To wonder why people have children when they clearly put their career first, by having a 24hr maternity nurse from day one and a full-time nanny from 3 months?

[gogetter]

Call me old fashioned but why bother when you are going to see your child for maybe an hour a day on weekdays?
It's not financially needed for mum to return to work (far from) so why leave your teeny weeny baby with a nanny during the most amazing time of their lifes?

A bit strange I fear!

I had a highflying job earned a very high salary and worked all the hours there were in the day, basically following the feminist study hard/work hard dictum. Have now given up this job to be a SAHM and have NEVER been happier in my life.

How dare Xenia make such sweeping statements? Everyone is different - working full time works for her great but that does not hold for everyone. I would not criticise women that work. Having said that mothers (and fathers) that work at my old office do not see their DC in the working week - period. Weekends only and even then there is work to do at the weekends. I could not cope with that and neither can my DH, dont think that is healty for mothers or fathers.

I really don't think housewifes are dying out...I mean, o.k. maybe the "hardcore" housewifes (the ones that will be housewifes for ever and never do paid employment, etc...), but I think a lot of women still choose to be a SAHM and therefore Housewife (btw...if I would win a large amount of money or somehting, I probably would employ a cleaner, a gardener, etc...but I don't think I would ever employ a nanny or somehting like that...well, I probably wouldn't work, so, would not see a need for it...as the housewife part of the deal sucks, lol)

In the contect of the post that started this thread, I don't really think Xenia's comments are all that extreme.

Romy Schneider... are you a Sissi fan? (I love those movies...sigh...went to the great lenght of buying it on DVD, lol)

fair comment eleusus, or would be, if we would not be aware of the fact that Xenia will share her views in such way to any sort of debates about sahm etc...no matter how the op is worded.

Ele do you not think think comments such as refering to sahms as "kept by men like some kind of concubine who gives sex for money" and "It's the stay at home mothers who are ... deserving of criticism" are a tad extreme?

Yes, COV,I do agree that if you look only at what Xenia said she is a bit off the mark. However, when I consider the OP of this thread, I don't see it is any worse. Not much better either.

Also, I do accept that Xenia sometimes promotes he cause where it is inappropriate.

But on THIS thread I know I have had to do a fair amount of tngue biting towards the OP.

Why on Earth would anyone feel compelled to ask another parent why they chose to have kids? When is that appropriate?

Ele if you look at my first post on this thread I did say that I didn't think it was any of the OPs business what the lady in question chose to do. It however niggles me that Xenia can't extol the virtues of WOHMdom without needing to resort to derogatory comments about SAHMs.

Believe me it takes more than money from dh to get sex .

So, we are agreed then. They are both rude.

As for your DH and sex.... umm... bit too much information there.

I'll just come in from a different perspective.

Thank god some mums work and work hard and are paying into the high tax brackets. That goes a long way to paying towards the cost of providing medical care to the ones to stay at home and don't pay much in tax. More taxpayers equals better services.

If everyone (or even most people or even just all mums) stayed at home and cost the system money without putting in we would all be doomed.

Anniemac, I have been a WOHM (full and part time for over a decade) and am temporarily (for an undefined length of time) a SAHM, so can view from all sides. I would admire Xenia's position a lot more if she didn't keep harping on in such a negative way about how SAHM's are letting there daughters down, need compulsory re-education etc etc, like some pitiful, intelectually inferior second class species.

gogetter - omg.....i am spluttering as we speak, will have to compose before i post

OH yes, I should be ashamed having 3 Kids and raising my children myself, afterall, they will only be taxpayers in the future...apparnelty there is no value in that then, whatsoever....because right now I am draining the system, apparently....even though my dh on his on is lucky enough to bring home more money then many families where 2 work together....
sorry, am not willing to feel bad about it.
And as to feminist debate...truely what si feminist debate about telling women that they should work no matter what....surely it should be about freedom of choice....

Anoah, my dh would never be able to work the hours he does and therefore be in the high tax bracket if I didn't take on the majority of the home care, so I don't think it is as black and white as that.

Xenia, I understand you love to work, but do you HONESTLY believe "damage can be done to families by having a housewife at the helm"?? In what way exactly?

Sorry, can't be arsed to read the whole thread but I know you'd all love to hear what I think, so:

1. Jollymum - can't agree more with your first post.
2. Some people who claim financial necessity forces them out to work are bonkers and waste their money on flashy cars and flashy holidays. Necessity? Non.
3. Xenia - you are either insane or a stirrer.
4. Dobbydoesdallas you have the best name I have ever come across on MN.

but comeoveneer, you could just organise childcare for when you work...I mean, surely....;)

My dh is in the Army and therefore has been know to be away a lot, and therefore I personally found that at least one parent had to be available to them no matter what...to give them at least that stability...

loving your job does not mean that you cannot also love your children.

simply because it is not how you or i would express our love for our children does not mean it is not there.

i beleive that there is a difference in the quality of the time spent with a child if the quantity of time is limited. of course this is not true in all cases.

having said that, i do feel sorry for a child that has to bond with an employee rather than a family member.