To wonder why people have children when they clearly put their career first, by having a 24hr maternity nurse from day one and a full-time nanny from 3 months?

[gogetter]

Call me old fashioned but why bother when you are going to see your child for maybe an hour a day on weekdays?
It's not financially needed for mum to return to work (far from) so why leave your teeny weeny baby with a nanny during the most amazing time of their lifes?

A bit strange I fear!

Clearly did not mean to offend as I have done. Not knocking working, just not spending time with your kids. Please do not take personally, these threads are to voice your opinions arent they? Hope this clears the air .....

my ds goes to Cm from 7.45 to 6.15 (not a great deal different) and if he cries at night I ignore him so that doesn't count either. Someone else looked after 24/7 for the first 11 months of his life. Do I win the worst mother award gogetter? Do I not deserve children?

Does he seem pretty well adjusted and well attached to me? Dunno - he seems alright to me but Eleusis has met us both so she could probably judge.

Purely in the interest of being argumentative obviously

It was an extreme thread made by gogetter. Edge play is fun. Only venture here if you like it. There is a case to be made that mothers should work and it is bad for children if they don't. Not enough people make that case. They sit on the fence wimpishly talking about choice and freedome. Let the case be made to force those women into active economic activity.

But, wy does it bother you so much that you felt compelled to start this thread?

I mean I wouldn't start a thread talking about how my friend a SAHP is wasting his/her life by staying home when he/she is a well trained brain surgeon. God, how she has wasted NHS funds, how dare she. It's none of my business. Stay home all you like (so long as you don't want me to fund it). I don't care. Now if you want to sit down and discuss baking and comparing quilts, then you'll lose me. But, I do have SAHM friends and I don't try to persuade them to go back to work because I think it's the right thing to do.

I had the same thought (about the extreme thread bit). Taking an extreme situation which very few people recognise as any reality they know and letting it slide insidiously into working generally and spendnig time with the kids generally.

I still find it amusing that its somehow OK to work if you "have" to but not if you want to. Like your kids can tell the difference. It seems into them by osmosis obviously.

Oh the gerhkin loves you Kewcumber. That is for sure. And he is ever so cute.

Oh, and Xenia does have a point that working has advantages for the kids. I work for my children's benefit as well as my own, and not in spite of my children's welfare.

just googled "edge play". Oh well, you learn something new every day . powers that be in IT will be descending on me any minute.

I can see both sides, i dont see the point in having kids if you hav'nt got time to enjoy them, but on the other hand its ok for tyhe man to go to work 9am-5pm so why not the woman?

I mean I wouldn't start a thread talking about how my friend a SAHP is wasting his/her life by staying home when he/she is a well trained (brain) surgeon. God, how she has wasted NHS funds, how dare she.

Not a pop at me by any chance Ele?

lol legal...now you made me google edge play, too...and now I understand the ....however, I am now at a loss why Xenia mentioned int his connection....[thick sahm emoticon] !
Tbh, I really can't see the whole it is of benefit for teh Kids aswell when both parents work...surely it's not that straightcut?

COV, is there no end to your talents? Are you a brain surgeon too?

No, of course it wasn't a pop at you.

Okay, lets say Dad abuses mum physically. Mums stays home. She can't afford to leave in todays housing market. So she stays because it means the kids can go to the good shchool down the street and if she moves they will go to a bad school. But, if mum worked and had an income of her own, she could afford to leave and live with the kids in a nice neighborhood where they would all be better off. So, bth parents being financially secure can be of benefit to both.

This thread is repetetive and pointless. yawns an almighty yawn at Xenia's comments particularly

If mum works it might mean the difference between stae education and private education.

Mum provides role model for kids by going out to work. This can be a good thing. (it could also be said that staying at home is a good role model, both views I think are valid)

The list goes on and on...

LoveAngel they always are. xenia comes on. people say she is mad, people (for some insane reason) defend her and on it goes.

Why do some people feel the need not only to defend their own position, but to portray it as the morally superior..nay, the only position to adopt? And why is freedom and choice for women 'wimpish'? Bizarre, narrow minded claptrap ...God, its almost painful to read (again)...

Eleusus....hm... your first, slightly far fetched example, would only really work out if the mohter had a very good income to support the lifestyle, saying that, she probably would still not be able to afford it, because obviously their lifestyle and house possibly is calculating in both incomes together...
The State and Private education one...o.k......saying that, I doubt I would have my children privately educated even if we had the money, lol.
Glad you said that the positive role model can be an argument for both sides....I certainly agree.

I'm just saying that people who go out to work often do so because they see it as a good thing for everybody. And not because they don't care about the welfare of their kids or love them any less than ther person down the street who has made different choices.

KEW - sorry. what i meant was that the scenario given was the the child was lucky to see its parents for a n hour or so at the weekend.
in that case i would imagine that the primary bond would be with the nanny...the thread title mentioned a 3month old baby.

of course the vast majority of working women manage an exhausting schedule in order to participate in the most of their childs time as possible.

i think the OP was discussing a particular family who seemed to prioritise work over family. it was that particular sort of family i had in mind

I don't often post on here (although it is beginning to get addictive) but I really can't see how it helps the greater good of womankind if more of us go back to work. We can't all have high powered jobs that are fulfilling and worthwhile and lots of us would end up doing something mundane, low paid, menial, repetitive and boring. It would not be useful to me or my family to be forced back into the workplace - why would I want to pay all my salary over to somebody else to look after my children just so I could work in some office somewhere doing something that in 5 years time nobody will remember or care about. If you need the money to survive that is one thing and you have every right to ensure you have financial security for your family. On the other hand, the time spent with my children will never be pointless. There is plenty of research to suggest that children would rather spend time with their parents even if they are not spending 'quality time' doing stuff together than to only see their parents for an hour a day.

As for saying that there is a lot of research shows that children of working mothers are somehow end up better people than those of SAHM, I think you will find that the research pendulum is swinging the other way on that one and that actually children of working parents, left in nurseries for more than 16 hours a week are more insecure and aggressive and in some research it has even been suggested that they have a lower IQ. Not wishing to bash the working mother, my point is that you can find all sorts of research to support your point of view if you wish too.

I think the gist of what I am saying is that we all have to do what we think is best for our families and that saying that we all have to work is patently wrong since no one way of life will be right for all of us.

oh right eleusus....not sure if Xenia thinks along them lines when she makes statements like, it's better for children when teh mothers work,etc...

That is possibly true Malfoy,but then I don't agree with everything Xenia says.

Niecie, I think you'll find that pendulum does a lot of swinging in both directions.