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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or was my sister being needlessly mean?

103 replies

Tortoiselass · 14/06/2019 15:44

Nc as outing. Need to know if I am being too sensitive or if my sister was being a bit mean.

I have recently lost a couple of stone in weight and am now at a healthy bmi (23) for my height. Eight weeks ago I also decided to start running to help maintain my weight. When I started I could barely run 2 minutes. Today I ran 7.5k. It took me 50 minutes so clearly I am not about to win any marathons at that speed but I was really proud of myself. Told my sister (because she asked how the running was going!!!) and she said oh you might as well not bother if you're going that slowly, what's the point.

Just really felt upset by that. She has form for saying tactless things especially about my weight loss even though she is much smaller than me and always has been.

WIBU to have been hurt by what she said?

OP posts:
BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 14/06/2019 16:11

"I can either stop bothering to run (something that I enjoy and is good for me) OR I can stop bothering to respond to endlessly negative comments." And then don't respond again unless it's positive, or at least neutral and polite.

Youwanapizzame · 14/06/2019 16:12

Better a shit runner than a shit sister...

Not that you are either but that would shut her up! :)

I think you are awesome! Took me 3 or 4 months to do a 5 K and an hour!

cornflakegirl · 14/06/2019 16:12

It takes me nearly that long to run / walk 5k so I think you're awesome! Suggest you stop sharing details with her if she can't be nice - just say "Well thanks" or similar.

Ginseng1 · 14/06/2019 16:12

Can't believe she actually wrote that down that's spiteful. I've been running for years & love it but it often takes me that to do 7.5km! But that's even besides the point even if u did 1km an hour a 'well done' 'keep at it' would b the normal response!

Ninkaninus · 14/06/2019 16:14

I wouldn’t thank her for the support, that’ll give her exactly what she wanted from you.

I’d ignore, and keep running. Next, add weight training and watch her get even more angry when you get stronger and more powerful and your body gets fitter and looks better than it ever has before.

Do that for you and don’t give her any space in your mind.

BummyKnocker · 14/06/2019 16:14

Say, 'how long does it take you?'

Nesssie · 14/06/2019 16:15

Ask her how long it took her to run 7.5km?

Well done, running is the best exercise for your body and mind!

Peccary · 14/06/2019 16:16

How unpleasant of her. It won't take much more training for you to be able to do 10km in under an hour which is good going for a new runner

redcarbluecar · 14/06/2019 16:18

Takes me 50 mins to run 5k and I’m still pleased with myself when I’ve done it. Ignore her; some people get a bit insecure about others’ achievements.

Mix56 · 14/06/2019 16:18

response, "Helen, Do fuck off won't you"

thecatsthecats · 14/06/2019 16:20

We all start out slow and speed up as our fitness improves.

Speak for yourself Grin. I am a slow-twitch person - I have got stronger and fitter, but faster? Barely!

Say, 'how long does it take you?'

I wouldn't. Playing into the idea that she has a right to judge the OP if she is quicker.

DaphneBlake101 · 14/06/2019 16:20

Well done - it's an achievement and I think your sister should have been taught 'if you've got nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all!'

Winchestermom35 · 14/06/2019 16:21

Maybe she always felt superior if she’s always been smaller?

Maybe your new figure says more about her insecurities than yours.

She sounds like a right bitch though so screw her, whatever her reason. It’s irrelevant.

You’re doing amazing. Don’t let her attitude put you down. Keep going

Original poster
Tortoiselass · 14/06/2019 16:23

She doesn't do exercise, she has always made a thing of the fact she stays a size 6-8 with no exercise

OP posts:
cuppycakey · 14/06/2019 16:23

I agree with PP. It would take me an hour to run 5k!

Please don't take offence, but you mention that she has always been thin. Do you feel there is an element of you having been "the fatter sister" and now she feels threatened, despite the fact she is so much older than you?

I think if she has form for being nasty you should probably withdraw a bit emotionally and don't confide things in her.

Dexterslockedintheshedagain · 14/06/2019 16:24

She says a size 6-8 with exercise? Has she hit the menopause yet??!!!

Dexterslockedintheshedagain · 14/06/2019 16:24

Should be with no exercise! Damn sausage fingers.

thecatsthecats · 14/06/2019 16:26

Oh, and on this point:

even though she is much smaller than me and always has been.

My personal trainer said to me that he has never done what I have done. He has never done the exercises I have carrying the weight I've had, he's never lived a 9-5 work pattern with a commute. He's never needed to lose weight. He was a sporty teen, a youth footballer, then did a sports degree.

He's never felt like throwing up after a work out. He's never experienced how it feels to do the exercises he sets whilst being horrendously unfit to start off. He's never woken up in the night in pain after a workout. I have done all those things for 18m losing 4st, and his support is one of the reasons I've kept going!

Original poster
Tortoiselass · 14/06/2019 16:27

thecatsthecats

Your pt sounds lovely.

She's not menopausal yet

OP posts:
BearRabbitPants · 14/06/2019 16:29

I bet any money she can't run 7.5K , because if she could then she would know how hard it is to take up running from scratch! I'm a size 6/8 and 8st but fuck me I thought I was going to die running the distance of 5 lampposts from my house!!!! Being thin doesn't mean you're fit & she's prob just jealous!

flumpybear · 14/06/2019 16:33

You've done brilliantly - I'm jealous!!

Ignore her, she's probably jealous of your youth and beauty- besides that size she sounds scrawny 😉

Keep it up and enjoy your new personal bests and 🖕 to fuckwits of the world 👍

BearRabbitPants · 14/06/2019 16:33

Ps. It took me 6 MONTHS to build up from nothing to 12.8 Km - 8 miles (running at 9 min per mile by then) - 6 MONTHS!!!! So you getting to 7.5 Km in 8 weeks is fantastic in my mind!

CuriousaboutSamphire · 14/06/2019 16:34

You are stepping outside the part she wrote fo you, she will endlesssly try to squish you back in again.

Basically she is the slim one, you cannot join her as that IS who she is! So stop it. Go back to being fat, unhealthy, wobbly etc etc etc.

Just laugh... text a really non commital, squishy reply along the lines of "Yes, but I do enjoy it" and just let her get on with it!

And don't forget to feel really bad - you are destroying her world view!

My apologies - I seem to have been projecting my Poisonous(stbx)SIL onto your DSis Grin

letsdolunch321 · 14/06/2019 16:35

Well done OP. Sadly your half sister sounds a very jealous person who is never happy for anyone. My sister is the same along with being negative and very judgemental regards others.

Concentrate on you .....

YOU have done so bloody well with your running and motivation - it is really a shame your HS cannot be happy for you.

Ninkaninus · 14/06/2019 16:35

Please be very careful with adding too much to your runs too quickly. It can cause a lot of problems and unfortunately because it’s so addictive a lot of people go too far too quickly.

But definitely keep it up!