To think our financial situation is not so terrible

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DH is very despairing about money / our financial situation. Around us, in his family people are quite wealthy and have benefited from house price rises and good final salary pension schemes (e.g. in high up positions in police or civil service for example) and have taken early retirement at 55. So, I think this maybe has skewed things a little.

We have had a difficult tile since having DC, career wise. I have postgraduate qualifications but had to leave career due to health and now am on PIP / ESA. he also has good qualifications but the place he worked for went under when our first DC (we have two) was little. This meant he went self employed, also partly due to a long term health condition.

A few years later we are on quite a low income. Quite different to his peers. However, we have some good things as well. In terms of assets the mortgage will be paid off next year. House has risen by over 400K since we bought it. A pension pot of around 55K we can access in 3 years. Also may have a reasonable inheritence although are not really thinking of that.

AIBU in thinking things could be a lot worse? I know the health problems are not good but at least I got the PIP. The children are getting older as well and more independent. We have around 15K saved for each of them with their child trust funds when they are 18.

Things are never easy but AIBU in thinking things could be worse / this is not such a terrible situation as he thinks.

If you are struggling on your income now then you will struggle far more on state pension. I reiterate my earlier point. you need to get independent financial advise on pension planning.

We have young teens now though they cost a lot!

Yes your expenses should be low in retirement with no mortgage and no longer supporting children.

I'm sure you have enough to get by. Just probably not enough for a luxurious retirement (like many of us)!

I'm not sure about struggling we get by OK, probably no worse than others. Need to keep an eye on things. I know people who have moved here from e.g. London and they struggle too, even on high salaries. It is a high cost of living. Mainly housing costs. We make the best of things.

Our home is fairly modest in comparison to others in the area- it is just the location.

If there are cheaper locations - moving could be a huge benefit you can buy a house more suited to retirement as well as releasing money to live off.

Just read your OP again. What’s clear is that you’re living in the same area as your dhs family, but they’ve all got higher paying careers with good pensions etc. As others have said, comparison is the thief of joy. It just makes so much sense for you to move to a cheaper area so you won’t be having this constant comparison in your face.

Just to give an example: one of my siblings earns twice what I do. Does it bother me? No. I’m happy with what I earn, dh is happy with his earnings and we live in a location we’re happy with but doesn’t cost the earth. If I lived along the road from my high earning sibling it would bother me. It’s hard to be the ‘poor relation’.

The one big thing no one is talking about here is your health.
There is no way you can be wealthy etc... on one average salary or on PIP.
You also can’t compare yourself to civil servants etc.. why have a final salary pension. There are very few people Who those nowadays.

For comparaison, we are in a similar position (I’m ill and DH is working).
No final salary pension here but a company pension with about £60k after full time employment since leaving uni and progressing in his career. I have nothing.
Mortgage nowhere finished even though we have paid more on it over the years. But the asset with the house is small compare to yours (about £200k).
Compare to people around us (very different area!) we are ‘well off’ even though we are still nearly as careful as you are re expenditure.

Basically you are comparing yourself to another area (parents) or to people who have had much less issues (incl no health issues).
So it looks like you are struggling compare to them when you are probably about in the middle re financial safety.

I agree that your big asset is your house and it’s going to give you some security you wouldn’t have otherwise.

Ok yes I agree. Thing is DCs school are here but when they have left that tie would change.

I also agree about the family thing. My own family are not well off at all, and would never be able to own a home so I see things differently and DH and may be why I see it differently.

About PIP- well you can be a millionaire and claim PIP - it is not means tested. Cont based ESA also. neither are means tested benefits

Yes ComeandDance I see what you mean, it is not easy is it. I think it seems quite hard for any family to feel very secure these days, and illness just adds to it. It just happens to be we see these retiring with e.g. police pension or civil service and they are on 2/3 of their pay for ever! (something like that anyway) and seems a it taken for granted. But most of us are not.

It's easy to see others and think "poor me" but you are right, you need perspective. Once the mortgage is paid off that's one less bill, and if he can continue working past state pension age you can defer starting payments which results in a higher payment each month when you do take it (my dad deferred to 70). At the moment I like many are trying to work out how to afford the mortgage next month!

When your mortgage finishes next year, would you be able to transfer the payments to your pension pot instead? This wouldn't affect your current lifestyle.
You're both still a while away from retirement age so even a few years of paying in could make a difference and reassure your DH.

I don't have a pension pot. I think to be honest the pot is made of payments from when he worked for the previous employer, not sure if he is making any now. I could try putting aside a bit of the PIP I suppose, perhaps.

Some options also for income in retirement could be having lodgers when the DC have left. before DC we had two and that paid the mortgage. Or young students. Friend does this and paid £200 a week- thunk provides meals for them. We could manage that. Of if DC home and working, they could pay some rent.

Or, we could sell and move into a smaller property. It would all be based on what is best for the DC I guess.

Or- we could possibly rent cheaply / travel and let our home out for holiday lets I guess!

You should be aiming for at least £500k each . £55K between 2 is not enough to live on.

Yeah, because everyone can achieve that

Moving when your children have finished school is a very sensible and realistic thing to consider doing. It's not the absolute ideal best of all possible worlds, because the kids would probably like to come "home" from university and their lives wherever they build them to see old friends, but really that's just a luxury item, not a basic requirement to rule out all other options!

I hate to be brutal, but are your health conditions associated with reduced life expectancy?

It's all very well everyone being punctilious about your lack of appropriate pension pot, but do you realistically expect to live to be 85+ ? If your health conditions are life limiting you might plan more realistically to sell up and move to Cumbria [insert pleasant area of the UK where affordable houses can be found due to lack of jobs in the area not to high crime rates and unpleasant surroundings]] and live off your £400,000 profit.

If you have £200,000 to buy a house outright you can have £20,000 tax free to live on for 20 years - perfectly doable with a nice but not extravagant quality of life for a retired couple in an affordable area with low council tax and no rent or mortgage!

It's a gamble on length of life though! Especially when deciding when to make the move - when your husband turns 65 might be sensible more than when he turns 60, as you are several years younger.

I quite fancy a chalet in the Highlands of Scotland - on the market for under 50K

No probably not (life expectancy) - unpredictable though. Autoimmune type things. / and other (bit outing as unusual)

I guess there is really no point in bemoaning our lack of large pension now given that with our income and self employment etc there is no way we can really improve that even if we started now.

Guess best way forward to focus on other retirement options / future options. Only other things is maybe best to stay in centre in retirement due to being close to things / can't drive. Also hospital and GPs. But would still be possible to downsize from larger to smaller I guess.

There is also the possibility DH's self employment may pay well as it is quite well paid...just depends on health really. I mean it might turn out really well or not at all.

Good point about health / life expectancy though. What point a good reasonable annuity for life if you aren't there to spend it

anothernotherone speaks sense

OP it’s pointless looking enviously at people with gold plated pensions... apart from anything else they’ll have paid shed loads into them over the years working full time. I’ve paid literally hundreds into my pension every month and worked full time all my career apart from when my kids were really tiny (though worked part time then, never gave up work) Life does throw curve balls at us all too like illness etc as you know which makes things tougher.

But really I think you’re misdiagnosing the issue and the reality is somewhere between your dh who seems to think you’re in dire financial straits (you’re not) and you who thinks you’ll be fine as you are (you won’t long term unless you change the situation, but as others have pointed out, downsizing in a few years is a real option for you.)

Only other things is maybe best to stay in centre in retirement due to being close to things / can't drive. Also hospital and GPs. But would still be possible to downsize from larger to smaller I guess.

We're in a small city with good transport links into centre, walkable for us, next town along- and accessible country side. Shops and GP less than 5 minutes walk - chemist as well - couple of walkable supermarkets nearby.

It would be a good retirement house- downstairs loo and shower – but we’ll likely have to move on when kids finish school for work reasons

Where IL is 10 small town increasingly good transport links and GP 10-minute walk away.

www.zoopla.co.uk/discover/featured-homes/top-10-most-affordable-places-to-live/#m0Qir2cjTxokEQp0.97 – we areein none o these area but gives some idea how prices vary.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-23234033 could also give an idea.

Wouldn’t take any of it as gospel but worth having a think for the future – especially when kids have left home.