So a few years ago my best friend had major depression. She had a lot of crap going on in her life but I think tbh it more triggered the depression rather than caused it (which when we discussed it at the time she would agree with). Her family are European so she is here alone and so I spent a significant amount of time nursing her and at one point I moved into her flat (left my dh at home) as she was suicidal and the doctors said she should not be alone. I don't mind any of this as she is a good friend and that's what friends are for.
This last year she has finally started to pull herself together and tbh I am so relieved. I was worried as she had just kept making continuous ' bad choices ' (dabbling with drugs, drinking far too much to the point it was affecting work etc.). She still does a few things that are dangerous but I have kept my mouth shut as I didn't want to be seen as judgemental (even if inwardly I will admit I am horrified at some of her decisions) and to an extent I felt she needed to get it out of her system so to speak!
I did distance myself then as when she was in her worst stage she was very dependant on me and as she started to get better I felt the need to take a step back for my own sanity. I'm not sure if this was the right thing, in terms of my mental health it definitely was as I didn't want to get involved in the things she was (things that would mean instant dismissal from my job) but I also think she had begun to rely on me too much.
She then got involved with a married man and when she asked my opinion I said I thought it was a terrible idea (two children involved) and asked her how she would feel if someone did that to her. Or if she found out my husband was having an affair. She said it wasn't her responsibility as she hadn't made the vows etc so I just stopped discussing it with her and if she brought it up I changed the subject.
About 3 months into this relationship she came to me and told me she was accidentally pregnant. I was gobsmacked. I asked her if she was happy and what she planned to do in terms of whether she wanted to keep it etc and when she said she did I essentially said if she was happy then I was too. I am almost 100% this was not an accident from what she has said but I have not voiced that as frankly what does it matter now. Friend said she was so relieved she has my support as she knows she will need help.
About two days later her mum also emailed me. Her mum has written about how happy she is that friend has me as she knows she will not be able to cope without it. That she is pleased I am there as her ' guardian angel ' and more along those lines. The email also basically implies that friend will need financial help (I did help her out briefly in the past but she paid that money back).
Friends mum seems to be thinking I can drop everything again as I did years ago and help. However my life has changed completely. I'm expecting my own child in a couple of months, and frankly I wouldn't feel fair to put my dh through all that again as he was in my eyes a saint last time.
Aibu to think I didn't sign up for this? I love my friend dearly but I can't be thinking about her baby when I need to focus on my own family.
Friend has also been making comments about hand me downs when she was looking around our nursery today. As awful as it sounds I felt like she was picking stuff out that she could have for her baby when I haven't even had the chance to use them myself yet and I also plan on putting them away for hopefully another baby later down the line.
Aibu? I know I've been a judgemental cow it's just so frustrating to watch your friend throw themselves at bad decisions. I can honestly say I have never said any of this to her (unless she has asked, for example when she told me about the drugs I said about her job and she said she knew it wasn't good). I will smile and be happy for her and this baby but I am worried she is expecting more from me than I can give.