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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How to get boys to do housework?

74 replies

Fakenametodayhey · 14/06/2019 14:34

Right. I have a son 6 and a daughter 4. Daughter helps with household chores. Follows me around the house and will pick up clothes or toys sometimes without even being asked. She is going to make a wonderful housewife (dont know how i feel about this)
Whereas my son never has been bothered. It is a real job getting him to do anything amd he actually cries at being asked politely first time! It is really grinding my gears.
Dad lives with us and does the bare minimum (never happy with rhe state of the house though surprisingly) and i feel like they are just folliwing gender roles.

This goes aling with son following dad in playing video games and gaughter folliwing me and not being remotely interested.

I always thought that id be the mum my ds's future spouse would love because he would cook and clean and never conform to gender stereotypes. But ut is just easier to let him play and let her help. She enjoys it and he will moan and throw a fit and do whatever task it is purposely badly. Im his mum so i know he is capable of picking up a bloody teddy bear.

So what do i do?! I dont want an entitled man expecting his wife to run around after the children whilst dusting and only sitting diwn to rub his feet.

Im sorry girls but i think ive f#cked it!

OP posts:

Rufusthebewilderedreindeer · 14/06/2019 19:14

My dad still complains that he tidied and cleaned my room

But did ya make me daddy...eh?eh?

No you didnt...no consequences

Isleepinahedgefund · 14/06/2019 19:28

Housework isn't something you do because you're interested in it, is it. You don't have to wait for him to want to hoover, allocate him the task! Do his future wife a favour and teach him all this stuff now.

It isn't because he's a boy either. My DD (7) isn't "interested" in housework either. I make her do it though - I tell her I'm not interested in to either but it has to be done! That seems to make her feel better about it somehow.

Dontknowwhatyoumean · 14/06/2019 19:38

Chore chart, and include your DH. Start with small tasks - making the bed, setting the table... - and then add more. It works really well for our DS6.

roisinagusniamh · 14/06/2019 20:06

Dontknow, why on earth would you suggest the OP put her DH on a chart alongside the children ?
He is an adult and should do his fair share .

Dontknowwhatyoumean · 14/06/2019 22:36

OK, let me rephrase it. Having a chart for the whole family - including her DH - makes it more fun for the kids. But of course her DH should do his fair share, with or without chore chart!

roisinagusniamh · 15/06/2019 09:07

How to get children to do housework should be what the OP wants advice on.

lyralalala · 15/06/2019 12:42

But ut is just easier to let him play and let her help. She enjoys it and he will moan and throw a fit and do whatever task it is purposely badly.

That’s the mindset you need to rid yourself of. Lots of things are easier if you just let kids get on with them, but you can’t. My life would be easier if DD1 was allowed to stay out til 2am and if DS2 was allowed to live on pears and chocolate.

Contributing to the house is just another thing you need to deal with.

And much easier to deal with it at 6 than 16.

SignedUpJust4This · 15/06/2019 12:46

Your DH needs to get up and do it with him. Monkey see monkey do.

tenlittlecygnets · 15/06/2019 12:52

How your dd is at 4 has no bearing on how she will act as a teen, believe me. My dd has regressed in the housework department, and my 11yo ds is much better!

But your h is setting a shitty example, so he has to sort his behaviour out first. Your dc will follow the examples you and your h set for them.

TwinklyMummaLuvsHerBubba89 · 15/06/2019 12:53

I'm a LP. Was just me and DD for 8 years.

She's a lazy little bugger and moans/tries to bargain at the slightest request for help with housework

Youngest, DS 6, is like Mary Poppins around the house. Except for his bedroom (but I let that slide, he plays in there it's going to be messy)

His dad, my ex, is useless. He'd left his girlfriend wipe his bum for him if he could.

I think it's down to personality as well as following role models.

BaronessBomburst · 15/06/2019 12:58

DS is 9. He knows that if he folds the washing, empties the dishwasher, hoovers etc I'll have time free to spend with him. We do the chores together and go to the park together.

BrokenWing · 15/06/2019 13:00

I dont want an entitled man expecting his wife to run around after the children whilst dusting and only sitting diwn to rub his feet.

Your married one. If you think its hard now getting your ds to help think about how it will be when he's a teen and he sees his dad sitting on his arse. Solve the root cause and get your dh involved.

BaronessBomburst · 15/06/2019 13:00

Forgot to add, he also understands that it's not my job. We all live in the house, we all contribute together.

Purpletigers · 15/06/2019 13:11

If your husband is in the house while you’re doing the housework then he needs to help too . I do all the housework because husband is never in the house ( farmer), I have one of each and they both have jobs to do around the house . When I was growing up my brothers weren’t expected to do anything and the girls were expected to wait on the men . Feck that . Thankfully my brothers married strong women and they now do their share . Only right when their wives both work full time too .

megletthesecond · 15/06/2019 13:14

The problem here is his dad. His dad needs to step it up.

My DS doesn't see his dad. As far as he's considered all able bodied members of the house do chores.

Aprillygirl · 15/06/2019 13:20

You're making this into a boy/girl issue when it's actually just a difference of character thing. Your DC could well change though and you may well find that in a couple of years time your DD is bored of being little miss helpful and you find yourself battling with her over the simple task of putting her toys away, and your DS may be happy to dust, run the hoover round and make you all a Sunday roast (sounds far fetched, but if you believe what you read on here a high percentage of 8 year olds spend their spare time cooking 2 or 3 course dinners for the family!).
As far as your DH is concerned though,I fear it may be too late for him and why you put up with that shit is completely beyond my comprehension

Tessalectus · 15/06/2019 13:51

IME all children like a challenge. And I don't mean that in a "let's see who can do x fastest" competition (although these help), but every child likes to feel grown-up, so give them grown-up things to do. My toddler sorts the washing by colour (with guidance) and helps me carry the basket, because they are so big and strong. They love baking and cooking, which makes a mess, but also help with the cleaning afterwards before they can have their reward.

The teen prepares lunch boxes, puts dry laundry away, is responsible for their and their sibling's room, occasionally helps me cook dinners and irons their Scout uniform.

Both garden and weed with us.

It's the little thrills like being (under supervision and guidance) allowed to use the "dangerous" stuff like irons and knives, hobs and ovens that does it for them.

anothernotherone · 15/06/2019 14:00

I agree, he's 6 you just tell him what to do. Lots of praise when he does it well, no reaction but no backing down if he tantrums.

My boys are nearly 12 and 8 and still young enough to simply expect them to obay instructions, so baring a drip feed of PDA a 6 year old most certainly is. He's learned to be like dad, but he can unlearn bad behaviour at 6.

I have a DD too who is eager to help still - she's 14. Not eager to clean but loves cooking and preparing food and DH is domestically lazy - I work shifts and I get the rage that when I'm not home it's always DD who cooks, so it's massively important to me to be very hot on the boys doing their share, not letting DD do it all!

Btw your DD might not always automatically tidy - my dc1 was an absolute best freak with an obsessively tidy room and a compulsion to put things away at 4 - his room now looks as though a bomb's hit it and previously incurably messy DD keeps her room like a show home. 4 year old behaviour doesn't always stick!

anothernotherone · 15/06/2019 14:02

*neat freak not best

Strokethefurrywall · 15/06/2019 14:11

Teach him over and over and over.
I have 2 boys, 7&5 years and they now automatically clear their plates and load the dishwasher.

We have a cleaner but I have the kids clean windows, load the washing machine, they Vacumn and I give them mop socks to skid around the house.

They're crap at picking up after themselves but they get excited to clean so I teach them what to do. Over and over and over.

Because when they become adults, they're going to know how to keep a house and they're absolutely not going to expect other people to do it for them.

DS1 already makes bolognese and enjoys cooking so I'm going to develop that interest.

Honestly, it doesn't matter how much he whines. Incentivize him by giving him a dollar for each "job" he does at first but at 6 years he's old enough to make beds, Hoover etc.

MannyBianco · 15/06/2019 14:32

Why are you calling us girls? Why do you think you've "fucked it"? Isn't your useless husband to blame at all?

Stop doing things for your lazy husband and teach your son the same as you're teaching your daughter.

What makes you think your son will have a wife one day anyway? Maybe less stereotypical thinking from you would help.

I'd hate to suggest you were trolling with the housewife references as you'd have to go back to troll school (too obvious).

user1480880826 · 15/06/2019 14:39

The problem is with your husband, not your son. Fix your husband and you will fix your son. No point nagging your son when he sees his dad getting away with doing sweet FA.

Parents need to sort themselves out before bringing children into the mix if they don’t want their kids to be carbon copies of themselves.

Your husband isn’t also a terrible role model for your daughter. Please don’t let your daughter see the two men in her life being feckless sexists.

Sceptre86 · 15/06/2019 14:48

Your dh is the biggest issue here. What does he not help yet still voice an opinion on the state of the house? Why do you allow that? You are enabling his poor behaviour and your son is modelling it.

My dd is 3 and has no interest in cleaning at all but will put her toys away when asked. My ds is nearly 2 and will pull the chairs so I can hoover under the table and likes to copy me cleaning. Their behaviour will probably change as they age but it helps that dh is not lazy and will do any household chores. If you all live in the house then you are all responsible for cleaning it. Give him set tasks eg.putting plates in the sink after eating, clothes in laundry basket, dusting. If he moans he loses privileges, it really can be that simple.

Fatted · 15/06/2019 14:53

Well my 6YO DS cleans up after himself. The 4 YO DS is lazy and refuses. So it's got naff all to do with gender IMO.

You ask politely. When that doesn't work, you ask the 'batman' voice. When that doesn't work, you punish the one you ignores you and reward the one who does tidy. My particular is hoovering up toys left on the floor.

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