Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to muck around with my hormones anymore?

87 replies

ILoveEurovision · 14/06/2019 10:07

I've been on the pill on and off since I was a teenager. It's worked but I don't think it's been brilliant for my body (weight gain etc). DH and I have one child now and don't want any more. I was very ill with DS. I could go through it again if I really wanted another child but feel satisfied. DH feels very strongly that he doesn't want any more children as he is too old and tired to go through the baby stage ever again.

I think DH assumed I'd go back on the pill after the birth but I haven't and really don't want to. I don't think it's a good long term solution. I don't really fancy the coil or anything similar either having read so much negative stuff about them on here (I know loads of people love their Mirena coil and don't have periods anymore, but I think I'm done messing around with my body).

DH says he doesn't understand why I am worried about continuing to mess around with my hormones as, after all, contraception is not natural anyway. I have tried to explain to him about the risks of DVT, cancer etc. which I appreciate are small risks but ones I'd rather avoid. I also realise that with the pill having a typical 91% effectiveness rate, there's a fair chance I'd get pregnant again in the next 10 or so years.

Moreover, I think I just feel like I've done my bit taking care of the contraception for a number of years and I don't see why it's always on the woman to sort it (unless using condoms)-? DH is the one who feels strongest about not having any more children and if we broke up I am certain he wouldn't have any with a new partner, so it would make a lot of sense for him to get a vasectomy but he's squeamish.

AIBU to not get contraception? I'm not actively trying to force DH to get a vasectomy, but right now we're at a stand-off and I don't know how we'll resolve it.

OP posts:
whatswithtodaytoday · 15/06/2019 07:25

I haven't used hormonal contraception since my early 20s, it doesn't agree with me at all. We used condoms for 11 years before stopping to conceive or child, and will go back to them when we start having sex again.

They do have one big bonus - no wet patch! Grin

MarthasGinYard · 15/06/2019 07:27

Op I was in exactly the same quandary. Just didn't want to take hormones anymore and didn't fancy any of the alternatives. I Felt I had done my bit. Two miscarriages at 40 and we thought no more. Dp not keen on thought of snip snap but booked in and had it.

Very minor in and out in 20 mins. He wouldn't let me see the 'wound' and later admitted it was so small and he thought he'd get zero sympathy Hmm

He was absolutely fine and no problems at all.

Ihatehashtags · 15/06/2019 07:29

I think you’ve more than done your part, taking contraception for 10 years and pushing a baby out of your vagina. Tell hubby it’s a vasectomy or no sex. Simple! He’s being an utter dick.

Osirus · 15/06/2019 07:34

You can’t force someone into an operation, which does has log-lasting chronic pain for 10% if men, which is far too high a risk in my opinion. ^^^

Read the family planning board on here if you want to see what I mean.

Osirus · 15/06/2019 07:35

*long lasting, not log! Grin

user87382294757 · 15/06/2019 07:41

You can't force them to do anything, but you can offer a choice such as having sex with condoms, not having sex or the op, then they can chose. Same as we can choose pill etc. It's no difference really. just taking turns. I have had my turn for 20 years, now it is his turn

Hotpinkangel19 · 15/06/2019 07:43

After our 4th child was born we were sure that we were finished and I really struggled with the pregnancy. I also have health anxiety and I really didn't want to go back on the pill so DH had a vasectomy.

Isatis · 15/06/2019 07:44

FFS, he doesn't want anyone going near his willy when you've just been through pregnancy and childbirth with loads of people going near your vagina and cervix, and would have to do so again if you get pregnant. He'd manage to get over his squeamishness if he thought there was something wrong with his penis or testicles. He needs to think about which he feels more strongly about, having another child or having a vasectomy, and make his choice.

Isatis · 15/06/2019 07:48

Osirus, the risk of long-lasting pain after vasectomy is in fact 1-2%, not 10%, and there are various effective treatments available. Compare that to the risks of long lasting adverse effects of childbirth.

Fatted · 15/06/2019 07:59

We're in a similar position. DH doesn't want me to go back on any hormone contraception either because my moods are terrible and my sex drive is non-existent. But he doesn't want a vasectomy. He respects my choice, I respect his.

Our situation is complicated by my absolutely horrendous periods since having DC and the only solution offered to me by the doctor is the pill.

RussianSpamBot · 15/06/2019 09:08

Doesnt understand why you're bothered about hormones because contraception isnt natural?! I'm not surprised you aren't shagging him. That sort of stupid is a massive turn off.

foreverhanging · 15/06/2019 09:51

I do wonder why they're ok with us being cut open and displayed to all and sundry to bear their children while not wanting to have a small procedure to stop pregnancies that THEY don't want.

Scoobydobbywho · 15/06/2019 10:10

My dh said he would have the snip whilst I was pregnant with our 2nd ds, we both didn't want anymore dc because of our ages. So I said I was willing to be sterilised during my c section as they were already in there, so that's what we did. I also have the coil fitted to try and stop my period as I get hormonal migraines. You have to do what suits you best.

Original poster
ILoveEurovision · 15/06/2019 10:42

I do wonder why they're ok with us being cut open and displayed to all and sundry to bear their children while not wanting to have a small procedure to stop pregnancies that THEY don't want.

Tbf, DH has said that if he had been the one to get pregnant and give birth, we wouldn't have had any children!

OP posts:
LaurieMarlow · 15/06/2019 10:51

I feel absolutely the same as you OP. I stopped all hormonal bc after the birth of my first child (went on to have another one, which was planned).

However, I also understand him not wanting the snip. It does feel very final.

I think you need to revisit all your options. We use condoms, no issues with them at all. I’d recommend that. Is there a non hormonal coil option?

YesQueen · 15/06/2019 10:53

Copper coil is non hormonal. I'm on my third and having my 4th this year. Makes my periods a day or so longer but small price to pay!

LaurieMarlow · 15/06/2019 10:54

understand why you're bothered about hormones because contraception isnt natural?! I'm not surprised you aren't shagging him. That sort of stupid is a massive turn off.

Wow, how rude and utterly lacking in insight. Are you always this tone deaf? Hmm

Lots of people don’t like how hormonal contraception impacts their body. Nothing wrong with trying to find ways of preventing pregnancy without it.

Whosorrynow · 15/06/2019 10:57

He expects you to sacrifice your health and well-being so that he can enjoy the sex life he wants, but dismisses any suggestion that he should suffer or make any sacrifices
It's all about what he wants isn't it.... you are there to serve his needs

DragonMamma · 15/06/2019 10:57

We are in the same situation. The Pill made me slightly mad and I conceived Dc1 whilst on it.

So I’ve told DH it’s condoms or a vasectomy. He’s being precious about the latter. I had to take the MAP recently and I’ve told him that if I have to take it again then it’s abstinence because it fucks my cycles up so badly.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 15/06/2019 11:07

Or he knows that a vasectomy is the sensible option but doesn't want to admit it because "I don't want anyone going near my willy!"

I have zero sympathy for men who watch their partner go through the physical and emotional rollercoaster of pregnancy, deliver them a baby (either by performing a feat akin to shitting out a watermelon or undergoing major surgery) not to mention years of playing havoc with their mood, weight, skin, libido and raising the risk of some serious long term health problems with hormonal contraception only to then get pathetically squeamish at the suggestion they might take some responsibility for family planning by withstanding just a fraction of that discomfort. Because heaven forbid anything interfere with their precious "willy"! Who gives a shit if our vaginas tear, we lose control of our bowels or bladder, suffer chronic mobility problems or hip/pelvic pain? Who gives a shit if we increase our risks of DVT, strokes, breast and ovarian cancer from taking the Pill for years on end? Who gives a shit if we have heavy bleeding for one week out of every four from the copper coil? As long as the poor menz don't have to worry about "anyone going near their willy".

As for the risks of long term pain from a vasectomy, it's something like 1-2% I believe, not the 10% that's quoted on this thread. How many women quietly put up with some degree of long term pain (either physical or emotional) from complications of pregnancy or childbirth?? I bet it's more than 1-2%!

OP, I felt the same as you. After DC2 I told my DH that I've put my body through enough after two pregnancies and births so I was done with hormonal contraception and it was either condoms, a vasectomy or abstinence. He hates condoms (I don't mind them) and neither of us wants to be celibate so there you have it. Vasectomy is booked. He's not looking forward to it obviously, but he's going to do it anyway because he's not a selfish man-child.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 15/06/2019 11:10

I know someone who has long term pain from a vasectomy. I believe he was told that it occurred in 6% of men but god knows where these stats come from... it's been pretty debilitating to him; they have no sex life now, but his wife didn't find childbirth easy either and has only just resolved prolapse issues that she struggled with for years.

I'm not affected by hormonal contraception and I'm quite happy on it for now, but I don't know what we'll do about this once we've had our children. I shouldn't think I'm a great candidate for sterilisation due to other issues. We'll talk it out, I guess! I hope you find something that suits you both, OP Thanks

RussianSpamBot · 15/06/2019 11:26

Wow, how rude and utterly lacking in insight. Are you always this tone deaf?

Lots of people don’t like how hormonal contraception impacts their body. Nothing wrong with trying to find ways of preventing pregnancy without it.

You do realise you've completely misread my post LaurieFairyCake?

Whosorrynow · 15/06/2019 11:33

As long as the poor menz don't have to worry about anyone going near their willy
but the penis is God we must all bow down before it and sacrifice ourselves to serve it

perplexedagain · 15/06/2019 11:37

What's wrong with condoms? Seriously?

Original poster
ILoveEurovision · 15/06/2019 11:39

If I'm truthful, DH has done some spectacularly selfish stuff during the pregnancy and after our son was born, so I'm less inclined to sacrifice my own desires now and just have the pill to make him happy.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread