To not want to muck around with my hormones anymore?

[ILoveEurovision]

I've been on the pill on and off since I was a teenager. It's worked but I don't think it's been brilliant for my body (weight gain etc). DH and I have one child now and don't want any more. I was very ill with DS. I could go through it again if I really wanted another child but feel satisfied. DH feels very strongly that he doesn't want any more children as he is too old and tired to go through the baby stage ever again.

I think DH assumed I'd go back on the pill after the birth but I haven't and really don't want to. I don't think it's a good long term solution. I don't really fancy the coil or anything similar either having read so much negative stuff about them on here (I know loads of people love their Mirena coil and don't have periods anymore, but I think I'm done messing around with my body).

DH says he doesn't understand why I am worried about continuing to mess around with my hormones as, after all, contraception is not natural anyway. I have tried to explain to him about the risks of DVT, cancer etc. which I appreciate are small risks but ones I'd rather avoid. I also realise that with the pill having a typical 91% effectiveness rate, there's a fair chance I'd get pregnant again in the next 10 or so years.

Moreover, I think I just feel like I've done my bit taking care of the contraception for a number of years and I don't see why it's always on the woman to sort it (unless using condoms)-? DH is the one who feels strongest about not having any more children and if we broke up I am certain he wouldn't have any with a new partner, so it would make a lot of sense for him to get a vasectomy but he's squeamish.

AIBU to not get contraception? I'm not actively trying to force DH to get a vasectomy, but right now we're at a stand-off and I don't know how we'll resolve it.

Sounds like it's payback time

The conversation should surely be you saying "I am no longer taking sole responsibility for contraception nor having anything put in my body. It's up to you to take the lead. Condoms, vasectomy, abstinence. Please let me know what you decide".

Then let him sort it if he doesn't want kids

My DH has the snip. We negotiated a period post second child before he did it in case we changed our minds but I don't want a third so off he went.

If he was taking the piss while you were pregnant now is the time to have firm boundaries and send a definite message he has to step up and do his fair share

Absolutely. Of course you shouldn't take hormones you're uncomfortable with so a selfish man can continue being selfish. Honestly, he doesnt sound great.

So I agree with others he should have the snip or take a small risk by using condoms. The diaphragm is a good option but it's less reliable than condoms and it's your responsibility once again.

Just stay firm. If he definitely doesn't want more children it's not a big deal to have the snip. It's by far the easiest solution.

Yadnbu

I was very lucky that my DH chose to have the snip after ds2 was born.
He didn't want any more children. I had 2 long back to back labours, tore badly with both children and was on iron tablets for over a year post birth with both boys.
He asked if I wanted to go back on the pill, I said no. He booked the vasectomy for 3 weeks after ds2 was born. He was 28. He's now 50 and we've had 22 years of not having to worry.
He always says he had no qualms about doing it. He saw what I went through
during pregnancy, labour and birth. And said the responsibility was down to him.
I do not understand men who go all squeamish about the Dr going near their bits but have no problem watching their wife go through labour and birth several times and refusing to take responsibility for it

The way to understand those squeamish men is to realise that in their minds their bodily integrity is sacrosanct, the bodily integrity of women on the other hand is much less important, that is the way to interpret their behaviour

Not trying to be a voice of dissent here (no great fan of mucking about with my hormones any more either and would love a good alternative!) but there are always 2 sides to any argument. Absolutely agree men ought to take responsibility for contraception too, but vividly remember listening to a documentary in which some men who suffered post-vasectomy pain syndrome talked about how it affected their lives, and I truly wouldn't wish that on anyone's DH. Small percentage affected yes, but maybe not so small as people would like to think.

This link says 15%: www.birminghamprostateclinic.co.uk/penile-urethral/conditions/post-vasectomy-pain-syndrome-post-vasectomy-testicular-pain/
This one says 0.1%: www.verywellhealth.com/post-vasectomy-pain-3300172
Basically I'd have some sympathy with men who did their homework and were concerned about being permanently damaged - you'd at least want to pick a surgeon very, very carefully!

I went off hormones after horrific side effects on them. Used condoms for a while (but was terrified of the low effectivity)
Copper coil been in two months now. I absolutely love it so far. It's an option is he doesn't want a vascemtomy 🤷

Agree copper coil is fine. Periods heavier but manageable and it can stay in until I'll be through the menopause

Mine had the referral and appointment for a vasectomy booked when we found out I needed a hysterectomy. He asked if I would think less of him if he cancelled. Kinda didn’t see the point in him having unnecessary surgery if I was having my bits removed, but thought it was cute that he asked. I did mention that if I ever caught him cheating, I’d be doing the snipping myself.....

The copper coil can be hard to deal with if you have heavy periods during perimenopause for some- GP recommended removing it due to such heavy periods- can cause anaemia as well. So maybe depends