AIBU to say that if you work in child protection you shouldn't post pictures of yourself wanking at work in fetish gear?

[ArcheryAnnie]

People do all kinds of things in their private life, and - as long as it's all consensual, and involving adults, in private - that's absolutely fine with me. Even if it involves fetish stuff that I find deeply unsexy. It's your private time and your business.

But if you bring your fetish into work, that's really inappropriate. Involving other people in your kink without their consent is not OK.

If you bring your fetish into work and take time to entertain yourself in the loos with it, that's way, way beyond really inappropriate.

If you work in child protection campaigning, and bring your fetish into work, and take time to entertain yourself in the loos with it, and take a photo of yourself while doing it, and upload that photo onto the internet, then you probably need to consider whether a career in child protection is really for you.

(And if you are doing this while working on campaigns about abused and neglected children, you should not be surprised when people ask what made you so aroused.)

And dear NSPCC - who I used to have a direct debit to, and who used to be in my will - people objecting to this are not being homophobic or "bullying". Many of who are objecting to your staff member's actions are ourselves gay. We just seem to have a better grasp of safeguarding than you do.

In short, why not just say “at work”?

Still grubby, obvs.

'Sex should not be brought into the workplace'? Oh come ON - survey after survey shows that large numbers of people meet partners at work, and office flirtations/affairs are commonplace. These often include having sex in the workplace - working late, sneaking into the storecupboard, shagging on the boardroom table if the office party is held in the office rather than at a pub...

Photo shoots of the celebs doing good stuff for the kids often include cutesy pics of kids.
why do you think Saville was so involved in child charities?
Not saying the guy is a paedo AT ALL. But for anyone with those inclinations, a way into contact with children via someone with questionable boundaries is a godsend.

This is awful and if the whole picture is not being portrayed on the news then that's awful too.

I just don’t understand how this would be considered anything other than deeply disturbing. Sorry, I can’t understand how the fetish thing was linked to his LinkedIn and how was the video of him wanking linked to it all? Did he post this on another public profile?

It’s surely a reputational risk for the organisation.

How is wanking at work ever acceptable?

Videoing it clearly isn’t!

Wtf?!

Well, private wanking in a locked cubicle is OK I suppose and presumably goes on a lot?

If I posted any sexualised content online I'd be fired, regardless of the location of it and whether I'd used a personal email/social media account. How anyone is defending this I don't know.

On the NSPCC site, one of the first campaign messages is about the importance of children being Share Aware, and not posting personal material online. Looks as if some staff might also want to have a read.

In my line of work it would call into question my position with service users and my staff, like Eth the probation officer case a PP linked to. I think it would also fall under bringing the organisation into disrepute - gross misconduct

Utterly utterly grim.

And folk twisting themselves inside out trying to defend this behaviour?

And shouldn't he be like, working at work?

Tosser.

Those saying this isn't a safeguarding issue because no children were directly involved are missing the point.

The point is (and it's especially pertinent for the leading child protection org with statutory powers) that turning a blind eye to this sort of thing, lessening the boundaries of what is acceptable professional behaviour creates a culture that attracts people looking for easy targets and a place to hide in plain sight.

It's not really about this individual man and his fetish play it's about the wider implications for the culture being fostered at the NSPCC. The fact they appear not to recognise this and are calling everyone who is horrified by it bullies is very disturbing.

They should have got out in front of this immediately with a clear message that mixing work and sex is gross misconduct and unacceptable. They haven't.

I suspect they are more scared of the optics of disciplining/sacking a gay man during Pride month than they are of not upholding their core purpose and values as a child protection org. They are already on the back foot because of the Bergdorf debacle (caused by the poor decision of fetish guy to hire Bergdorf) and I imagine are currently running around like headless chickens.

This is deeply concerning because history has taught us if society creates a class of untouchable people, for whatever reason, some people will seek to be part of that for corrupt purposes (see Catholic Church).

I doubt he's a peado. but he's massively massively inappropriate and has no business working anywhere if that's how he behaves. I think his work in child protection is relevant only as I would assume it's a job which requires excellent judgement and the ability to make responsible decisions neither of which are skills he displays at all.

WeWantJustice
Perfect explanation.

Vile. Vile. Vile. And the NSPCC defending him ffs. YYY to grooming us all.

I agree that loads of people have or have had sexual encounters at work.

The only thing I see is that he 'got caught' because he decided to upload footage of himself doing it.

It's grubby, its not my thing but on the spectrum of human sexual behaviour I'm not sure I'd call him perverted.

Totally inappropriate yes. But even at this stage his employers have discretion regarding sacking him.

So he got dressed in his rubber stuff under his work clothes because it gave him a thrill
To work in a children’s charity
He then found it so thrilling he wanked in the bogs and then uploaded it to social media
At what point did he not think this is wrong

He didn't 'only' wank at work , he wore his rubber fetish gear under his work clothes. He's interacting with colleagues, other members of the public and involved them in his fetish without their consent. And actually hearing a man wanking next to me in the toilets (and filming it so potentially any sounds I make too) is far worse than hearing someone have a shit.

Oh I don’t mean he had a thrill to work in a children’s charity

I meant he went to his work in a children’s charity

It's ok up to the point he puts it online. As pp said, making porn at work (wanking, even filming for own use in private unsavoury but hey)
A seperate issue is his judgement about what's suitable in that job, if he is helping to recruit the next jimmy saville it's not ok. These ppl are role models. Similar argument when footballers sacked for blotting their copybook.

Wearing fetish gear under your clothes at work and gaining arousal from this is involving non consenting people in your kink against their knowledge and will.

This is a huge violation.

I say this as someone who is part of the BDSM scene. Most people I know (and everyone I would consider a friend) would say this is unacceptable. Consent is key and involving other people in you kink without their consent is totally immoral and wrong.

I'm questioning if a man dressing in his rubber suit under his workclothes (that people cannot see) very different from me as a woman wearing a g string, or no knickers, or crotchless panties even or just a set of suspenders and some fishnets under my skirt?

I think what a man does to feel 'sexy' can have the propensity to look abnormal.

I don't see a problem with him wearing sexy gear under workclothes if he's not involving anybody.

Some people like having sex in taboo places - parks where there's a high risk of being caught etc. The thing for me is tgat he uploaded it.

I don't see a problem with him wearing sexy gear under workclothes if he's not involving anybody.

The problem isn't him wearing these clothes, it's his decision to take photos of himself, showing his cock, and linking it to his workplace. Which is a children's charity.

Can you seriously not see the issue with this?

The point is (and it's especially pertinent for the leading child protection org with statutory powers) that turning a blind eye to this sort of thing, lessening the boundaries of what is acceptable professional behaviour creates a culture that attracts people looking for easy targets and a place to hide in plain sight

I think this puts it really clearly.

We know that the Savilles of this world "hid in plain sight." And every time an actual criminal sex offender is revealed, people throw up their hands and say "Why oh why?"

Well, it's a culture of male/masculine entitlement: entitlement to express & practice their sexuality in all sorts of situations and without consent of others.

If we don't call this out, it's going to happen again.

And we need to be able to be very specific about what is unsatisfatory about this particular case. It is not prudish, nor homophobic, to question an employee's actions with regard to any sexual/sexualised behaviour in the workplace.

Look at the way many large companies have strictures against workplace relationships etc etc.