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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mum snatching toy of my DD

74 replies

Hellomatey001 · 13/06/2019 12:02

Here for advice really about playgroup etiquette.

I was at a playgroup today, it was all very nice at first. My 15 month old DD loves it there. Today there was a new mum with a young boy about 2. He is playing with a doll and then leaves it on a chair and wanders off. My DD goes and picks up the doll, the mum quick as a flash, snatches it off her and tells her "there are other dollies over there". My DD looks very upset, walks to one corner and has a cry. I consoled her and we played away from this mum and her son.

I saw this but didn't do anything choosing instead to move DD away. Naturally I'm upset at an adult who thinks snatching toys from a child is ok. The playgroup workers didnt spot anything at the time.

What would you do in a situation like that? I was a bit of a loss as I had never experienced anything like that before!

OP posts:
checkeredredshorts · 13/06/2019 12:08

Assuming it was definitely playground property I would have asked the parent why my child couldn't play with the doll!?

lucymegan · 13/06/2019 12:10

Oh I would of had to of said something and snatched it back off her. That's nasty. What a bitch 😤

Original poster
Hellomatey001 · 13/06/2019 12:13

It was playground property. Think she wanted to keep it for her son as he had shown interest in it.

Thought I'd have to deal with snatchy toddlers not adults!

OP posts:
georgie262 · 13/06/2019 12:14

I don't think I would've got worked up at that to be honest. Maybe she anticipated he'd have been upset and she just couldn't take one more tantrum. As a mum of 3 I've been there. Never snatched a toy off a child though. I always just assume people are having a bad day. Your baby won't be scarred and probably won't remember it in a few days.

Limpshade · 13/06/2019 12:15

I think what you do is exactly what you did do: ignore it, inwardly roll your eyes and distract your kid. At 15 months she'll have forgotten about it in a minute!

Who knows what was going through her mind. As grating as it was, move on.

MummBraTheEverLeaking · 13/06/2019 12:16

Yep, she's a bitch! Once the playgroup toy gets put down (and child goes off as well) it's free, that's the etiquette.

Kko1986 · 13/06/2019 12:20

If you see her in the playgroup again if she behaves like that at the next session you should either speak to her or the people running the session.
Either today was a one off where she's stressed not an excuse but if she continues this attitude someone needs to say something.

Lizzie48 · 13/06/2019 12:21

That was entitled behaviour on the mum's part, and definitely not a good example to be giving her DS. At that age, she should be training her DS not to snatch, not doing it herself.

Not worth taking it to heart, though, OP.

CassianAndor · 13/06/2019 12:23

I would shrug it off, move on and not start a thread about it on MN.

MadamMMA · 13/06/2019 12:28

Good for you @CassianAndor Hmm

CassianAndor · 13/06/2019 12:30

The OP asked what people would do in that situation. I responded. What's your problem?

Amibeingdaft81 · 13/06/2019 12:42

What would you do in a situation like that?

Honestly, bugger all. And not because I’m a walk over, far from it. Just pick your battles and this isn’t going to get your anywhere, just cause drama

Original poster
Hellomatey001 · 13/06/2019 12:43

Coming to a mums forum for advice on a playgroup issue? Perish the thought Cassian!!

OP posts:
Amibeingdaft81 · 13/06/2019 12:43

I would shrug it off, move on and not start a thread about it on MN

Essentially this.

Amibeingdaft81 · 13/06/2019 12:44

@Hellomatey001

The op asked what others would do
This poster responded

Antigon · 13/06/2019 12:45

She was a bitch but you need to develop a thicker skin. Next time she or anyone else tries it just say that the toys are for sharing and she can't hold on to them for her child.

You don't need to be 'non-confrontational'.

Antigon · 13/06/2019 12:46

The op asked what others would do
This poster responded

The jibe about not starting a thread on MN was hardly necessary was it? How mean.

TixieLix · 13/06/2019 12:48

I'd have done exactly what you did and let it slide this time. If she's at group again next week and does something similar, then I'd be telling her firmly it's not acceptable to snatch a toy away from my child.

MorondelaFrontera · 13/06/2019 12:48

a bitch"? really?

Kids need to learn to share, they also need to learn that if you drop something you lose it and someone else will snatch it. Hers is probably at the stage where he hasn't mastered that, and she was keen on avoiding a tantrum.

He might have waiting for ages to get that toy in the first place.

At most, I would have told my kid -loudly enough - that's it's very rude not to share and to find something else. And move on.

RedSkyLastNight · 13/06/2019 12:49

This reminds me of a situation at a play event where a toddler was painting. The toddler wandered off, so my DC (who were younger school age) started using the paint. The toddler wandered back and their parent demanded that my DC gave the paint back. DD (quite sensibly I thought) suggested that there were plenty of brushes and they could all share the paint, but mother insisted that this was not acceptable, my DC were wrong to take the paint even though her child wasn't using it and it should have been clear that her child was coming back.

She then had the gall to say to her toddler in a passive aggressive way "Let's go and do something else; some children are just not very nice" at which point I did feel obliged to jump in and point out just how UR she was being. She still blamed it on my DC who apparently should have known better because they were older.

Some parents just expect the world to revolve around their precious offspring.

janetforpresident · 13/06/2019 12:50

I think you did the right thing. If my child was older I would perhaps have felt I had to say something for their benefit although I would have hated doing it. At this age they forget and you and this woman could have been arguing over a doll that neither child wanted to play with.

The woman is stupid for doing it and storing up problems for her son if she doesn't encourage him to share and take turns, that's one of the great things about playgroups.

MadamMMA · 13/06/2019 12:51

The addition of ‘I wouldn’t start a thread’ is petty imo, you clearly know th OP is asking what would you do in regards to the snatching mum not your opinion on what is worthy as a topic

MadamMMA · 13/06/2019 12:52

The mum was in the wrong but you were right to just steer your child away and just be grateful you are not her, plenty of drama in the world already

janetforpresident · 13/06/2019 12:53

Hers is probably at the stage where he hasn't mastered that, and she was keen on avoiding a tantrum

Sorry but that's lazy parenting. It's essentially saying I'm tired today so I am not going to encourage sharing and taking turns I'll just let him have what he wants when he wants it..

MissDollyMix · 13/06/2019 12:59

When my DS was about 14 months old he was climbing on one of those little ELC type indoor climbing frames. An older toddler came up and a had a massive tantrum because she couldn't have it to herself. Instead of dealing with her own child, the mother of this child proceeded to pull my ds off the climbing frame and and plonk him on the floor away from it so that her DD could have free reign on the climbing frame. I was so shocked and angry I didn't do anything at the time, but many many years later I still often see this mother around and I still remember what she did! I'm not sure what the point to my story is really, just that parents should watch their own behaviour at playgroups because it could turn out that you might know these other people for years! I can forgive a toddler for tantruming but less another parent for being an idiot.