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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Or was my sister being needlessly mean?

103 replies

Tortoiselass · 14/06/2019 15:44

Nc as outing. Need to know if I am being too sensitive or if my sister was being a bit mean.

I have recently lost a couple of stone in weight and am now at a healthy bmi (23) for my height. Eight weeks ago I also decided to start running to help maintain my weight. When I started I could barely run 2 minutes. Today I ran 7.5k. It took me 50 minutes so clearly I am not about to win any marathons at that speed but I was really proud of myself. Told my sister (because she asked how the running was going!!!) and she said oh you might as well not bother if you're going that slowly, what's the point.

Just really felt upset by that. She has form for saying tactless things especially about my weight loss even though she is much smaller than me and always has been.

WIBU to have been hurt by what she said?

OP posts:

EmperorBallpitine · 14/06/2019 16:36

Well done on your excellent path to better health. She can go f*ck herself, thin people who are unfit aren't much better off than big people who are unfit, ultimately, they just get away with it.

Original poster

Tortoiselass · 14/06/2019 16:37

I'm good Ninkaninus, used to swim competitively so I tend to regain fitness quite quickly. I am running super slowly :)

OP posts:

crosstalk · 14/06/2019 16:37

OP Just ignore her. Clearly there are family dynamics which you don't want to go into. I'd just text back I'm enjoying it! and leave it at that.

I'm post menopause and 8-10. Doesn't make me healthier - without any exercise, especially aerobic, I could be heading for furred arteries, osteoporosis etc. I'll look into running!

Ninkaninus · 14/06/2019 16:38

Fair enough, just thought I’d mention it!

Littlechocola · 14/06/2019 16:42

I think that you’ve done amazingly. I couldn’t do it!

I would have just replied ‘thank you’.
Leave her to it.

Rezie · 14/06/2019 16:43

Well done you! That's a great result. You sister is being an unsupportive cow.

anonymousbird · 14/06/2019 16:45

She's a cow and you are amazing. Keep up the great work, tell her to get lost!

IceQueenCometh · 14/06/2019 16:45

I think that's pretty quick!

I'd just ignore her unpleasant remarks. Don't reply, don't let he know she's got to you or you'll just encourage her. That kind of person thrives on creating an emotional response in someone else. It doesn't matter whether it's positive or negative, it's the ability to do it that makes them feel good.

Ignore. What a cow.

crustycrab · 14/06/2019 16:46

She doesn't do exercise. Take her with you. She'll collapse after 2 mins like I would Well done!

notatwork · 14/06/2019 16:47

In 8 weeks you have gone from running for 2 mins to running for 50 mins? That's amazing!
Did you follow a plan or did you just go for it? Well done.

Ignore your older sister.

Antigon · 14/06/2019 16:47

This is more than being mean, she's threatened. Ignore mean texts.

Goodideaatthetime007 · 14/06/2019 17:03

You are achieving great things. Don’t let her throw you off course.

That’s such a typical sister comment. I agree it probably comes from jealousy and her ‘role’ as the petite, effortlessly in shape, sibling being threatened. My (full) sister is super sporty and very fit and often says similar things to me about my very low key fitness regime. Smile sweetly and ignore.

Also remember that your dad’s less than ideal parenting will have been as hard for her as it was for you. He must have left her family when she was quite young. Forgive her for being a bit screwed up and blame him instead.

Whisky2014 · 14/06/2019 17:05

She's jealous.
Well done op!

Original poster

Tortoiselass · 14/06/2019 17:08

I do blame him to some degree but he has five other children he has been equally shit to so I don't think she has the monopoly on being allowed to behave like she does. The rest of us don't.

I can remember this incident from when I was 13 years old and she was 27 and I met her to go out for the day. I had painted my nails and she said "good for you, when you're fat you have to find other ways to look nice".

OP posts:

Goodideaatthetime007 · 14/06/2019 17:14

OMG! She sounds like a cow!

Loveislandaddict · 14/06/2019 17:16

That’s amazing, your running that is, not her comment.

She sounds jealous or threatened by your success. Keep up the good work.

Original poster

Tortoiselass · 14/06/2019 17:17

I've always remembered that because it was the first time I'd ever thought I was fat. Looking back, I actually wasn't.

OP posts:

Drum2018 · 14/06/2019 17:17

Well done on your run. Don't heed your sister. She's just a bitch - your last comment proves that. Don't respond to her mean text. She probably loves getting a reaction out of you and trying to put you down, so don't give her that satisfaction. You are a better person. You continue running for you! Don't bother even mentioning it to her again.

ConkerGame · 14/06/2019 17:22

That’s very mean of her. You have done brilliantly! She is jealous, insecure and rude!

Keep up the good work with the running and please cut down contact with the spiteful step-sister!

Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis · 14/06/2019 17:27

And as an adult you know her nail varnish comment is totally unacceptable verbal abuse. She hasn’t changed.

user1488622199 · 14/06/2019 17:27

Go round to hers, smack her in the face and run, see if she’s quick enough to catch you.

My sister is great with the cutting remarks and put downs. I used to get annoyed but I’ve decided to remember it’s more about her than me.

Well done on your weight loss and running - it’s seriously impressive and i wish I could run half the distance in twice the time, I’d be delighted!

OrdinarySnowflake · 14/06/2019 17:29

She's probably made herself feel better by being the thin one over the years. Her life might not be perfect, but she's got something that's better than you. People with low self confidence often do this, try to find someone worse than them.

You losing weight and getting into running/fitness is threatening her position as the healthy/thin one, and in fact if you become more of a runner, you might be better than her at something she values. (While she might not do any exercise, it's considered to be a positive socially, that she can't do what you can would be a failing in her eyes).

She's probably hoping you fail so it's something you can't do. ("well, anyone can lose weight, it's the maintaining that's tough, Tortoise just doesn't have will power long term." - I bet she sees her will power over food as a moral position)

I would avoid ever giving her details. Next time she asks about how the running is going, say "great thanks, how are things with you?" don't tell her how much weight you've lost or what dress size you are. Don't tell her about the running or other sporting things. Just act though her opinion isn't important.

And well done. That must be tough.

Pinkmouse6 · 14/06/2019 17:29

She just sounds bitter and jealous, ignore.

ThatssomebadhatHarry · 14/06/2019 17:32

I was having massive deja vu with this post as thought I’d read the story before. There was something similar
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3576500-To-be-upset-after-comment-from-friend

I assume it’s quite common when people lose weight other to be jealous. I guess they like to have their DUFF and your success threatens them.

In other words your sister is a cunt.

tenlittlecygnets · 14/06/2019 17:42

She's jealous. You're doing really weel. Keep going and ignore her. Perhaps ask her why she feels the need to put you down...

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