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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Worst thing about being single is?....

105 replies

Pjsandbaileys · 15/06/2019 21:43

It's not having someone to do things with it's have someone to do nothing with.....mudane chit chat with, dinner plans, tv watching etc 🙃

OP posts:
tympanic · 16/06/2019 06:31

@Mumsymumphy I can imagine. Smugness often seems to hide unhappiness in the smugger’s life though. I can imagine I’d say “Sooo much better, thanks!” Might give them food for thought.

Pjsandbaileys · 16/06/2019 07:07

I'm glad it's not just me!!! Happier being single than in my last relationship for sure. Kids weekend with dad I'd just got in from work had a bit of a sad moment of feeling lonely and forever is a long time. Don't want to be in a relationship again for many reasons but last night I wobbled lol

OP posts:
lrh3891 · 16/06/2019 07:36

@BanginChoons I have considered it but no, I don't think so. I already feel lonely and isolated, i think having a newborn, alone, and another child would be a bit much. And unfair to my existing child.

K00K · 16/06/2019 07:41

100% agree with the others; having to survive on one income the only negative I can think of

redcarbluecar · 16/06/2019 07:47

When invited to a gathering that will be mostly strangers (e.g. wedding, birthday party), it would be nice to have someone to go with.

Someone to pay half the bills would be rather nice too. Appreciate this may not be the most sound basis for a relationship.

Other than that, not a lot!

OddHoleySocks · 16/06/2019 07:47

Not being able to split costs like rent.

But in the plus side, I can spend any money leftover on whatever i want.

So single still wins...

StillCoughingandLaughing · 16/06/2019 09:58

Being ill. The rest of the time I’m happy, but when I’m ill, all I want is to lie there and wait for someone to bring me soup. Having to drag myself out of bed, or even out of the house to fetch supplies, is so depressing. In fact, there could be a market in a single person ‘sick day’ box you can have delivered - soup, chocolates, huge boxes of soft tissues etc.

EnglishBreakfasts · 16/06/2019 10:12

spiders
travelling and holidays
cold beds
no sex
loneliness

PineappleSeahorse · 16/06/2019 10:17

For me, nothing really.

I hate the way that single is used as a negative term when not everyone wants to be in a relationship. I have no desire for one whatsoever.

Of course many people don't want to be single and I can completely understand that and I hope that they find the happiness they deserve with a partner, but I cannot bear the way that single is used as though it's some kind of undesirable limbo state from which we all want to progress.

darkriver19886 · 16/06/2019 10:18

Nothing really...

Apart from sex. I feeling a little starved at the moment. Blush

Kitkatbar2018 · 16/06/2019 10:20

I love being single - I do have a FWB though so all needs fulfilled and a bunch of great girlfriends. I guess the worst thing is feeling like maybe I need to at least try to put myself out there. I find tesco online shopping more riveting then online dating. And I hear you @Broombroomshaketheroom - those men can just get lost especially ones that think I should be grateful! Actually while I am at it might as well finish my rant of dating men who are in their forties and who still joke about piss, shit and farts like on the first date. 🤮🤮
Happy Sunday all

hazell42 · 16/06/2019 10:22

I love being single. 10 years, and no plans to go back to always having to consider someone else's needs and wants before thinking about my own.

Totally selfish, maybe, but I have earned the right.

Gwenhwyfar · 16/06/2019 11:08

I think we need a separate thread for people who are single and alone and another for single mothers. They're quite different things.

Bad things about being single
yes to the loneliness, what my friend calls 'background company' i.e. you can be in the same room, but don't have to talk. I told her she was welcome to come to mine on a Sunday morning to read the papers in each other's presence, but not talk, but she said it's not the same. I agree really.

Also having to face all of life's problems on your own. When there's two of you, there's someone to bounce problems off. When I'm alone I just ruminate until the problems become huge and insurmountable. Often just quite simple things like 'how can I buy a new piece of furniture if I don't have space' and I need a friend to say I can get rid of something else. I suppose I need input from someone from a different point of view.

So for both those things, meeting up with friends helps, but with some people it's hard to 'get an appointment'.

Luckily I have a lot of single friends so I don't get the problem of being the only single person around very often.

Expense - living alone, going on holiday alone is obviously more expensive than pooling two incomes and sharing things.

babbi · 16/06/2019 11:11

Interestingly I have much more disposable income now as a single mum ?!?
And can spend it on what I like ....

Cannot ever imagine myself living with a partner again ..
Perhaps casual relationships from time to time .. maybe ..
but I’m loving my freedom to see friends and have lots of laughs ....

Gwenhwyfar · 16/06/2019 11:13

"Being the odd one out at EVERY GATHERING sadsad"

Join some kind of social group for singles.

EnglishBreakfasts · 16/06/2019 11:14

but I’m loving my freedom to see friends and have lots of laughs ....
Shock

if you think having a relationship means you lose any of that, you really shouldn't go back in one. It's the opposite of having a relationship!

Gwenhwyfar · 16/06/2019 11:16

"The cash to spend on yourself? "

Oh like paying for a hotel room rather than just half a hotel room? Even a single room is much more expensive than sharing. Even if you don't live together, things are more expensive when you're single.

JacquesHammer · 16/06/2019 11:19

Single parent here.

The only negative for me is people assuming you’re not single by choice and doing the whole “you’ve just not met the right person”.

Terribly patronising.

Gwenhwyfar · 16/06/2019 11:19

"When invited to a gathering that will be mostly strangers (e.g. wedding, birthday party), it would be nice to have someone to go with."

Oh yes. If there aren't going to be any mutual friends there, I just don't go.

BigRedLondonBus · 16/06/2019 11:21

I always find it weird how great people say being single on here is. I’m a single mum and hate it. I don’t know anyone irl who is happy single. But then I’m not one of those single mums whose ex has the kids half the time and pays maintenance so maybe that effects things.

JacquesHammer · 16/06/2019 11:23

I always find it weird how great people say being single on here is. I’m a single mum and hate it

Why do you find it weird? Surely it’s just a case of different things suiting different people?

I don’t find it weird that you hate being single because you’re not me!

EmpressLesbianInChair · 16/06/2019 11:24

I’m a single mum and hate it. I don’t know anyone irl who is happy single

I’m single and don’t have kids (my choice). I’m happier & healthier this way, mentally & physically.

Gwenhwyfar · 16/06/2019 11:25

BigRed - I don't know anyone in real life who's happy being single either. However, many of us are long term single so obviously not that desperate to be in a relationship.

As I said earlier, I would like separate threads for single people as opposed to single parents with children at home as I suppose the loneliness aspect is quite different.

Also, it seems that some people are comparing with living with a partner and not just having a boyfriend and some even seem to have been in relationships that were a bit controlling. One person mentioned being able to come and go as they please and eat what they want when they want. I can't imagine I'd ever agree to not eat what I want.

Gwenhwyfar · 16/06/2019 11:27

"I’m happier & healthier this way, mentally & physically."

How come? You must have been in a terrible relationship if it was making you mentally and physically unhealthy. That's not the norm, is it?

BigRedLondonBus · 16/06/2019 11:29

It’s just not my experience irl but then I find a lot of things on MN aren’t. As a single mother I still feel a lot of judgement and stigma I guess that’s the worst thing for me but as Gwenhwyfar said being a single mother and just being single are two different things.