Is friend BU for sending me photos of her holidays whilst I’m recently bereaved?

[Kukumbr]

3 days ago a very close relative died. I am obviously very upset about this. Best friend (let’s call her A!) knew relative was ill and about to pass, and that they had passed. I got an ‘I’m sorry’ and when I tried to carry on talking about it I simply received a ‘:(‘ emoji. Fine, sometimes there’s just nothing to say, would’ve appreciated the effort of a few more words but okay. Have spoken on and off about the death, plus other things, over the last few days since it happened. However today she’s just sending me her holiday pictures, hasn’t asked how I am doing. I know life goes on and I may be expecting too much. I feel like she’s the type of friend where if it doesn’t directly involve her, it doesn’t concern her, and she is quite selfish and only ever talks about herself really. I am feeling aggrieved that she’s sending me holiday pictures whilst I’m sat here in tears grieving my relative.

Sorry for wall of text. Try and go easy, I am still fragile

Yanbu. Sorry for your loss op. She isnt a friend at all. I would take this as an opportunity to cut this friendship. What an insensitive, self absorbed person.

When my dad died my friends continued with normal everyday messages like sending me their holiday photos because life goes on. But the big difference is that they also took time to visit me, to talk to me for hours, to text back and forth, to come to the funeral. So if the photos were just a small part of an overall really healthy friendship I'd say yabu. But since they're part of a pattern of her being selfish and uninterested in you, then you are definitely not being unreasonable.

I'm very sorry for your loss. Sadly, she doesn't sound like much of a friend.

I've wasted a lot of time in the past on people who were very selfish on a day-to-day basis, because I believed that they were true friends deep down and they'd magically come through for me if I ever really needed them. They very rarely did.

I was convinced of one friend's hidden heart of gold for sixteen years, despite the fact that she blatantly wasn't even interested in me, just in talking at me non-stop about herself. Eventually, I had a very difficult pregnancy and she was still only interested in calling me up and screaming down the phone at me about how upset she was because she'd just picked a fight with someone on social media. (Seriously, she wanted to call me at 2am, when I could barely walk for pain, and wail about the fact that she'd told a Tumblr "friend" that they weren't allowed to post about enjoying The Book of Mormon because it was racist, and they'd bullied her by saying they didn't really want to talk about The Book of Mormon and blah blah blah. She was in her thirties, by the way, not thirteen).

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that people who are selfish in the little things are very often selfish in the big things too. I'm sorry, OP.

I would expect anyone who really cared to be compassionate first and foremost, which your friend certainly hasn't been and it does sound as if she has form for selfishness. I wonder if sending those photos and waiting for a reply is effectively her saying 'Me, look at ME, me, me, me'? As in …. you've had this major, shocking event to deal with and she feels you've had 'enough' attention now and is trying to reverse that? Some people can be hateful if they're not the centre of attention, whatever the circumstances.

^

This.

So sorry for you loss, OP.

You are going through a bereavement and all the shock, loss and sadness that involves. This is YOUR time, and you are most definitely NOT being unreasonable.

Sorry to be a ‘me too’, but similar behaviour from a friend, also, of 20 years standing, was the final blow for me. We only spoke once after my mother’s death, I rang her when she was out shopping with a new friend, who she kept turning from the phone to speak to. On the day of my mother’s funeral, I didn’t even receive a text but had a voicemail the next day saying she was sorry she hadn’t texted, but she’d had a busy day too. So even as I was burying my mum, it was still about her.

I’ve blocked her completely ever since. It feels good.

Sometimes the enormity of a bereavement can help you to focus on the things that really matter in life. Be strong. Cut this ‘friend’ out, please.

💐💐💐

I’m sorry for your loss too.

You don’t need our permission to free yourself of a non friend.

It’s at times like these you need friends around you, not people who drain you.

I was coming in here to ask if she might be trying to distract you with the photos but.... no she's shutting you down with them. It's not okay, she's not supporting you.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Some people just handle death badly I'm afraid.

I think it stirs up some deep fears in people, and they don't know how to respond appropriately.

When my dad died very unexpectedly, nearly 2 years ago. I was frankly surprised by who reached out, and who didn't. People I thought I was close with never said a word, whereas people I thought I wasn't close with, couldn't have been kinder or more loving.

I'll send her a message saying that you are grieving and you'll be in touch when you feel better( end of a bad friendship)
I find that as I get older I have less time for bad anything.
I want better for myself. If she can't understand how sad you are then she isn't sensitive to your needs.

Lol, she’s just text me asking how I am.

Ignore, and block.