How to get boys to do housework?

[Fakenametodayhey]

Right. I have a son 6 and a daughter 4. Daughter helps with household chores. Follows me around the house and will pick up clothes or toys sometimes without even being asked. She is going to make a wonderful housewife (dont know how i feel about this)
Whereas my son never has been bothered. It is a real job getting him to do anything amd he actually cries at being asked politely first time! It is really grinding my gears.
Dad lives with us and does the bare minimum (never happy with rhe state of the house though surprisingly) and i feel like they are just folliwing gender roles.

This goes aling with son following dad in playing video games and gaughter folliwing me and not being remotely interested.

I always thought that id be the mum my ds's future spouse would love because he would cook and clean and never conform to gender stereotypes. But ut is just easier to let him play and let her help. She enjoys it and he will moan and throw a fit and do whatever task it is purposely badly. Im his mum so i know he is capable of picking up a bloody teddy bear.

So what do i do?! I dont want an entitled man expecting his wife to run around after the children whilst dusting and only sitting diwn to rub his feet.

Im sorry girls but i think ive f#cked it!

"want a snack DS? Get it yourself, I'm not doing it." seems to work well

Yup. Mine have both informed the other at some point that "Mummy is not your slave".

Although the first time DS1 said that to DS2, DS2 asked who was his slave then?

And I did have to explain the concept of slave the first few times I said that...

I find it also helps to point out to our DC what we are doing. Mine will often demand something but I point out that my hands are full, that I am cooking dinner, then emptying the washing machine, then washing up so no, I can't come and dry you after your shower because you can't be bothered. They often don't see what we do.

Yup. Mine have both informed the other at some point that "Mummy is not your slave".

Actually that's a good point - I informed DS in January last year that I was no longer his slave and he was going to have to step up more. I may have been ranting a bit at the time, but I told him it was my new year's resolution.

I definitely think it's a personality over gender thing

Yeah but what you don't want is for it to turn into a gender thing which seems like it might do given the OP clearly does a lot and her "D"H doesn't.

But yeah I have one of each, neither love housework but they're both made pull their weight

Get a chore chart, but make sure your DH's name is on it too!

I've got 2 DD's and 1 DS and he is the one that helps the most, probably because he is the youngest and my DH does his bit too. My DB's never had to do a stitch yet I had to do loads and it always got on my nerves

"Dad lives with us and does the bare minimum (never happy with rhe state of the house though surprisingly) and i feel like they are just folliwing gender roles."

That's because their parents are following (outdated) gender roles! They are copying you. You and your husband are teaching both your children that housework is a girl/woman's job. Your son will be selfish and lazy like your husband. And your daughter will do it all like you, and may well end up with a selfish lazy husband.

Your daughter will probably lose interest at some point as well.
It has to be non-negotiable. Give him responsibility for something and tell him to get on with it. His dad will need to be onside as well but that in its own will not be enough - children don't normally love housework just because they see parents doing it - not beyond the age of about 4 anyway.

I'm not sure about the gender roles thing at that age. My dh has always pulled his weight around the house and been a v hands on father and that has never rubbed off on ds2 (who is ironically as lazy as I was as a child).

Let him moan and make him do it again when he deliberately does a poor job.

I started my boys off from being toddlers, simple things like putting their own toys away, loo seat down and putting their laundry in the wash basket, simple age related things.
As they got older i gave them other things to do, again, age appropiate.
Sometimes they would moan, but they were still made to do it. As i used to say, in the time its taken you to moan about it, you could have had the job done.
They're married now and they do their fair share of domestic chores, which their partners appreciate.
They had equal chores to my DD. ( No one gets left out in my home )
You also need to up the ante with your DH. Tell him in no uncertain terms what the consequences of not doing his share of domestics will be, and stick to it.

If your son and daughter are closely following the gender stereotypes that you and your DH are modelling, this is what you need to address.

Firstly how does DH have any right to be unhappy with the state of the house when he does the bare minimum?! .Tell your hubby what you have told us .that DS is following in his footsteps NOT GOOD!.Sat mornings hoovering (DH) making sure DS "helps" by picking up .One or two dinners a week DH ,anything ,Spag Bol, fishfingers.Whatever and see how that goes any complaints (withdraw things he likes......!

My two are only very little. But my two year old has realised that he doesn't get snack until toys are tidied away and that dinner can't be eaten until he's laid the table. I guess it's natural consequences?

Firstly, you need a conversation with your DH about the fact that you are not his servant, and for his own sake and his son's things need to change in your house. Try to make it constructive rather than an exercise in allocating blame, and if he gets defensive make it clear that this is not criticism about what has happened in the past, it is about making sure everything is done properly in the future.

If your DH won't go along with this, every time he moans about the state of the house, say "Fine, let's tackle that now (or whenever is convenient)" and allocate the work involved: make it clear that he is equally responsible and he doesn't get to moan unless he does something about it. If he says it's your job to do it all, make it very very clear that you are not his servant. If necessary, refuse to wash or cook for him till he does his share.

My DS's (8&6) are not naturally inclined towards housekeeping (neither am I!). DS2 is naturally better than DS1, but DS1 has the impediment of dyspraxia which does interfer with his organisational skills.

We have sunk into the gender roles of SAHM and long working hours dad, but at least DH is self sufficient in things like his laundry and doesn't tend to generate mess (although I doubt the DCs register such things).

I encourage the DCs to look after their own things (clearing their things off the table, tidying their floor etc) and it takes a lot of micromanaging to get a result. It is tougher than doing it yourself and has to be viewed as a long term training issue. Incentives such as tech time tends to work well. They get told that they have x time to do the job and have the tech time. The quicker they do the job, the longer the tech time they keep in the allowence.

DS1 is better than when he was 6, and DS2 is tougher at 6 than he was when he was younger so there is probably an age element in there.

Scouting camps are good for a culture of everyone mucking in to help.

Your DS is 6. There’s plenty of time.

His father is presumably a lot older.

It will be hard work to change the status quo but you should do it.

Worth it in the end- like much of parenting or marriage issues.

A good DH management technique is "while I am doing x, can you do y". It avoids the trap of "helping" which still keeps the responsibility on you and makes him look all virtuous for just doing the minimum, and he either needs a good alternative reason or is churlish for declining to support when you are clearly being busy doing x.

There’s so much wrong with this post. ‘She’ll make an excellent housewife one day’, she’s four . So strange.

Your DS is mirroring his lazy Father. Either get his Dad to stop being a lazy twat or leave him.

Mine helped with housework from tiny

Mainly tidying and cleaning their bedroom, but also the dining room (playroom) and the living room if they made a mess in there

I think it probably helped having an extremely well behaved first child, the other two just seemed to follow his good example

6 is still very young and im sure it can be rectified if you follow some of the advice upthread

Its just part of life, both children are expected to do little chores

My 15 year old son can cook because he put himself on a regime at 13 and wanted control over what he ate. He can iron because he wants to look good. His room is a tip because he doesn’t care until his girlfriend comes over then he cleans it! Total self interest.
4 and 6 is young. Your daughter is just copying you. And you can show them how it’s done but that doesn’t mean they’ll do it.

If you saw your children as children instead of boys and girls and thereby , had the same expectations of all you would not have this problem.

Same way you get girls to do it. Give him a job and tell him to do it and set out consequences if he doesn't. Gender shouldn't be an issue.

My grandson aged 8, loves housework, sweeping , dusting, washing up, he loves to wash cars, even at 2 or 3 he would really work hard with a sponge and bucket, his older sister would love to wash the car, but would squirt grandad with the hose and mess around, she is 11 now, and still not an enthusiastic helper in the house, so it doesn't depend on gender.

Absolutely !
I never wanted to do chores as a kid (still don't )
My brothers just got on with it.
It really is short sighted to think a boy because he's a boy needs more encouragement .
And it is very damaging to girls !!