Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex lied about his job

58 replies

mdep · 11/06/2019 23:18

My ex always told me he was a civil engineer, but he's not, he's a construction worker doing road works. Nothing wrong with this but having not know previously what being a civil engineer consists of (a lot of hard work and degrees) I've realised he most definitely lied and called himself this title falsely.

I want it changed on my son's birth certificate as it's a lie. I left him due to abuse and hate that he's known as a civil engineer without having done the work for it.

I'm such a fool.

WIBU to try and get this changed?

OP posts:
Thelittlemermaidphoto · 11/06/2019 23:19

How would you even prove it though? He’d be asked and he’d just say it was correct.

Original poster
mdep · 11/06/2019 23:22

@Thelittlemermaidphoto no idea. He's never been a civil engineer though and it does my head in that my son's birth certificate has a lie on it.

OP posts:
louise5754 · 11/06/2019 23:25

I wasn't working when I had my
eldest so they just asked me what my previous job was. I suppose that's a lie really.

Original poster
mdep · 11/06/2019 23:28

@louise5754 at least you actually did the job though.

OP posts:
LadyWithLapdog · 11/06/2019 23:29

How deceitful was your ex? There are big chunks of his life, or at least a few years of “university life” he must have lied about. :(

Thelittlemermaidphoto · 11/06/2019 23:31

Just read up, even if you could change it (which might need his say so) they would only put a note in the margin anyway. So the offending title would still be there.

I know you hate it but maybe it would be better to let it go and just tell your friends and family if they ever bring up his job...?

Original poster
mdep · 11/06/2019 23:32

@LadyWithLapdog he didn't even finish his GCSEs. I know, I'm a fool to have believed anything he said.

OP posts:
Mumoftwoyoungkids · 11/06/2019 23:32

My dad was a chartered civil engineer. (So he has the masters and the post grad qualification.)

Civil engineer does not have protected status so anyone who has anything to do with civil engineering can count themselves as a civil engineer. (Believe me on this one - it was the subject of many a dad-rant!) They can’t call themselves a “chartered civil engineer” but they can call themselves a “civil engineer”.

It’s similar to someone who works on a help desk saying that they work in IT or an admin person at the BBC saying that they work “in television”. A bit poncey but technically ok.

Anyone who knows about civil engineering knows what civil engineer (as opposed to chartered civil engineer) means.

Original poster
mdep · 11/06/2019 23:34

@Thelittlemermaidphoto it's more my son to be honest. It feels toe curlingly wrong for him to have a lie on his birth certificate relating to his horrid father who has abused us all.

OP posts:
Original poster
mdep · 11/06/2019 23:35

@Mumoftwoyoungkids but he's a tarmaccer. A tarmaccer can call them self a civil engineer?!

OP posts:
user1473878824 · 11/06/2019 23:37

I understand why you feel this way but honestly stop worrying about it. I’m 30 and I’ve seen my birth certificate about once and then it got lost and meh. It means nothing. Just be glad he is your ex! Your son is probably never even going to know about the birth certificate and if he does is almost certainly not going to care.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 11/06/2019 23:51

Mumoftwoyoungkids but he's a tarmaccer. A tarmaccer can call them self a civil engineer?!

As it is not a protected status technically anyone can call themselves one.

My husband takes my photo sometimes so I could call myself a model. Ok - everyone would know I was a lying pretentious prat but no one can actually stop me.....

Oh - and did I mention I’m an actress? (Mary in the nativity play in 1984.)

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 11/06/2019 23:55

I guess what I’m trying to say is that you just need to see the pathetic side of it - only someone really insecure would feel the need to pretend. Nothing wrong with being a tarmaccer - they make the roads safe for all of us. So why exaggerate?

PawPawNoodle · 11/06/2019 23:58

An aspect of civil engineering does broadly cover road maintenance so it isn't as though he is proclaiming to be prime minister or something. I don't think 'tarmac operative' has the same ring to it.

SandyY2K · 12/06/2019 00:01

I know civil engineers and they haven't referred to themselves as chartered civil engineers.

They were definitely chartered, as this was a requirement of their role.

Perhaps they didn't feel the need to say it, as it was a given they were chartered.

OP... it's similar to a bin man calling himself a waste disposal technician.

It sounds like he was deliberately deceitful, because if didn't go to college and study civil engineering, he knows he's a construction worker.

Did he come across as intelligent?

jarofheart · 12/06/2019 00:01

I know how horrible it must feel knowing he's lied, but I couldn't tell you what my dads job title is on my birth certificate - i mean, I could have a good guess as he had the same job all his life but you see what I mean.

lilpumpsmum · 12/06/2019 00:02

My ex realised he put the wrong place for his town of birth when we were registering DS Confused. An absolute nugget he is.

"Oh hold on... I wasn't born in Lewisham, it was Stretham! Hahahaha"

Angry
Jemima232 · 12/06/2019 00:03

Let it go, OP. Just let it go.

I know you hate your ex and want to hurt him as much as he's hurt you, but this won't achieve anything. In fact, as you'll need his permission to change the BC you'll just end up with more controlling behaviour from him about it.

AlunWynsKnee · 12/06/2019 00:08

Your ex will let your ds down in many more important ways. Don't try to erase that evidence on his behalf. You can't fix his father.

timeisnotaline · 12/06/2019 00:09

I’m with the people who say you just think it’s pathetic and move on. I couldn’t tell you if my parents occupations are on my birth certificate and I’ve definitely looked at it a few times in the past decade with international moves etc. It won’t affect your son.

TanMateix · 12/06/2019 00:14

Nobody ever checks birth certificates (or the three of you will be dead when your great granddaughter reaches retirement and start researching her genealogy to kill time).

It is NOT worth the upset to change it.

EdWinchester · 12/06/2019 00:15

Blimey. Just move on.

Civil engineer looks better than road worker. Grin

jarofheart · 12/06/2019 00:23

Civil engineer looks better than road worker. 

DFIL asked that I put him down as a retired lawyer rather than his actual post retirement job (postman to kill the time until DMIL retired) on our marriage certificate as it sounded better 😂

bobinks · 12/06/2019 00:36

It is not your fault he was/is deceitful and you should in no way feel 'such a fool' (as you said in one post). People who lie in this way are the ones at fault not those who were honest/kind/loving enough to take them at their word.

That said, I'm not sure you can (or need to) do anything about the birth certificate. If/when your son asks about or it comes up in the future, just tell him the truth. He will no doubt have the measure of his dad by then, anyhow.

Good luck with the new start Wine Flowers

BitOfFun · 12/06/2019 01:29

It's a lighthearted bone of contention between my mother and her sister that my grandad's occupation on their marriage certificates is listed on one as "thermal insulation engineer", and on the other as "lagger" Grin. I think it's more common than you'd imagine.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread