I have been separated from my ex since September of last year (very amicable split). In January I got together with an old friend that DD had met before a few times and really liked.
DP moved up to Yorkshire to be near us in March, into his own rental around the corner. He comes round once a week when DD is here and otherwise, we see each other when DD is at her dad's (she goes to him on a weekend).
My DD is currently being assessed for Aspergers/ASD. Though school, Ex and I, and the Drs we have seen all think that she has it. As a result, DD is incredibly literal.
Today, I am unwell. DP went and collected DD from school for me as a favour and brought her home. On the way, he told her he had a present for her that he would give her when they got home.
So they arrive home, DP goes to make me a cup of tea and DD asks "where is my present?". As I was upstairs, I heard DP saying "Actually, that is pretty rude to ask for a present". I came down and backed him up and said it was, and that you should always wait for presents to be offered. DD became furious because in her eyes, she had just taken him literally. That she would get a present as soon as she got home. She also has a hard time knowing what is rude when she is (in her mind) asking a perfectly logical question. I have explained this to DP, and he has spent ages researching ASD, so he knows, but yet said something anyway. I am not sure if this is unfair or not?
DP has a tendency to joke a lot. He was telling DD that a certain knife, he had blunted for her so she can use it safely. He then pretended to cut himself on it. DD burst into tears and ran off, and is now scared of the knife.
I explained to DP that DD cannot get his jokes. She is literal and he apologised to her. She said she would never forgive him (she is also a drama queen as she is 8 going on 27!). He has now left.
My question is, what do I do? I am exhausted at trying to get these two to understand each other. I love my DP very much, and I know that DD does like him deep down, but she is constantly upset with him due to how he is.
In hindsight, I should have waited much longer before introducing him as a DP rather than friend. I know that now. But how do I move forwards positively? Do I stop contact between them (but then they will never learn each others ways). Do we just persevere as it is?
DD has been open in saying that she wants me an DP to get married at some point. But that also she wants me and her dad back together. To me, this means she needs consistency as she is clearly confused. Please help me know what to do?
Please Don't pile on. I am trying my hardest and feel torn in two ways. But aside from the ASD, my DD can act like a brat sometimes and want her own way a lot. My ex gives into her and I don't (one of the reasons for the split).
I just want everyone to be happy and get on.