How to get boys to do housework?

[Fakenametodayhey]

Right. I have a son 6 and a daughter 4. Daughter helps with household chores. Follows me around the house and will pick up clothes or toys sometimes without even being asked. She is going to make a wonderful housewife (dont know how i feel about this)
Whereas my son never has been bothered. It is a real job getting him to do anything amd he actually cries at being asked politely first time! It is really grinding my gears.
Dad lives with us and does the bare minimum (never happy with rhe state of the house though surprisingly) and i feel like they are just folliwing gender roles.

This goes aling with son following dad in playing video games and gaughter folliwing me and not being remotely interested.

I always thought that id be the mum my ds's future spouse would love because he would cook and clean and never conform to gender stereotypes. But ut is just easier to let him play and let her help. She enjoys it and he will moan and throw a fit and do whatever task it is purposely badly. Im his mum so i know he is capable of picking up a bloody teddy bear.

So what do i do?! I dont want an entitled man expecting his wife to run around after the children whilst dusting and only sitting diwn to rub his feet.

Im sorry girls but i think ive f#cked it!

I would think at 6, there’s time to crack it, but with such a poor example from his father, who knows.

He's 6 - stop stressing and just give him jobs to do. Teach him to cook, wash and iron and clean a bathroom as the years go by. Do not let him assume girls get to do it because they like it!!!

Tell him what you need him to do, and if he refuses, let there be consequences. Getting rid of your useless partner would help, too.

Tell him to do it! Ignore the tears and tantrums.

I have 5 boys and they all help out. Some moan more than others but I don't give a shit. You live in this house, you make mess in this house, you help tidy up this house.

If you think not doing it properly will get you out of it (my youngest!) you are greatly mistaken, it's your turn next time again instead of your siblings, until you learn how to do it properly.

Mine are older now, but they've been helping since they were young.

It sounds like you have a DH issue. Have you spoken to him about it? Can you allocate a job for your son and DH to be responsible for together? Washing/tidying, hoovering? Give them a few weeks to get into the routine/used to it. Then start encouraging son to do jobs without DH as well. But make sure there is at least one job that he carries on doing with DH. If DH won't help solve this issue, it is always going to be an uphill struggle.

My DS is much more helpful around the house than my DD. I think it's a personality thing not a gender thing.

Children learn from what they see modelled. Time to get their Dad to start pulling his weight.

He's only 6. Just make him, in the same way you enforce him doing other things he doesnt like.

But if you're going to tolerate a useless husband who thinks he's exempt because penis, it might be rather more difficult to stop this attitude from being passed on.

I have three girls and three boys and they all do the housework and all have chores. I wouldn’t say the girls enjoy it more than the boys, but then I haven’t bought them up to think they should

And get rid of the useless husband.

Get that cracked quickly!! My ds has always done little jobs, even when he was little, and now, at 13, he can cook, tidy, empty dishwasher, etc. Maybe a job not done/not done properly means no gaming time? Or give him extra time if he helps cheerfully?

Missing the point but I read this as you had 6 sons and 4 daughters and was ready to tip my hat to you

I made my dsx2 start housework tasks when they were ready.
By the time they started high school could wash, iron, clean, tidy, mop, garden.
I didn't want useless men and dil's who blamed us
It worked and future dils are so pleased with the results, and ds1 has made a great daddy too.

You have to make boys do the jobs so it becomes second nature, maybe start off with small rewards. mine used to get stickers or the latest playground thing, usually only a couple of quid.
As they got older we reasoned about how it's important to be able to look after yourself and to do your share/ teamwork.

My ds is only 3 and he is so super helpful. He will tidy up and ask what can he help with. He also loves being in the kitchen and is so interested in learning how things are made. I can say that a part of it is down to me but it's mostly DH who models this to him and where he picks it up from. He sees his dad or me doing the same types of chores or cooking and to him he sees no difference. I would say you need to work harder to enforce this with your ds but as long as he sees your dh lazing around hes going to question why should he.

I think what you describe is pretty typical for many 6 year olds. Ds2 still sometimes whinges at 11 (ds1 is a willing helper so its not just down to sex). You just insist - he does it, when asked, regardless of tears. If he complains too much he gets another job when he's done the first. And ask frequently so its the norm. Give him a choice of tasks (both mine like laundry bizarrely) or get him to work alongside you. He's just making a fuss so you stop asking.

When he does it, lots of praise. But he doesn't have to be his father's son in this.

It's not too late to crack this. If he doesn't do the job properly, there are consequences. Every time. (Normally Xbox related in this house.) You NEED to stick to this - learning how to look after himself is an essential skill and it's your job to teach it. Your DH's job too, of course, but I think you're on a hiding to nothing there 😕.

My ds (5) is much more likely to help out around the house than dd (10). That said, in general of he won't do something (of any nature) he requires much more in the way of consequences than dd, who responds to reasoning and did at his age.

She isn't lazy or difficult but needs to be reminded to do things.

Ds might do stuff because he wanted to for instance- e.g. taking the Hoover or broom off me becuase he wants to do it.

Their Dad is a crap example re housework and gender roles - partly why I left him!

his father needs to lead by example. If he can be bothered to parent his son, of course.

It's not a boy/girl thing I think.

My 7 year old boy is very helpful and tidies the moment he's asked (and sometimes when he hasn't been!)

My 5 year old boy - well, I'm not sure if we've ever managed to get him to tidy something without tears.

They both love dusting though

We made pocket money dependant on helping tidy. And extra chores gets an extra 50p.

Your daughter is probably doing it because she sees you doing it and wants to do what mummy’s doing. Your son is following you DHs example and being lazy. Make your DH to do some work round the house and you might see a difference as he might want to do what daddy’s doing. I know my brother always copied my dad although my dad was a very hands on dad when he wasn’t away working (soldier) so he could be away for a while at a time.

I do think its personality. DS was never independent and would have happily still let us feed him until he was grown up I suspect! DD insisted on baby led weaning as she point blank allowed us to put anything in her mouth for her (even yoghurt. Don't get me started on the mess...).

But DS is now 8. I've been telling him for a while that as he gets older he has to do more. For the last year we've been insisting on simple things like putting his plate in the dishwasher or picking up all his clothes/putting in washing, basic tidying up etc. We've also started insisting he learn how to make his own drinks, can pour his own cereal and make toast etc. He knows when he's 10 he has to start learning to cook properly.

he asked me the other day if he could get paid for putting his dishes int he dishwasher. I told him that we all have to do our bit because we're a family. if he does extra chores, then yes, we'll talk about being paid for those. But day to day work has to be shared by all of us.

With his personality, it's the pre-warning and understanding of what's coming that's important. Also simple reality that he has to learn these things because we won't help him if he doesn't - "want a snack DS? Get it yourself, I'm not doing it." seems to work well.

I think it’s very tell-tale that you say “boys” rather than “my son”. This isn’t a problem everyone has. This is a problem you have because - without sounding harsh - you have let him get away with it, possibly influenced by the expectation that it will be harder with a boy. Just tell him, and if he doesn’t do what he is asked, give him a consequence until he does.

Marrying a man who isn’t a lazy sexist pig would have been a good start!

Your child is only 6, plenty of time to get him trained and break the cycle.

I don't think this is a boy/girl thing - I have two boys, and the eldest needs to be reminded to do everything, but the little one will independently go round and take all the cups to the kitchen or whatever.

On the other hand, the elder changes his pants without intervention, and the younger one sometimes needs to be stood over and forced to put on clean clothes (tries to re-wear yesterday's pants, or not wear any at all).

I make it a routine. Clothes in basket, plates to the dishwasher, lunchbox on the side, school bag back in the hall after homework etc. It'll stand them in good stead. My mum/dad gave us jobs, but didn't train us in the daily little things like always putting your washing in the basket, and it's been a pain training myself to keep a tidy house, let alone training the kids.

I definitely think it's a personality over gender thing