Worst thing about being single is?....

[Pjsandbaileys]

It's not having someone to do things with it's have someone to do nothing with.....mudane chit chat with, dinner plans, tv watching etc 🙃

How come? You must have been in a terrible relationship if it was making you mentally and physically unhealthy. That's not the norm, is it?

I always think that’s a fairly dangerous attitude.

I had a lovely, very positive marriage. We’re still really good friends.

I still prefer being single. There is nothing about a relationship that interests me.

"I had a lovely, very positive marriage. We’re still really good friends."

Well then explain how you're mentally and physically healthier now. I'm completely puzzled.

One person mentioned being able to come and go as they please and eat what they want when they want. I can't imagine I'd ever agree to not eat what I want.

I agree! Some posters seem to confuse having children and being in a relationship. Having kids does kill your freedom, as it should! You chose to have them, the least you can do is look after them. It doesn't stop your life, but it sure give you a different one.
I can't understand why being married would stop you from having your own life. That's being in an abusive relationship, not a normal and healthy one.

Well then explain how you're mentally and physically healthier now. I'm completely puzzled

Well you would be, that wasn’t my quote.

I was responding to the notion that people who are happier single have been “damaged” in some way by previous relationships.

Realising that you've run out of milk after the kids are asleep.

How come? You must have been in a terrible relationship if it was making you mentally and physically unhealthy. That's not the norm, is it?

No, not at all. But it’s how it was for me.

I’ve seen me living with a partner & I've seen me with a home all to myself. No comparison. I have a busy social life, amazing friends, family I visit often & a career I love. I’m living my life the way I want it.

No one to stroke my back and it doesn't feel the same when I stroke my own and that sounds pathetic doesn't it and by way back isn't a euphemism

Empress - I can understand the being happier, but can you explain the mental and physical health thing please (assuming it was you who posted it originally).

Not having anyone to share the driving on long trips.

I haven't been in any abusive or even just bad relationships. They've mostly been pretty nice. But when I look back from my fifties on previous decades, the big achievements, big adventures, things that I look back on as "a life well lived" have almost all been while I was single.

Because for me personally it's very hard to step outside of the female socialisation of "putting the relationship first" and the men I've had relationships with, though nice blokes, haven't stepped outside the male socialisation of putting themselves first. Net result - their behaviour ends up being a bit selfish and I'm way too accommodating of that.

Not abuse, simply sex stereotypes in action. Maybe I should have been a bit tougher, but if you're having to consciously think about "being a bit tougher" in a relationship, then it isn't working.

I'd have loved a true relationship of equals, and had one ever been on offer, I think I would have ended up happily married. But I never stumbled across one, and find I'm happier on my own than in a second rate relationship. (Not abusive, just second rate. Why settle for second rate when you only get one shot at life?)

can you explain the mental and physical health thing please (assuming it was you who posted it originally).

OK. Yes.

I moved out five years ago. It’s five years since I self-harmed. Five years since I thought about killing myself. Five years since I was crying nearly every day. Five years since I started eating properly. Three years since I came off the ADs (and the final year was mainly about weaning me off my very high dose). Four years since I found the energy to take up running. I’m not sure when my stress-related acid reflux improved but it certainly has.

I’ve been single just over 5 years. I’ve had some challenges in that time, through family, work and health. I’d have loved the emotional support of being in a couple with someone. Just someone ‘there’ sometimes.

I notice it’s definitely more expensive to live alone, than when I lived with my ex, including holidays. I do also miss the going to weddings, events, etc. with someone; it’s hard walking into somewhere alone when you hardly know anyone.

The worst part is never getting a good proper hug.

People assuming there must be a downside to being single, that’s what.

" It’s five years since I self-harmed. Five years since I thought about killing myself. Five years since I was crying nearly every day. Five years since I started eating properly. Three years since I came off the ADs (and the final year was mainly about weaning me off my very high dose). Four years since I found the energy to take up running. I’m not sure when my stress-related acid reflux improved but it certainly has."

I'm sorry you've suffered all that.
However, you said your relationship wasn't terrible, so I'm still totally confused.

But then I’m not one of those single mums whose ex has the kids half the time and pays maintenance so maybe that effects things.

I'm not one of those mums either. I've been single 5 years with 3 kids and I've never been happier. I love my life with my kids and never feel lonely, although I did a bit in the early days when they were very small. I'd not consider another relationship, probably ever.

Oh I did get right peed off when a man I see regularly (he works near my house) assumed I wasn't working as I'm single with kids.

Nothing.

I've been married twice, Co-habited twice so I have definitely tried the relationship thing out.

I will be single forever.

Well maybe you have other help then BanginChoons I have no family and ex is absent, two of my child have sen and yes I definitely find it lonely and miss having the help.

Well maybe you have other help thenBanginChoons
No I really don't. I moved here from refuge and knew nobody, away from my friends and no family nearby. But then when I was with him I didn't have help either so maybe that's the difference.

Do you have much of a support network around you? I hope things look up for you.

I'm sorry you've suffered all that.
However, you said your relationship wasn't terrible, so I'm still totally confused.

Gwenhyfar, you’re getting confused between my posts and JacquesHammer’s because she quoted me.

Jacques’ relationship wasn’t terrible and she’s still on good terms with her ex.

Mine was and I’ve now given you plenty of detail so could we leave it there?

Yadnbu

Someone to do nothing with is exactly it.

For me it's the way society is so couple-centric. Somebody upthread said if they're invited somewhere and if they've no mutual friends going, they don't go. And that'd be one of the worst things for me. I'm happy on my own. I'm actually dating somebody atm but I still see myself (my identity, my future) as single.

Doing a king sized duvet cover on your own.

EmpressLesbianInChair

I’m really sorry if I’ve caused issues! I only quoted one of Gwenhyfar‘s posts, not even one of yours. I have no idea why it’s caused so much confusion!