To keep breast feeding

[Onescaredmuma]

My DS is 19 months I'm being told mainly by my mum I need to stop feeding him now he's too old .

The problem is I'm terrified to stop my DS has been repeatedly in hospital for respiratory issues (mainly chest infections) he was so poorly he spent his first birthday in a hospital away from home in the PICU coming off a ventilator. He's been into hospital for 3-4 nights another 3 times since then, one time we were back in the room they put him on the ventilator to transfer him to the other hospital and his right lung had completely stopped working.

When he gets poorly he usually first looses his appetite and will only accept the breast. I'm genuinely scared that without the calories he was getting from the milk we may have lost him as the problem was he was getting to tired and no longer had the energy to breathe for himself.

The other problem I'm having with him is every time he gets sick he gives up more foods. He used to eat everything before he turned 1. After the first illness he wouldn't eat any vegetables
next one he won't eat bread or apples and Bananas.
Next one he gave up milk other than breast and yoghurt.
He's just gotten over chicken pox and now won't eat cereal or cheese. Which is crazy as cheese is his favourite and was his second word!
I'm at a total loss he really won't touch anything in being told I need to stop feeding him but I'm worried he'll be going back to exclusively breast feeding at this rate.
I don't know if it makes a difference but he's in 2 daily medicines to help keep his airways open and an inhaler twice a day with a second inhaler for during the day if he needs it (he hasn't in needed it regularly since the weather warmed up)
Not sure how much sense this makes I've been up feeding alot in the night and my 2 dds have chicken pox so it's been a rough few weeks.

Sorry its so long my AIBU is in the tittle really is it on for me to just keep feeding him just until I know he's string enough to handle the the winter.

You keep feeding as long as you feel comfortable. My daughter turned 2 a couple of months ago and is still breastfed. I personally found as she got closer to 2 she naturally dropped some of her feeds anyway unless unwell.

Sorry that link didn't work
Google kellymom "breast feeding past infancy fact sheet" it tells you all the benefits your baby is stil getting from your milk

My daughter is 15 months and has a new favourite food every week. It’s bloody hard to keep up! She used to hate bananas, now loves them. She used to love broccoli, now hates it. From my limited experience it is totally normal for them to be fickle as all hell.

And bf for as long as you bloody want.

Oh my word you so don't have to justify it! So many mums have continued with breastfeeding - it’s way more ordinary than you think! I still do it, friends still do it, all ordinary people with DC’s up to 3...

I am still feeding at 4 and a half years old! I imagined my daughter to stop at 2 on her own but when she is tired or upset (or just thirsty and i cant be bothered to go to the kitchen) she has boobies. It would be cruel to get her to stop now i have another baby to feed aswell so I just let her carry on. although we did stop for a few months when I was pregnent because my nipples got really sensitive and sore. I suppose that was just my body trying to keep the colostrum safe for baby though.

Thank you all again for the support my mum is a nurse so I take her advice seriously I guess. (she actually works in a prison though so I'm not sure why I'm listening to her about babies though )

@SleepingStandingUp

**However ido think you need some support. Have SALT / SLT or OT got any involvement with you? They can offer you support on how to get him back eating food etc. Or a dietician?

I've never heard of these we had a quick meeting with a dietician about putting him. On a high fat diet due to when he was on the ventilator he dropped from the 9th centile to the 0.4th last time he was weighed (before chicken pox) he was just under the 25th which is where he was at birth. I've mentioned the fussyness to his consultant but because he's recovered his weight he's not concerned.
We're waiting on an appointment with a specialist at another hospital to see if there is an underlying issue causing the problems he's been tested for cystic fibrosis already and thankfully that was negative.

SALT is speech and language therapy. Ut weirdly that includes feeding issues too. Odd but true. We saw them when DS would oral feed but even when he had OP's around 1 and regressed, they offered lots of support around sensory play with foods, checking it wasn't anything physical ie his swallow.

They might say nah he eats OK he just doesn't eat enough but it might be worth a chat with the GP for a referral.

You're doing a great job and as long as he isn't so full from milk he doesn't want solids, what else can you do? In hospital and tube fed is not a better alternative x

Another one here saying well done and keep going for as long as you are both happy. My ds is 4 and still has a bedtime feed. His sister was 3.5. Up until 2.5/3 ds still had a feed in the night. He are well but if ill and not eating then only the breast would do.
I once asked the director of immunology I worked with how how my dc would get antibodies from my milk and he said as long as I was feeding them so in your situation that's a good reason to keep going especially as you both want to. Don't let anyone else tell you what to do with your body. It's usually born of jealousy or some weird sexualised notion of the breast.

@SleepingStandingUp
Thanks I'll ask about this at his next appointment. Hopefully they'll be able to point us in the right direction.

I fed DD til she was 3, DS is 2.5 and still going strong.

You're not a child you don't need to do what your mum tells you!

Feed for as long as you want to. My MIL told me quite sharply at 7 months that I was wasting my time ebf, as “they don’t need milk after 6 months”. She soon shut up when I told her that she probably needed tell the experts at WHO who recommend 2 years of breastfeeding. She was just envious I think, as she fully formula fed DH and I think was annoyed she couldn’t give her DGC a bottle.

Good luck with your breastfeeding. It really is an amazing bond and sacrifice a mother makes for her baby.

You are doing a wonderful job. Just keep feeding him for as long as you need to. I’m still feeding DS at 21 months with no sign of stopping yet. Tbh I don’t know how i’d handle nights without it! As others say, I hope you’re getting decent support and guidance from HCPs to ease your mind but you are doing so well.

Also I second the recommendation of Breastfeeding Older Babies and Beyond on Facebook, it’s a really supportive group

I fed both of mine for years. Some people expressed opinions about it, but they were just that -opinions. My opinion, which was just as valid (in fact, more so, as i was their mother) was that i would continue for as long as we were both happy. I have never regretted my decision.

Absolutely doing the best thing for you both.
Nutritionally made for your DS and gives him comfort. Win win.

I have 3 DC and did natural term BF with all. Tandem feeding along the way. Dd1 finished at 9; DS1 finished at 3; DD2 finished at 6.

It might not be for everyone but it was right for us. We just don't tend to talk about it too much as people tell us they are too old, don't need it, I'm only doing it for my own benefit (as if), and in many cases it is because they didn't manage to BF as long as they would have liked so have their own hang ups to deal with.

Do you what you want and what is best for your DC. No baby starves itself by choice. Just think how many calories there are in milk v broccoli.

Well done and keep up the good work!

You are basically a hero. That's a lot of worry you have on your shoulders. You do need to think of yourself too and that's what I imagine your DM and DH are thinking of. What is best for you? I wonder if the not having to feed through the night would be offset by the worry if he's had a bad day on food. So do what you think is right for you and your DS.

Fed both of mine until 2+ despite the protests of almost everyone. Don't buy into pressure as you'll only resent it. Feed him for asong as you are both happy to.

Sounds like you're doing an absolutely amazing job! Trust your instincts and your baby to know what's best. Ask your mum if she's got any scientific studies that show how old is "too old" for breastfeeding, and say you'll continue feeding till she finds one

Also, stopping breastfeeding does not necessarily mean that your child will automatically start sleeping through the night. It just means that, if they do wake, you no longer have a quick fix to get them back off to sleep.

Just to say you're doing a great job and should continue to feed until you're both ready to stop. 19 months is nothing, especially under the circumstances.

Two other things spring to mind from your post:

1. It is very normal for children to become fussier about food after illness. We had this with our DC after a bad stomach bug, which obviously doesn't compare to your DS's illnesses, but it set weaning back by months and he became very fussy; I don't think it was a coincidence.

My DB had terrible asthma as a toddler and ended up on a diet of pretty much cheese sandwiches and apples for ages - he refused pretty much anything else and my DM was desperate to keep him eating. So I would say as long as he's eating, don't worry too much about what - plenty of time for variety later on.

2. There is a difference between stopping breastfeeding and night weaning. If you feel night weaning would be a positive for your family, your DH will need to support you at the right time to make that happen and take over at night in the short term to break the cycle.

This doesn't have to be the end of breastfeeding - we night weaned around that age, maybe a little later, and I fed to almost 3. But your DH will have to be involved - it's difficult to break the cycle when your DC can smell the milk.

Keep going for as long as you want to. I had the same from DH, my parents and multiple other people, from about 18 months. I knew DS wasn't ready to wean, and I was t ready for him to, so I didn't force it. He eventually self weaned (told me that he was a big boy and didn't want it) at three and a half.

Keep going, you are doing an amazing job x

No one has the right to tell you when to stop bf. I got this a lot when DD turned 2. It really annoys me that people think they can express their opinion on something that has nothing to do with them. If I was in your position I would continue to bf aswell.
It should be your or your DC choice when to stop no one else.

Don't stop just because someone tells you too. Stop because either you or your child are ready to stop which it doesn't sound like you are. You are doing the best thing for you both by continuing to bf. Well done!

I would not stop BFing either (I BF my daughter for much longer), but I would stop the night feeds as soon as your family is over the chickenpox and you have sufficient energy to make the change. It must be tiring you out to be feeding throughout the night like this, and I'd be concerned that continually tanking up at night is dulling your son't appetite for food.

I wouldn't stop either if I were you.

THAT SAID.

Keep stuffing his face with whatever food he does like. Breast milk isn't enough nutrition for him at this age. It should be a supplement only. Their main diet should be food.

I wouldn't give a shiny shit about whether is 99% sausages and chips - I'm pretty sure at that age DS was refusing all but pesto pasta. You just have to shrug your shoulders and keep making it cos filling their bellies is far more important than forcing them to like broccoli. We ate a lot of pizza and fish fingers and potato waffles around that age too. Fuck it! It changes as they get older.

So keep firing up the Actifry!

You crack on. The benefit for your ds in terms of nutrition and his immune system are bonuses at his age and that’s before we even get on to meeting his emotional needs. Although you don’t have to bf there are scientifically backed up reasons why not only is it not a problem there are clear benefits.

Dd is still bf at 3.5. Only bedtime or on waking (or if there’s been a massive upset causing physical pain) and it’s fine. She’ll be ready soon enough. Nightfeeding and sleeping through coincided with her last teeth coming through and I maintain that she just found teething very hard (she was a clingy baby and I think that she’s just not got a very good tolerance for gum pain - who does?!? My wisdom teeth came through very late after I had a tooth removed and it bloody hurts!). Her total feeds fell of a cliff at that point too and she was much more accepting of me saying no to feeding at times.

The food fussiness is a really common toddler/preschooler problem, I sympathise with your anxiety; it’s hard enough with a well child to wrestle with your instinct to feed them up never mind a child who is prone to illness. Just keep putting foods in front of him and being positive.

There’s a really nice toddler cookbook if you search tickle fingers cookbook. Loads of suggestions on how to involve even tiny children with cooking. Even if he doesn’t eat the final product it gets him familiar with the ingredients and concept.