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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think our financial situation is not so terrible

71 replies

user87382294757 · 14/06/2019 09:22

DH is very despairing about money / our financial situation. Around us, in his family people are quite wealthy and have benefited from house price rises and good final salary pension schemes (e.g. in high up positions in police or civil service for example) and have taken early retirement at 55. So, I think this maybe has skewed things a little.

We have had a difficult tile since having DC, career wise. I have postgraduate qualifications but had to leave career due to health and now am on PIP / ESA. he also has good qualifications but the place he worked for went under when our first DC (we have two) was little. This meant he went self employed, also partly due to a long term health condition.

A few years later we are on quite a low income. Quite different to his peers. However, we have some good things as well. In terms of assets the mortgage will be paid off next year. House has risen by over 400K since we bought it. A pension pot of around 55K we can access in 3 years. Also may have a reasonable inheritence although are not really thinking of that.

AIBU in thinking things could be a lot worse? I know the health problems are not good but at least I got the PIP. The children are getting older as well and more independent. We have around 15K saved for each of them with their child trust funds when they are 18.

Things are never easy but AIBU in thinking things could be worse / this is not such a terrible situation as he thinks.

OP posts:
Jaxhog · 14/06/2019 10:21

“Comparison Is the Thief of Joy” Theodore Roosevelt

It truly doesn't matter how you are relative to anyone else. As long as you have enough to live your life and a bit to fall back on should times get hard - that's all that matters.

Work12 · 14/06/2019 10:27

Poor Husband. Sorry about any ill health but he needs to be shaken, so hes not as rich as close family and friends boohoo god knows how he'd cope renting and scraping by month to month wondering how he will afford to feed his family but yet here he is-almost mortgage free, savings for yourself and savings for each child. Brat. I would literally be ashamed of myself feeling sorry for myself over this

Whatthefoxgoingon · 14/06/2019 10:29

I think people make a mistake including a house as an asset. It isn't an asset it is your home.

It certainly is an asset if you can sell, downsize to something cheaper and release hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of pounds to live off. We could live for many decades off our house frankly! People’s houses are often their most valuable asset.

Original poster
user87382294757 · 14/06/2019 10:29

Thanks- yes it is the pension pot which is a worry. However I feel that having the mortgage paid of next year, will mean even on a low income at least we won't have that to worry about. Our home is fairly modest in comparison to others in the area- it is just the location. So it feels not-wealthy, if you see what I mean. I shop for clothes in Primark, or sometimes M & S for school. Look for bargains in the supermarket for things which are near the sell by date. My own family growing up always struggled day to day, as well and I feel this will now continue with the low pension (yes it is between us). We also have a high council tax bill to say as well, due to the area. But the DH are settled in schools etc. Which means staying here for the next 8 years at least, and DH is already over 50 (I am 43)

The worst comes to the worse, I guess he could claim PIP too (if his condition worsened) or carers for me, and we would get by. We would manage.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 14/06/2019 10:31

Have you both paid in enough NI to get state pensions?

What would £55,000 in a pension pot get you pa when you retired?

Tinkobell · 14/06/2019 10:37

Comparison is the thief of happiness. The most valuable asset out of everything you've described to me are your relationships and DC's. Take up a new hobby together. Stop this toxic preoccupation. Enjoy your lovely home happy in the knowledge that you don't have a mortgage the size of Mars (I do, I owe £1.6M on a house - sleep with that). If he can't do this, the biggest threat that I see to your futures are depression - and that's a tough one.

Oneminuteandthenallgone · 14/06/2019 10:40

a pension of 55k accessible in three years

You should be aiming for at least £500k each . £55K between 2 is not enough to live on.

Original poster
user87382294757 · 14/06/2019 10:40

I had a check online on the pension checker service, it says you can take amounts off the pot, so say 5 or 10K, so I guess could take 5K each year for 11 years. Around then we would possibly inherit (DH parents in late 70s and also have equity in home nearby- although not counting in this due to care costs etc) or yes we would both get the state pension. I checked by state pension online and as worked previous to ESA, got credits then and now, get class 1 due to child benefit and ESA. DH pays NI conts due to being self employed.

OP posts:
Oneminuteandthenallgone · 14/06/2019 10:42

£1500 pension a year

Original poster
user87382294757 · 14/06/2019 10:42

You are right Tinkobell. All swings and roundabouts.

OP posts:
Original poster
user87382294757 · 14/06/2019 10:44

A friend has a good person, but also has a mortgage to pay off for years. So I guess will be using the pension to pay the mortgage. So I guess at least we won't have that.

OP posts:
Original poster
user87382294757 · 14/06/2019 10:44

pension I meant

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 14/06/2019 10:45

Please don't take money out of your pension pot! There's absolutely no guarantee you'll inherit. Your parents might need to be in a home for years.

Original poster
user87382294757 · 14/06/2019 10:46

We might need to though Hollow.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 14/06/2019 10:47

The most obvious thing would be to move somewhere else where you could buy a house for £150K or so, and use the rest of the money to live on.

MRex · 14/06/2019 10:49

£55k won't go far at all, that's £2750/ year for two people to live on!

State pension - you need to know how much you both will get to see if you can get by or not. I don't know how much this is because we assume we can't rely on it as it might be reduced or means tested for my age group before we get to retirement.

Original poster
user87382294757 · 14/06/2019 10:50

If we moved to where I am from, we could do that. But DH's family are around here. I guess, at least we do not need to worry about the mortgage or the home being taken away, from next year which is a real relief. And as a last resort, we could move. So having a plan in that way is helpful.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 14/06/2019 10:57

You really can't rely on inheritance. It could go on care homes.

The pension is a real concern and your husband is right to worry here. I'd be working out the state entitlement and planning ahead now.

BarbaraofSevillle · 14/06/2019 11:01

You could also look at equity release when you are older if you don't want to downsize or move to a cheaper area.

I believe that there are safeguards in place that mean that this isn't the terrible solution that it used to be, so something to consider if you otherwise don't have sufficient retirement income.

Gatoadigrado · 14/06/2019 11:02

You’d be mad to take chunks out of your pension pot!
Tbh you’re very lucky to have made a profit on your house; by far the best plan is to sell up, buy cheap and invest the money wisely. Get some sound financial advice. The fact you’re even considering just taking 55k in chunks over 5 years and expecting that to sort you out is very worrying

Gatoadigrado · 14/06/2019 11:03

I’d run a mile from equity release schemes.

blue25 · 14/06/2019 11:05

I would be very worried about that pension. It's a very small pot. Your expenses should be low in retirement though with no mortgage.

It all depends what kind of retirement you want. Will you be happy 'just managing' with no holidays etc. or will you want some treats and luxuries.

Original poster
user87382294757 · 14/06/2019 11:08

Yes I guess it is best to keep the pension in place, as long as possible? And also, if we had any benefits at the time it may impact on that also (DH not keen on benefits but may be a thing to think of also).

In terms of equity release I would be very wary of that. Not keen.

We are pretty good at doing stuff with little, as we have managed like that for a while. Would prefer to keep any assets for the DC, as much as possible.

OP posts:
Original poster
user87382294757 · 14/06/2019 11:12

Yes well this situation is not through choice, we can't predict when a combination of health and work can throw you- none of us know what the future may hold.

OP posts:
Gth1234 · 14/06/2019 11:13

it's all comparative isn't it.

Reasonably well off objectively, but not comparatively, and not where you thought you would be given your talents.

People won't understand it's not such a good place.

Re-evaluate when you are both in receipt of state retirement pension. Depends what your DH self-employment is, as to whether he can carry on longer with that.

Good luck