To think our financial situation is not so terrible

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DH is very despairing about money / our financial situation. Around us, in his family people are quite wealthy and have benefited from house price rises and good final salary pension schemes (e.g. in high up positions in police or civil service for example) and have taken early retirement at 55. So, I think this maybe has skewed things a little.

We have had a difficult tile since having DC, career wise. I have postgraduate qualifications but had to leave career due to health and now am on PIP / ESA. he also has good qualifications but the place he worked for went under when our first DC (we have two) was little. This meant he went self employed, also partly due to a long term health condition.

A few years later we are on quite a low income. Quite different to his peers. However, we have some good things as well. In terms of assets the mortgage will be paid off next year. House has risen by over 400K since we bought it. A pension pot of around 55K we can access in 3 years. Also may have a reasonable inheritence although are not really thinking of that.

AIBU in thinking things could be a lot worse? I know the health problems are not good but at least I got the PIP. The children are getting older as well and more independent. We have around 15K saved for each of them with their child trust funds when they are 18.

Things are never easy but AIBU in thinking things could be worse / this is not such a terrible situation as he thinks.

What does he think is so terrible? Are you sure he's not really feeling upset about the health/career situation rather than finances? Financially you sound fine.

Yes you sound quite well off compared to many, you have a huge asset in the house, you could release that money if you needed it. And you will be able to retire young because you will have no mortgage.

But it doesn't matter what anyone else has - waste time comparing yourself to others and you will always feel badly off. Be happy with what you have and you will have a much better life.

I think it a combination of seeing e.g. his dad and brother in law with mortgages paid off, plus having these secure final salary pension schemes, along with feeling a bit out of control with the health conditions and the less secure nature of his self employment and the constant PIP assessments for me. (although at last they have now given a 5 year award). If it was just one of us with health issues might be easier I guess. But he has no alternative comparison with others situations.

Sorry to hear about your illness but the rest of your post reads like a massive stealth boast from where I'm sitting.

Your dh should look at How the other half live. Not just a little pocket of wealth in his family.

It does not feel like a huge asset, as all the prices around here are a similar price. DC will no doubt want to stay in the area also. But yes I guess it could be an option to be able to move elsewhere. Thanks.
Glad to hear is not so bad, he is very worried at times and I try to reassure him.

A just about mortgage free house worth £400k plus whatever you paid for it? Yup, of course it could be a lot worse. This gives you the option of downsizing and/moving to a cheaper area and releasing a lot of capital. Many people don't have that security.

Having the mortgage paid off is a massive advantage, lots of ppl are stuck in rented accommodation even at retirement.

I'm sorry it was not meant to be a stealth boast. In our city, we seem pretty poor to be honest.

I'm also struggling with this. You will be mortgage freee in a year, live in a high value house, have a pension of 55k accessible in three years. He earns, you have pip for five years.

It seems like a boast to me also.

You will probably find that most people in your city cannot afford a property like yours so will be paying hundreds of pounds a month in rent, so even if your income is not high on paper, once your mortgage is paid off, your disposable income will probably be well above average.

If you open your eyes properly, there is bound to be many many people less comfortable in a monetary sense than you.

You're right, we could not afford to rent here, I know that. We should be more grateful really.

Personally I'd be concerned about only 55k in a pension pot if you are in your 50s and don't have other pensions. Though I realise i will probably get flamed for that here...

But maybe you will be in a position to downsize/move to a cheaper area and take some equity from the house?

More fundamentally though, comparing yourself to other people is never useful. However well of you are, there will be others who are better. You sound as if you have a much more healthy attitude.

Are there actually decisions he wants to make about spending or earning that are different from you? Or is he just complaining and worrying?

I don't think it's a terrible situation as you have nearly paid off your mortgage and have the possibility of moving to a cheaper area/smaller property and freeing up a chunk of cash.
Your pension pot of 55K won't buy very much in terms of an annuity, but assume you are also both eligible for a state pension?
I think your dh's view is skewed by what is happening in his family. The days of gold plated final salary schemes are long gone for most employees today.

If it's a £55k pot, ratther than a £55k annual pension, that is quite low and won't provide much of a pension. But it's understandable, given your ill health and employment history.

Someone with a final salary pension built up when earning even an average salary of £30k will have a pension equivalent to a pot worth hundreds of thousands of pounds.

Agree that it's never good to compare yourself with others, especially when you only seem to notice those who appear to have more than you. Retirement at age 55 is far from the norm these days.

The best thing to do is make the best of your own assets, income and watching out for careless expenditure meaning that you don't really get value when you spend so you don't appreciate it.

Tend to agree with @irregularegular. Your house is a fantastic asset, but the pension pot would niggle me. I helped my dad organise his finances at retirement a couple of years ago. He was entitled to top up state pension, and had a retirement pot of £40k as a single man with his small flat mortgage free and a very modest lifestyle.

He is financially struggling on what he has.

Maybe your health he’s worried about really?
Doesn’t sound bad financially. Presumably you’ll sell up and downsize - you’re fortunate to have the mortgage nearly paid off and can move somewhere cheaper. A mortgage pot of 55k is very low and won’t go far but if you sell the house, but cheaper and invest wisely you’ll be ok

buy cheaper

Comparison is the theif of joy.
I am early 50s. Compared to some I have done well, compared to others not. Esp in terms of pension. My peer group from school ranges from paid off mortgage and able to retire in 3 years to mortgage running to 70.
However what binds us together is our common childhood and efforts put in. Now we are not so concerned about how much pension but actually making it to pension age and finding a way of making the most of that time together.

I think people make a mistake including a house as an asset. It isn't an asset it is your home. Selling it will just transfer responsibility to something else (e.g buying another house or long term renting) you can't reasonably live off the proceeds indefinitely.

I can totally understand where your husband is coming from. With ill health your earning potential is limited I would worry about that too. You don't mention your ages but is that £55k pension between the both of you? if so that is nowhere near enough to retire on.

I would suggest you both go along to a financial planner and discuss a long term plan.

You are hardly poor or struggling, so for your DH to be "despairing" is a bit ridiculous.

Yes, your mortgage pot could be bigger, however you DO have options.

Ie to sell the house after retirement and move somewhere cheaper. If you CHOOSE not to, that is of course fine, but you can't sit in a high value property in an expensive area with a paid off mortgage, but complain you are broke. You have options.

You may be competing yourself with people who have a lot more but you are doing very very well compared to most of the population. Your house has risen by 400,000. So it is worth much more than that and the mortgage will be paid off soon. I think where you live has warped his perspective. Most people in the UK will never own houses worth that much. I think it would be frightening having both of you with health problems as it makes the future more uncertain but as you have said at least you have been found eligible for PIP. I think you are right to not waste energy worrying about your finances. If you need money you could sell your house and move elsewhere. You could downsize at the same time and release 600,000 or more depending on just how valuable your property is. That is financial security.

Comparing yourself not competing yourself

Agree. You have choices. It sounds like with both of you having health problems and on a low income, it’s unrealistic to think you can stay in your current home forever. But you don’t need to. Once the children are off, you can sell up and move somewhere cheaper. You’ll need to be careful about how you invest the profit you’ve made from your house because that’s what you’re going to be living off for perhaps many years, as you don’t have a good pension pot and neither of you is earning highly now. But it’s totally doable

A pension pot of £55,000 is practically worthless. I can understand why your husband is so worried .

Oh I misread, if it's. Pension pot that's different.