There’s plenty of nutrition in breast milk to keep him going while you work on tackling his food issues.

My DS2 breastfed until he self weaned at about 2yrs 9 months, and DS3 is still breastfeeding now at 2.5 years. I think there’s a lot more toddlers still breastfeeding than most people realise, it’s just less visible as they get older and start eating more solid food.

Greatbigwhoooo · 16/06/2019 11:54

We are still going at 2 1/2 and she has a tummy bug at the moment - mummy milk is the only thing she can keep down, I’m so grateful for it! I stopped much earlier with DC 1 & 2 (for good reasons at the time) but DC2 regularly had tonsillitis and viral wheezes and being able to bf would have helped loads. Seeing other mums bf older babies and toddlers in public gave me the confidence to keep going longer with Dc3 so if I can help perpetuate this for someone else I feel like I can put up with a few people who comment and think it’s any of their business. There’s a great Facebook group called ‘breastfeeding older babies and beyond’ if you need some more reassurance and back up.

Greatbigwhoooo · 16/06/2019 12:00

Oh and dc2 who was poorly a lot also had a very small appetite a lot of the time a drank a lot of cows milk. Breast milk would have been better!

Original poster
Onescaredmuma · 16/06/2019 12:05

You have all really made me feel so much better. Although quite a few of my friends breastfeed DS is the oldest so I'm starting to worry people will think it's strange. I have a friend who's lovely but asks every few weeks if I'm still feeding him and when I think I'll stop.

We are trying to nighttime wean DH now puts him to bed after his last feed. He's terrible at going to sleep so can actually take a couple of hours. He then tries to settle him the first wake up but after that we bring him into our bed so we can get some sleep. We're having some success as the night before last he slept 10-5 but last night he only did 6:30-10:30 then was up alot during the night.

OP posts:
JustTheCrowsAndTheBeef · 16/06/2019 12:07

I have a friend who's lovely but asks every few weeks if I'm still feeding him and when I think I'll stop.

None of her business, and frankly it’s weird that she keeps asking. Breezily deflect the question and change the subject.

GMtoBe · 16/06/2019 12:08

Keep going, you are doing a fantastic job! My DD is 20 months and I'm planning on letting her self wean. She also feeds through the night. So many people I know don't understand it but it's none of their business. Keep doing what is right for you and your child.

MigGril · 16/06/2019 12:14

Keep feeding him for as long as you are both happy to do so. I fed both mine for 3 and 5 years DS who I fed for 5 years also had some health problems and food issues and I found at lest more relaxed that he was getting breast milk. That was always the biggest thing I missed when I stopped with both mine, how to get them to eat when ill. Brestmilk has been know to change in cositancy for ill toddlers. It's amazing stuff.

PlinkPlink · 16/06/2019 12:16

NOPE!!

Do it when YOU are ready!!
Everyone else can FOTTFSOF

I still bf my DS and he's 2. I will continue to do so until he has weaned himself off. NOT when anyone else thinks I should.

Keep it going OP (if that's what you want), you're doing wonderfully.

Booboostwo · 16/06/2019 12:19

There is a group on FB called Mealtime Hostage, it is well worth joining, there is a lot of good advice there.

It is always worth checking for a physical cause which can range from posterior tongue tie, to palate problems, to swallowing issues, to GERD. If everything is ruled out Direction of Responsibility helps deal with psychological issues around food and sensory play can help children with these sensitivities.

Ijumpedtheshark · 16/06/2019 12:22

Keep going for as long as you like and ignore others if possible. My DS is still feeding at 3.5, I think he’ll stop soon but it’ll be his choice when.

yourestandingonmyneck · 16/06/2019 15:39

You don't need a reason to keep breastfeeding. Do it for as long as you and your baby want to. Nobody else's business.

I'm sorry for the health issues your little one has had; sounds like he has had a rough time of it. And you're right, bf can be a huge help in times like those xx

Firstworddinosaur · 16/06/2019 15:54

You're doing a great job, keep going for as long as you want to!

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 16/06/2019 16:42

Fine to keep feeding him, but I wouldn't let it be a prop for avoiding tackling the eating problems. Atm it sounds like your are getting some ok foods into him (nnothing wrong with a fish finger and nearly all toddlers are fussy little gits) but you don't want more foods rejected and it sounds like you would be happier if he would accept a few more options.

Maybe a few bf rules might help? Eg fewer feeds or bigger gaps and no feeds til after he's had some actual food etc. I think most people bfing toddlers end up having some simple rules/boundaries.

llewellyn25 · 16/06/2019 16:46

The WHO recommends that you breastfeeding until at least two year. I think you should feed as long as it's working for you. It makes me so angry that people think they can comment negatively about something that's so natural.

Bluntness100 · 16/06/2019 16:55

The who guidelines are worldwide and the recommendation is due to developing countries and the risk of disease. They are quite clear on this.

Op, feed for as long as both you and your child are comfortable. But don't tell folks it's because of the who guidelines as you don't have a risk of disease with forumula here and you haven't stated you need to ensure your periods stay stopped.

SignedUpJust4This · 16/06/2019 17:30

Absolutely keep feeding if you want. 4+ is the norm in many countries. Its only here that people are so fucking weird about breasts. Ignore your DM.

Cornettoninja · 16/06/2019 19:03

as you don't have a risk of disease with forumula here

It depends what illnesses your focussing on surely? BF’ing helps protect/fight off bog standard bugs too - note the ‘help’, I’m not professing it’s a miracle but there are benefits, but a bit of extra help against colds etc doesn’t hurt particularly in a child whose vulnerable.

CarrieBlu · 16/06/2019 19:07

I still breastfeed my three year old, and will stop when we’re ready, not when anyone else says we should.

You keep doing what’s right for you and your DC OP.

Purplejay · 16/06/2019 19:12

Feed for as long as you like. There are loads of benefits. My DS stopped around 3.5 years
Smile

ethelfleda · 16/06/2019 19:14

First of all - bloody well done for breastfeeding for this long! Secondly, do not stop if neither you nor your toddler wants to! It is nobody else’s business.
I’m sorry to hear he hasn’t been so poorly. My toddler is around the same age - goes off food and back on it again all the time! You think something is his favourite and you go and buy a load of it and then he doesn’t like it anymore!
Still breastfeeding my DS too Smile

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