Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mum snatching toy of my DD

74 replies

Hellomatey001 · 13/06/2019 12:02

Here for advice really about playgroup etiquette.

I was at a playgroup today, it was all very nice at first. My 15 month old DD loves it there. Today there was a new mum with a young boy about 2. He is playing with a doll and then leaves it on a chair and wanders off. My DD goes and picks up the doll, the mum quick as a flash, snatches it off her and tells her "there are other dollies over there". My DD looks very upset, walks to one corner and has a cry. I consoled her and we played away from this mum and her son.

I saw this but didn't do anything choosing instead to move DD away. Naturally I'm upset at an adult who thinks snatching toys from a child is ok. The playgroup workers didnt spot anything at the time.

What would you do in a situation like that? I was a bit of a loss as I had never experienced anything like that before!

OP posts:
katewhinesalot · 13/06/2019 13:02

I'd probably have been at a loss as to what to say, like you op. Probably best to let it slide the first time but I'd say something next time or as a pp said I'd have said something passive aggressive within earshot, to my child if it was older and could understand the unfairness of it, just so that they knew I had their corner.

Mummyoflittledragon · 13/06/2019 13:03

I would feel the same as you. Be prepared for it happening again and telling the woman it is not acceptable to snatch off your dd. Clarify if she wants her ds to have exclusive use of a toy, he needs to either stay at home or bring his own. Talk to her like a toddler, she is acting like one “this is not how we behave here” Awful behaviour.

Original poster
Hellomatey001 · 13/06/2019 13:03

@MissDollyMix

That is horrible. Did the playgroup workers not intervene??

OP posts:
MorondelaFrontera · 13/06/2019 13:03

Sorry but that's lazy parenting.

yes, so what?

If you take your kids to playgroups, which are hell on earth let's be honest, instead of sending them to nursery, it's because you want to be around. Sometimes you help them out, huge deal.

I am not sure I would snatch a toy back from a child, but I can't get upset about someone who does. They still beat the ones who ignore their own kids and let them bully others or create mayhem.

Pinkmouse6 · 13/06/2019 13:05

Ugh she sounds awful, who does that? Her son put the toy down, he could’ve found the ‘other dollies’ if he wanted to. I think I’d have reacted how you did though, I’m not great at confrontation.

Gatehouse77 · 13/06/2019 13:17

I would shrug it off, move on and not start a thread about it on MN

Ditto

Beautiful3 · 13/06/2019 13:31

I would let it slide the first time then if she did it again I would say, "please don't snatch, its rude." And leave it at that.

Original poster
Hellomatey001 · 13/06/2019 13:32

@Gatehouse77

Oo errr. I will consult the MN Big Book of acceptable topics to post about next time.Grin

OP posts:
DuchessDarty · 13/06/2019 13:32

I would say “please don’t snatch from my child, just ask her or me for it”, then walked off to direct my child’s attention elsewhere.

I wouldn’t have been bothered about her wanting to keep the doll for her son as there were other dolls. But an adult modelling snatching to toddlers at a playgroup isn’t a good look.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 13/06/2019 13:38

I think I would let it slide on one occasion (while inwardly rolling my eyes and / or having a moan to my friends later!) If it was an issue again in future I would probably have a quiet word with the play leader, as it’s their job to deal with this stuff, and I wouldn’t want a confrontation with someone I might well see every week for the next few years..

Gatehouse77 · 13/06/2019 13:39

Hellomatey001

"What would you do in a situation like that?" was you question.
"I would shrug it off, move on and not start a thread about it on MN" is my answer.

You are inferring a negative judgement by me - it wasn't and isn't implied but a plain response.

Original poster
Hellomatey001 · 13/06/2019 13:41

@Gatehouse77

No problem. Thank you for clarifying. CakeSmile

OP posts:
Antigon · 13/06/2019 13:41

@MorondelaFrontera

Kids need to learn to share, they also need to learn that if you drop something you lose it and someone else will snatch it. Hers is probably at the stage where he hasn't mastered that, and she was keen on avoiding a tantrum.

How is the mum snatching the toy from another child going to help her child 'learn to share'? This makes zero sense. Confused

CassianAndor · 13/06/2019 13:42

OP - don't be silly. The point is that small things like this happen all the bloody time with kids and playgroups and all the rest of it.

Either you can make a big deal of it (and start a thread on MN which will make it an ever bigger deal) or you can shrug it off - and show your DD that's the best way to deal with it.

Getting touchy about it isn't going to help anyone.

AdobeWankenobi · 13/06/2019 13:42

If trivial things that bother us were no longer posted this would be a bloody quiet forum wouldn't it.
You did exactly the right thing OP, and if posting here for validation helps you with that, then again, you did exactly the right thing.

SleepingStandingUp · 13/06/2019 13:44

Probably apologised with an "oh I'm sorry, DD didn't realise it belinged to your son, she assumed it was a playgroup doll" and glared at her.

I'm not big on confrontation lol

Antigon · 13/06/2019 13:45

@CassianAndor

OP - don't be silly. The point is that small things like this happen all the bloody time with kids and playgroups and all the rest of it.

Either you can make a big deal of it (and start a thread on MN which will make it an ever bigger deal) or you can shrug it off - and show your DD that's the best way to deal with it.

Getting touchy about it isn't going to help anyone.

I don't think you could be any more patronising if you tried, Cassian.

It's not OP being silly here, it's you and Gatehouse. OP's AIBU was about the situation at the centre, not about her starting a thread. You would have to be spectacularly thick not to get that. Confused

MorondelaFrontera · 13/06/2019 13:45

Antigon

engage brain. Maybe he waited for the other toy to be free, learnt to share, but hasn't understood yet that dropping it will mean losing it. Sharing doesn't mean never having a go, don't you get that?

I don't know, or really care that much. It's a playgroup with toys. There will be a lot more reasons to get angry or upset in the future and to start threads on MN! This is only the beginning, it only get worst Grin

Nishky · 13/06/2019 13:46

Ignore the rude people telling you what you can and can’t post!

I think you did the right thing in distracting your dd, she will have forgotten it.

I do agree with pp that if the woman does it again then it may be time to say something

MorondelaFrontera · 13/06/2019 13:46

Antigon
you seem to take this thread a bit too seriously, chill out

A mum try to keep the toy her own kid wanted. Really, does it matter that much?

Antigon · 13/06/2019 13:47

engage brain. Maybe he waited for the other toy to be free, learnt to share, but hasn't understood yet that dropping it will mean losing it. Sharing doesn't mean never having a go, don't you get that?

This makes zero sense too. Can you engage your brain and clarify this?

I don't know, or really care that much. It's a playgroup with toys. There will be a lot more reasons to get angry or upset in the future and to start threads on MN! This is only the beginning, it only get worst

So your answer is to give advice that makes no sense? Confused

Antigon · 13/06/2019 13:48

you seem to take this thread a bit too seriously, chill out

You're the one commenting on a thread that you think should never have been started. So I think it's you that needs to chill out Confused

MorondelaFrontera · 13/06/2019 13:49

Antigon

yes, my advice is to chill out and not to take small things too seriously. You should try Smile

LettuceP · 13/06/2019 13:50

I'd have given her a funny look and moved dd along. Then felt sorry for her that she has to snatch off babies in order to "avoid a tantrum", she's not exactly setting herself up for an easy ride is she.

CassianAndor · 13/06/2019 13:51

Antigon - no, I don't think so. It's part and parcel of not making a big deal. I think it can be very easy in situations like this to think 'I'll just post this on MN' and before you know it something that would have been forgotten in 10 minutes is a thread several pages long. I don't think that's helpful - but it's easy to fall into that. I've done it myself.

I answered the OP's question. A couple of people agreed with me, a couple have taken exception.

Do you think my response is worse than posts calling the other mum a bitch, entitled, recommending snatching the toy back? Really? Well - that's up to you.