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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think if your child has chickenpox, the last thing you should do is take them to a pre-schooler birthday party?

29 replies

GrapefruitIsGross · 13/06/2019 12:07

Totally prepared to be told I’m being a bit hysterical here.

DNephew is turning 4 and SIL is hosting a birthday party complete with bouncy castle at the weekend. We were looking forward to going and letting feral DD 20 months burn off some energy and seeing all the in-laws.

MIL let us know last night that DH’s cousin is coming, along with her two boys. The younger is about 10 and has chicken pox at the moment. MIL gave us a heads up that he will have the blisters but they’ll have crusted over by then, so won’t be contagious.

I’m very hesitant about going now- apart from how much of a nightmare it would be dealing with a toddler with chickenpox, we also have DS 11 weeks and I’m conscious how serious it can be for small babies.

AIBU to think that it’s a bit selfish to bring your chicken poxy dc to a child’s party where you know there will definitely be small kids there? Or am I being a bit paranoid?

OP posts:
Teddybear45 · 13/06/2019 12:10

it’s not your party. If your sil is okay with this then the only thing you can do is not bring your kids.

blackteasplease · 13/06/2019 12:10

Depends if it's true that they will have crusted over I guess!

Yugi · 13/06/2019 12:11

If they are definitely crusted over then he is not contagious anymore.
However, it sounds like they are just assuming they will be crusted over, in which case I wouldn't be happy about it.

endofthelinefinally · 13/06/2019 12:11

Not paranoid at all. Chicken pox can be very dangerous for small babies and IS very dangerous for anyone who might be pregnant.
I am immunosuppressed and I am so annoyed with the sheer numbers of people who take their chicken poxy children out on public transport.
One of my dc was very ill for 3 weeks with CP.

georgie262 · 13/06/2019 12:26

They can go to nursery once they're crusted over so I'd say YABU but if they haven't fully crusted he could still be contagious so it depends I guess

Original poster
GrapefruitIsGross · 13/06/2019 12:27

@endofthelinefinally that’s another concern- my mum has just finished her treatment for cancer, so one of the kids coming down with CP would mean her not being about see them, as well as the added stress worrying about if she’s going to catch it as well

OP posts:
janetforpresident · 13/06/2019 12:30

Yes agree with others it entirely depends if they have crusted over. I would let the hosts know that you won't be coming if the child with chicken pox is still contagious. Hopefully they feel the same as you anyway and the parent of the child has already said they will only come if they have crusted over.

I wouldn't be surprised if your mil has got he wrong end of the stick as most people wouldn't take a child with chicken pox to a party.

HiJenny35 · 13/06/2019 12:36

Especially with your mums situation personally I wouldn't go.

Wolfiefan · 13/06/2019 12:39

If they are definitely crusted over then it’s not an issue.

Minai · 13/06/2019 12:46

Not sure how your mil is so certain the spots will have crusted over by then. Sounds like she is intending to bring them either way. I don’t think I would go in that situation. Especially given you have a small baby and your mums treatment.

JustTwoMoreSecs · 13/06/2019 13:04

The attitude to CP is strange in this country, on one hand children are not vaccinated (ie they are expected to catch it) but then as soon as they have CP god forbid someone else catches it from them...

In other countries either they vaccinate (US) or they don’t (France for ex) but people try to have their DC catch it as toddlers by doing pox parties or playdates with infected children.

JustTwoMoreSecs · 13/06/2019 13:06

And before I am accused of not reading properly, I understand the issue with young babies / cancer patients, and obviously OP is right to try to avoid a poxy child.
My comment was more global, why is CP treated as a mild disease by the NHS and a very serious one by parents/schools?

TrumpIsATwat · 13/06/2019 13:18

Especially after your second post, just don't go. Not worth the risk. Also get the vaccine if you can. You can have it done in Boots.

Original poster
GrapefruitIsGross · 13/06/2019 13:20

I get what you mean JustTwo.

I wouldn’t be concerned about a slightly older child catching CP, as long as they were in good health.

I can’t keep them swamped in hazmat suits for their entire childhood- but this would literally be the worst time for one of them to come down with CP given our circumstances 🙈

OP posts:
IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 13/06/2019 13:22

I think it's selfish to take children with cp out in public - the cousin doesn't know if there will be of women at the party or people whose immunity is compromised or young babies. Good that mil gave you the heads up. I'd avoid the party.

TrumpIsATwat · 13/06/2019 13:23

@JustTwoMoreSecs It can be serious. Very serious. A good friend works in a childrens department of a hospital and she has seen how bad it can get. She advised me to get the DC vaccinated, which we did. She works for the NHS and she and her colleagues definitely do not see it as a mild illness.

It's not on the schedule because 1) Cost & 2) after that wanker Wakefield it wasn't though the public would be responsive to the MMRV vaccine.

TrumpIsATwat · 13/06/2019 13:24

*it wasn't thought

flossie86 · 13/06/2019 13:26

I wouldnt risk it but I am a worrier! I'd be too paranoid & definitely wouldnt chance it with a small baby x

JustTwoMoreSecs · 13/06/2019 13:37

Oh absolutely @TrumpIsATwat and I have vaccinated my DC but what I can't understand is that everybody is happy to not have a vaccine (ie it is not a dangerous disease, let's catch it) and at the same time is outraged if a poxy child comes in contact with their DC (ie what a dangerous disease, we must be protected from contagion).

GeorgiaGirl52 · 13/06/2019 13:39

In the USA chicken pox vaccine was added to the schedule last year at 12-18 months.

Quartz2208 · 13/06/2019 13:41

IF he has had them awhile and they are crusted over then in theory it would be fine so it seems like they are not being unreasonable

However with the cancer bit and young child I can see your viewpoint about not going

the problem is you could come in contact with one and not know. The day she fell ill with chicken pox (that evening started feeling unwell spots appeared the next day) DD went to a panto with loads of children. She probably infected a couple accidentally so it can be difficult to avoid. Hers appeared without being in contact with anyone she knew had it

mindutopia · 13/06/2019 13:50

I just wouldn’t go. It’s fine if they are crusted over, but how can you check?

My dd was playing with a child at the playground the other day with chicken pox. She has had it before so that was fine. The parents did come over to check with me first and assured me that he was no longer contagious and it was just the scabs. But I wouldn’t let my baby anywhere near him.

If my dd hadn’t had them though, we would have left. My mum also recently had cancer treatment and definitely no way I would have even considered it then. There will always be more birthdays.

TrumpIsATwat · 13/06/2019 13:55

@JustTwoMoreSecs It would be interesting if they could do an A/B test to see A) MMR B) MMRV and see.

I think there are probably a lot of parents that would take up the MMRV. In recent years there have been outbreaks of measles and people have died, so people are seeing that Wakefield was full of shit and the damage he has done, so where 10 years ago the MMRV wouldn't have been taken up, I think now people would be more open to it.
I find it very interesting.

amIstupid22 · 13/06/2019 13:55

All your concerns are based around the child having active contagious chicken pox. Once they are crusted over they are no longer contagious and are able to return to school/nursery/general public occasions. The fact the parents have said he will be crusted over by then means they are aware that stage is safe and I'd assume they wouldnt bring the child otherwise.

Both my DC recently had CP and the crusted over/looking spotty stage lasted weeks in itself for all the scabs to come off and even then they were still very "marked" so I felt the need to give a similar heads up whenever we went anywhere just so people knew they weren't contagious.

WishingILivedOnAnIsland · 13/06/2019 14:10

Selfish thoughtless appalling behaviour from your DH's cousin.

I would stay home if I were you, and I'd be pretty frank in telling my In-laws why.

How on earth can they know for sure their child won't be contagious by then? They are exposing everyone to risk, especially young people like your baby and immune compromised people like your Mum.