Is friend BU for sending me photos of her holidays whilst I’m recently bereaved?

[Kukumbr]

3 days ago a very close relative died. I am obviously very upset about this. Best friend (let’s call her A!) knew relative was ill and about to pass, and that they had passed. I got an ‘I’m sorry’ and when I tried to carry on talking about it I simply received a ‘:(‘ emoji. Fine, sometimes there’s just nothing to say, would’ve appreciated the effort of a few more words but okay. Have spoken on and off about the death, plus other things, over the last few days since it happened. However today she’s just sending me her holiday pictures, hasn’t asked how I am doing. I know life goes on and I may be expecting too much. I feel like she’s the type of friend where if it doesn’t directly involve her, it doesn’t concern her, and she is quite selfish and only ever talks about herself really. I am feeling aggrieved that she’s sending me holiday pictures whilst I’m sat here in tears grieving my relative.

Sorry for wall of text. Try and go easy, I am still fragile

Yanbu, that’s really insensitive. I would stick her on mute for a while and take comfort from people who are more supportive. I hope you’re ok

My Aunty did this to me the day my grandma died.

I've never forgotten it and I wish I'd called her on it at the time but I just ignored it.

Take care x

Thank you both. I was expecting to be told IABU.

Yanbu at all. That is not the behaviour of a friend.

Yanbu
Receiving an emoji as a complete text message is bad enough.

No YANBU. I've realised for myself recently that hard times reveal who your true friends are. Your friend sounds v self involved. Just cool it with your replies- you've got other things on your mind.

YANBU. Sorry for your loss OP

That's very insensitive, though some people are really weird about bereavement. I got a few really inappropriate responses when DH died. It's possible that in some strange way she's decided that sharing her holiday will cheer you up.

If she's a good friend usually then I'd overlook it long term but while you're in the first flush of bereavement I think you'd be wise to stay off social media. Everyone posts about their happy times and it's bound to grate.

If she's actually sending the pictures directly to you, rather than sharing them more widely on Facebook or suchlike, then if you can't ignore her you could just say that while you're glad she's having a good time, the contrast between your situations can only make it very painful.

I have tried to withdraw from this friendship several times previously but end up drawn back in. She is too draining, and clearly doesn’t care about me.

Sorry for your loss op Some people cannot deal with death, so ignore it. It’s not great, but if a friend is otherwise supportive, helpful, kind etc then I’d be ok. Not sure that’s the case here op? Do you feel like you are seeing her true colours?

She's sent you the pics as a way of shitting you down.
I don't care about your grief, I very busy having fun.

You def need to try to withdraw from her. What stopped you last time?

I'm sorry for your loss x

So let this be an opportunity to cut yourself free. Focus on people who support you.

YANBU, that’s very insensitive of her. If she’s normally a good friend I would cool the friendship until you’ve recovered a bit more (or call her out on it if you feel up to it). Otherwise I would just slowly fade her out.

Also recently bereaved here and one friend sent me a dozen photos of a party for her child.
People can be very weird.

Sorry cross-posted. Definitely fade her out.

Yes, these are certainly her true colours. She’s extraordinarily selfish, but at a time like this I thought she’d come through for me but no, she’s taken a photo to send directly to me

@mintcucumber I wouldn’t have minded photos of a child’s party as I do love children and id see that as her attempt at cheering me up. However sending me photos of her and her partner’s Prosecco glasses across views, just comes across as callous

YANBU. Sorry for your loss OP. For now, just be gentle on yourself and get through everything you need to get through. I do wonder whether this might end up being the thing you couldn’t get past, with this friend - understandable if so - but either way that’s a decision that can wait.

Had similar ish insensitive response from my father (with whom I have never been close) earlier this year, shortly after my grandad (with whom I was close) died. I’d texted my dad - who had been asking to catch up with me and the DC - along the lines of ‘sorry to have been so flaky, my grandad has just died, he’s been unwell for a while so that’s taken up quite a bit of time and energy, yes let’s fix a date’. Dad replied ‘thanks sweetheart glad you’re all well’ or something, then some suggested dates. I wanted to reply ‘we’re not all well! We’re fucking bereaved! I think you mean ‘sorry for your loss “sweetheart”!’, but of course I just went right back to being flaky and not replying at all...

So sorry for your loss.

This would be enough to phase out the friendship for me, I cant deal with that level of emotional immaturity in an adult. Its almost offensive, in fact.

It is true, you do find out who your real friends are in a crisis.
The friendship has an unhealthy balance, very one sided.
I am sorry for your loss OP.

Block her. Do you really want/need someone so inconsiderate in your life?

Thank you for the well wishes everyone, I responded to the first two photos, and she sent another I won’t be replying. I’ve muted and archived the chat (whatsapp).

Just seen your post about her sending you the pic of the prosecco glasses
Yes I think this is the final straw isnt it. That is very hurtful.

Don’t lose a relative and a friend. It’s insensitive of her, but you can decide not to mind and to let it go. Don’t be offended, let it go.

Sorry for your loss.

Maybe she was trying to take your mind off it for a bit. Try and take a bit of time to reconnect with others. Grief can swallow you up. Life does go on, it’s hard because in the immediate few days it seems strange to look out the window and see people going about their lives.