I think there’s a lot of different issues being rolled into one here and several smaller problems making for a huge cavernous gap in communication.
If you are awaiting test results around breast cancer, that’s a worrying time and your mind probably isn’t in a good place because of the potential implications. No solution to this; you just have to wait.
He is 59. Many men have retired at that age. Particularly those at the golf club. He is doing what many retired men do. He has found a hobby that gives increased fitness, social contact and a sense of well-being. Better that than sitting around moping. Maybe he might consider a job that was shorter hours - a couple of days a week or a few mornings doing something completely different to previously. A pension forecast might be useful to help understand what pension he gets at what age. That would help with planning ahead. Assumedly he wasn’t looking to work forever and something as life changing as a heart attack will impact on his mindset and his desire to enjoy life for fear it might be limited.
If he is likely to get a lump sum, maybe that could be set aside, in part, for a new kitchen? It would set you up for retirement with the house in good order. Otherwise could you do a cheaper option of changing the doors, tiles and sink?
Then communication. You need to have talk time. Not nag time, not cross time but a nice talk time. We call it diary time and do it, generally monthly with a catch up fortnightly to check for changes. Each month we go for a drink with our diaries and the dog calendar. We sit and go through the month ahead looking at when either of us is working away, dog care arrangements, family commitments,social engagements, bigger tasks that need doing etc.
If we want to do something specific, we plan it in. We don’t assume the other understands our wishes. I’m planning a weekend away for his birthday so we talk about his work on Friday and whether to go Friday evening or Saturday morning; whether to take the children to hotel; lunch or supper or afternoon tea with his extended family etc. I want to swim at a particularly lovely river spot, so mentioned that and agreed to do it on way rather than dropping it on him at short notice. That planning and sharing becomes a really nice evening in its own right.
Driving is also key to your feelings. Book a few lessons and regain your confidence. Do it because if you get an unhappy BRCA result then you’ll need to be able to get to appointments and a car is a good place for a few tears in private. Do it because you can’t tell the future and you don’t want to leave it too late to be independent. Do it to feel good.