Me BU or MIL?

[Pippin86]

Relationship with MIL been somewhat strained since arrival of baby, but not particularly awful.
She hasn’t had much involvement, she calls round occasionally but that’s about it.
Recently she’s asked to start watching her on her own which I was fine with- so I initiated this on her day off just for an hour or so while little one got more familiar- been glued to me since birth to be honest!
So upto now its only happened the once, I’ve suggested other times but MIL cannot do these due to things like having to go to the supermarket and general things like that. Which is fine it’s her life.
I sensed she seemed abit fed up when I last saw her so I text asking if she wanted baby on Saturday morning for a few hours- we have plans on Saturday afternoon and father’s day is Sunday so to be honest Saturday morning only time that suits!
She asked what time and I replied
‘ any time that suits you as we will probably collect her about 12pm as we’re out in the afternoon’
Her response was-

This really isn't what I want, or expected, I don't think your being very considerate, you knew when you have stayed at mine, I don't get up on till around 10am, it may sound lazy to you but that's how I am now

I havnt replied .. I’m not sure what to say?
That’s completely fine if she doesn’t want to get up.. but does she still get to moan?
I obviously don’t want this to escalate but unsure what to say or do.
Obviously we’ve never been offered any help with baby which again completely her call. But I’d like to think she’d see her because it would benefit our baby and also help us- rather than just suiting her ?
am I being unreasonable just saying the morning ?

‘ Has * let you know I won’t be seeing this weekend ‘

Well she's just being ridiculous now and clearly spoiling for an argument. Luckily she's not your mother so let DH deal with it or not deal with, his problem/choice

How should you respond? IMO the best advice you've received on the whole thread is this:

I'd leave her to it and say 'ok not to worry!'

Send this, and once you've sent it, don't reply to any more unproductive texts. She's sending inflammatory messages because she wants a reaction. She also wants your world to grind to a halt while you worry she's upset with you and move mountains to accommodate her wants/needs.

Don't. When she realizes her attention-seeking isn't generating her any attention, she'll stop. Arguing with silence is never any fun.

‘ Has let you know I won’t be seeing this weekend*.

I've cross-posted with a number of other posts. The message you've quoted above is seriously manipulative. On no account should this kind of emotional blackmail be allowed to succeed. She now needs to stew in silence until she learns this isn't going to get her the response she wants.

This woman is showing you who she really is.

Ah the fair weather dgps. They want dgc hand delivered at their convenience only. Forgetting the actual dps have a routine /life too!
Back away op. You won't win.
She presumably knows where you live. Road goes both ways etc....

I'd like to know exactly what the new message to DH said but I think we are unanimous here, this woman doesn't want to see her grandchild, she wants to see you upset

It's important you and DH show a united front right from the getgo. She's useing divide and conquer techniques here, show her now that won't work. Nip it in the bud.

Instead of messaging just sit down and have a chat and work out what everyone is thinking and what would make everyone happy. Have a REAL conversation

You need to be more up front. I would have replied 'you sound really angry at me? Can you let me know why?' or similar.

Your reply was perfect.

You don't need to bite... you hold all the cards. She wants to see your child, she plays nicely. You're clearly more than willing to find a time to suit her, so there really is no problem here. The only problem is her rudeness and spoiling for a fight, so you are now perfectly justified in ignoring her :)

Oh and yes to divide and conquer. She clearly wants to make ripples at your end as she feels somehow she's not being given her due.

So your DH shows a united front:

'Yes, sorry we couldn't find a time to suit! Maybe next weekend. Enjoy your lie in'

:)

She really is spoiling for an argument!
If my DH replied anything other than “Yeah, of course. See you another time”, I’d be annoyed