To wonder why people have children when they clearly put their career first, by having a 24hr maternity nurse from day one and a full-time nanny from 3 months?

[gogetter]

Call me old fashioned but why bother when you are going to see your child for maybe an hour a day on weekdays?
It's not financially needed for mum to return to work (far from) so why leave your teeny weeny baby with a nanny during the most amazing time of their lifes?

A bit strange I fear!

"I think that the maximum amount of maternity/paternity leave should be exhausted"

How self righteous is that? You are going to decide what the rest of us "should" do with our parental decisions.

Have you nothing better to do? Perhaps you should spend a bit more time worrying about your own choices.

I have exhausted my opinions. Had and expressed plenty.

So you two are being judgemental for fun? Recreational judgementalism? Perhaps borne out of having nothing better to do?

and if I were to have an opinion it would be based on what I thought of the children rather than the choices of the parents. have met plenty of hideous children of non-working parents and lovely children of working parents (and vice versa). I would judeg people whose children are obviously having problems and they are doing nothing about it, I would judge people for encouraging their children to live an unfulfilled unproductive life. I'd judge people for all sorts of reasons. Having a nanny is not one of them.

Where's mine? That's what I want to know.

I have an opinion and that opinion is that life is complicated for me, and so it is probably complicated (for different reasons) for other people.

My opinion is that children need parents that love them and care for them and clothe them and shelter them and feed them, give them a sense of self-worth and an ability to empathise with others.

My opinion is that there is not only one tried and tested formula to achieving those things for our children.

Those are opinions. You may not like or agree with them, but they are opinions.

Oh God, you aren't judging me on my children's behaviour are you? That my reputation done for because DS throws things at everybody and DD is schitzophrenic.

Sossy sorry...

Stand-away KewCumber!

It's a sign of MNet maturity that you can scan through a WOHM v SAHM debate with little more than a wry smile and a cocked eye-brow, perhaps throwing in a short, witty and tangentially applicable comment. I've never been able to do the short, witty etc. comment, but it is a MotherInferior speciality.

Have you got rid of your SW yet. We had a lovely SW for DD2 - wise, charming and genuinely helpful. But I still did a little jig of relief when I shut the front door on her for the last time.

no sadly, still have the lovely but dippy SW visiting every 6 weeks... stepping away now...

thats my wry smile and cocked eyebrow btw

whats the big deal here?
I couldn't care less if anyone judges me, it's up to them if they want to judge me, I'm not their brain police and it wont stop them judging my choices.
lots of defensive behaviour here me thinks.

Cheers Eleusis!

Good tip about it being a idea to move away from the thread though. Was getting heated. Will fade away gently rather than in High Dudgeon.

OP asked if she was being unreasonable - lots of us think she is and have said so. Why is that defensive?

Excellent wry smile and cocked eyebrow KC. Very James Bond in his Roger Moore 1970s incarnation.

Sorry about the SW. It's a phase.....

well kew, a nanny couldnt possibly a poor parenting choice could it!?

To the OP - not read all the messages on here but can I just say how absolutely stunned I am that you can be bothered to CARE what choices other people make?!

Its never that straightforward. I am back at work 4 days a week. DD is in nursery. I have to work to pay the mortgage. DH's salary does not nearly cover it. Sometimes I love my job, sometimes I hate my job. There are days when I collect DD from nursery and feel so guilty. There are days when I pick her up and her beaming smile and hearing what she's been up to all day just fill me with me joy. Its never going to be easy.

The REAL issue here is that it is incredibly hard for women to work in a flexible way so that they can be mothers and employees in a way that suits them. And its people with views like yours (usually men to be honest) who don't help this situation one bit. Am I ridiculous to expect a little solidarity from other women? Yes, of course I am.

What is an SW? Apart that is, from an undesirable postcode?

Sorry - an SW is a social worker. As adoptive parents, KC and I have extensive experience of social workers. We are also probably the only mothers on this thread whose parenting has been subjected to serious and extended scrutiny by a professional. Funnily enough KC and I are both full or nearly full-time WOHMs.

No you're not Sydney. Here is some solidarity for you - I am at home as stated, but I totally respect that you are making the right choices for your own family and I often worry that my ds is growing up with such an outdated notion of gender roles (something that I don't want him to have). You sound like an amazing mother btw and I reckon your dd will benefit from the little bit of independence that having the time in nursery gives her.

Probaby just as well to avoid these sahm/wahm debates (I find both extremes of opinion distasteful, and I can only assume that the people who hold them are very sure that they have all the answers in life which makes them extremely narrow minded - almost ignorant - imo)

Quattro, you said: "Gogetter - this is a big deal in your mind because it justifies the choices you have made. It might not be a big deal to the children."

So true. We are all entitled to look for justifications for our choices, if it makes us feel better. But does not mean we can assume the lofty mantle of judging others' choices. Let's be humble, and admit we don't have all the answers. Our children will benefit from that as well.

Kew: "and if I were to have an opinion it would be based on what I thought of the children rather than the choices of the parents. have met plenty of hideous children of non-working parents and lovely children of working parents (and vice versa). I would judeg people whose children are obviously having problems and they are doing nothing about it, I would judge people for encouraging their children to live an unfulfilled unproductive life. I'd judge people for all sorts of reasons. Having a nanny is not one of them."

I like that. I always say the proof is in the pudding. In my dc's case, they are a pudding-in-progress.

Thanks Rantmum. I don't usually post on these threads but something about smugness of OP just drew me in..

i worked when DD1 started playschool, well i went to college then uni, then i worked full time before doing my PhD. I motivated myself by saying i was going it for her, it never really worked out that way. Now i guess i need to use the bloody qualifications so that it does work out that way for DD2. But she is only 2 and i love being with her. Im sure she would love nursery, but we think Daddy is going to have some time with her for a bit before we go down the full time nursery road. It worked out this way for us because i was writing up my phd when i had DD2. I think if i were in a job already i would have taken maternity leave and then gone back. What actually worries me is will this be more problematic re settling DD2 in childcare as opposed to if i had started her much younger, she would have adapted quicker maybe?