Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why doesn't my friend say 'Thank you' and if you are one of those people who don't, why is that?!

68 replies

Elmo311 · 12/06/2019 23:36

Hi all ,

Just sitting here at 11:35pm still thinking about my friend who came over today.
I know she's struggling with cash, she is going to give birth next week too so I know the pressure is on. But I bought us both lunch today, and she never even said thanks?

I also bought her a gift for her DC and still no thank you?

She also said she had no Tiny Baby sleepsuits so I offered her some that my 10week old DC has grown out of now that she took ..... still nothing?

Am I a mug or what ?!

I would've definitely thanked her had it been the other way round!

OP posts:
OVAgroundWOMBlingfree · 12/06/2019 23:37

Has she always been this way?
If so then yep, you’re a mug and you need to stop being so nice to someone who is at best rude, at worst using you.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 12/06/2019 23:38

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Gruzinkerbell1 · 12/06/2019 23:39

She sounds incredibly rude. Manners cost nothing.

LadyVox · 12/06/2019 23:39

An old friend of mine is like this, she never says thank you- her ex called her out on it as he would constantly make her dinner and she never thanked him.

I asked her why- she said ‘it makes me feel awkward.’ I told her in no uncertain terms to get over it and stop being rude!

Could you ask your friend why?

Original poster
Elmo311 · 12/06/2019 23:45

I suppose I could ask her why but I suspect she may know it bothers me?!

A few years ago we had a massive argument because I got annoyed with her for never asking me how I am.... she's been better since though!

She's one of those people that no matter what, will always bring the conversation back to herself.

I could tell her that I am dying and she would say "I got rained on today, I felt like I was dying"

And I'd be like "no S , I'm seriously dying"

And she'd say "I felt like that this morning"

Ha!

She came over and stayed for SEVEN hours today, when I have a 1 yr old and 10 week old to look after.

Maybe I should end this shit but sometimes we do have such a laugh, maybe 7 hours of her is just too much for me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Elmo311 · 12/06/2019 23:46

@StillCoughingandLaughing that made me laugh out loud, thank you!

OP posts:
BackforGood · 12/06/2019 23:50

Can you not try the stalwart "You're welcome" when people have omitted such basic manner as to say thanks ?

HennyPennyHorror · 12/06/2019 23:53

She probably wasn't brought up to say it OP. I wasn't...I mean I sort of was but not really. My manners were extremely poor when I went to uni but I taught myself from looking at others.

Wearywithteens · 12/06/2019 23:55

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Pipandmum · 13/06/2019 00:00

Seven hours? Goodness I’d have said ‘it’s been great to see you but I need to put the kids down and get on with things’ after two!

Original poster
Elmo311 · 13/06/2019 00:05

@BackforGood I could try that but I don't like being passive aggressive, but maybe it's the only way?!

OP posts:
pineapplebryanbrown · 13/06/2019 00:06

I have a friend who will give of herself and do anything for you, truly anything. I say thank you a lot. If I give her a substantial gift or do something massive she doesn't say thank you. I think she thinks that her actions are thank yous. She's not British though, which may be it.

Original poster
Elmo311 · 13/06/2019 00:07

@HennyPennyHorror I wonder if you are right about that, but we are both in our 30's so I feel like she should know by now? !

OP posts:
Original poster
Elmo311 · 13/06/2019 00:08

@Wearywithteens haha! Yes! I could do the same and still get nothing.

I don't think I can put up with this for much longer...

OP posts:
TheSilveryPussycat · 13/06/2019 00:09

I tend not to thank unless I pay close attention to what I'm saying. Friends have pulled me up on it over the years. Sometimes it's because my reaction shows I'm thankful (or so I think!), other times because thanking as a politeness seems somehow insincere. Am better at thanking now, I think...

OneHanded · 13/06/2019 00:16

Oh god @StillCoughingandLaughing that tickled me!! Grin

crazyasafox · 13/06/2019 00:17

@Elmo311

Maybe she feels a bit embarrassed at being 'poor' so thinks not acknowledging your kindness (which she may see as charity) means it is not happening???

Maybe ask her.. Say 'are you OK with me giving you stuff, as you haven't acknowledged it, and it seems a bit odd.' Some people don't like handouts. I know you mean it kindly, but maybe she doesn't like it. I would chop my own toes off before I would accept charity, even though the 'giver' would only be doing it out of kindness.

TheWristBoundLatexBitch · 13/06/2019 00:18

I'm socially awkward but can still manage a thank you! In fact I say thank you more than I should but I'd rather that than be rude

cstaff · 13/06/2019 00:19

I really don't get this tbh. It really is just good manners to say thank you or some form of acknowledgement. I have a boss who thanks me for just doing my job. That is not normal with your friend. In fact I would call that downright rude and would definitely start calling her up on it.

GreenTulips · 13/06/2019 00:23

Can you start a conversation ‘I bumped into Deidre today and brought her a coffee .... didn’t even say thank you - how rude can some people be?

Original poster
Elmo311 · 13/06/2019 00:30

@crazyasafox Interesting take on it. She is a very blunt person so I do think she'd just tell me if she wasn't comfortable with it. She has ordered things online second hand so I do not see how the sleepsuit could offend, or maybe it is different as it's coming from a friend?.

I did say to her before she arrived about food and she said she has no £, but I didn't reply to that as she was on her way. My Tesco order let me down so I didn't have much to offer her to eat, and she's pregnant so can't exactly not feed her! Lol
I don't expect a big song and dance about it , I don't expect her to pay me back, but I do think that a thank you would've been so nice.

I feel so annoyed that I'm still awake and I have a DC who will be awake in 5 hours! Haha

I think you're right and I should just ask her.

Thank you !

OP posts:
Original poster
Elmo311 · 13/06/2019 00:33

@GreenTulips Love that you chose 'Deidre' as a name example! Haha
I will try that when I next see her!

OP posts:
Original poster
Elmo311 · 13/06/2019 00:34

@cstaff Glad I am not going mad! I will call her up on it at some point I'm sure. I don't really want to stress her out right now as she just wants to concentrate on her baby which is fair enough.

OP posts:
cstaff · 13/06/2019 00:41

I like the story about Deirdre also Grin. It gets your point across but doesn't make it about her so unless she is a bit thick or a complete CF it should do the job.

StoppinBy · 13/06/2019 00:42

My sister is the same, it drives me nuts. I always send her kids birthday and xmas money but never get a thank you, she does not do the same for my kids.

I leant her a substantial amount of money so she could buy a car and still not a thank you in sight.

Don't let it bother you, give if you want to, don't if you don't want to but I think it's best to accept that she will always be like this even though it is very rude and annoying otherwise it makes it harder in you while they don't give it a second thought.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.