Ex lied about his job

[mdep]

My ex always told me he was a civil engineer, but he's not, he's a construction worker doing road works. Nothing wrong with this but having not know previously what being a civil engineer consists of (a lot of hard work and degrees) I've realised he most definitely lied and called himself this title falsely.

I want it changed on my son's birth certificate as it's a lie. I left him due to abuse and hate that he's known as a civil engineer without having done the work for it.

I'm such a fool.

WIBU to try and get this changed?

He’s just bagging up his job.

You get it all the time
Vehicle Technician was Mechanic
Domestic technician was cleaner.
FM Manager was housekeeper.
Beauty Technician was Beautician

Your ex works on the road so that’s a civil job and he needs to know what he doing so it’s technical possibly he needs to find (Engineer) a solution to a problem hole so job role is
Civil Engineer qed

If it makes them feel good and it doesn’t hurt anyone what’s the problem

Op were you on a thread about occupations months ago where you suddenly had the realisation he was a construction worker? Just wondering as I think I remember you.

I had an ex who worked in IT call themselves an Engineer. They were a systems engineer - but still. A fancy title for someone who uploads data patches to computer systems and turns computers off and on.

I had no respect for him.

Many people call themselves engineers who don’t have degrees. A lot of boiler makers do it if they design something. I know someone else who tells everyone (including their entire family) that they are an engineer and they really aren’t. Your ex is an asshole. Don’t worry about it.

My ex put down the wrong date of birth. He was a massive bullshitter too

I still have no idea if he did it intentionally but I haven’t tried to change it. Why bother

My dad's a (proper) civil engineer. He spent 40 years doing whatevertheydo overseeing road + railways. It's part of what they do. Car journeys were always fun as a kid "designed that bridge", "did this road", "HSBC building was one of mine"

Think of it as evidence for the future of him lying. He’s committed the lie to paper officially for all to see.

A lot of companies advertise roles as "engineers" when they're technically not. Are you sure that his job title wasn't civil engineer? Have you seen his contract?

Just to add, if I were employed in this job, I would have put myself down as a civil engineer too, even though it is technically not a "engineer" job.

www.indeed.co.uk/m/viewjob?jk=1c12047275805f68&from=serp

OP I would get it changed if it's at all possible. I have no way how to go about this though.

Your DS shouldn't have to go through life hoping nobody will ever ask him what university his father graduated from or what companies he worked for, or what projects he worked on, which sometimes happens when a birth cert has to be presented. He shouldn't be put in a position (however remote) where he either responds with the truth about his father or maintains the lie. He doesn't need to be reminded of the lie or the fact that his father was a liar every time he looks at his BC.

*no idea how to go about this...

I really wouldn't give it headspace OP. If anything, it is proof there in black and white that he is the kind of person who feels the need to big himself up.

A construction worker is a civil engineer, Road Construction is difficult and dangerous. I am really concerned that you feel it will be helpful to your son to believe his father was a nothing. I am sorry he was abusive and I am glad you are both safe, but really if you can’t tell your boy anything good , tell him nothing.

You can change a birth certificate, as I did when I changed my dc's surnames, but it seems wrong to change what he considered his job title.

I think they’d only change it by putting a note in the margin with a correction - so then the lie would be more visible and obvious.

You could call your local registrar and ask exactly how they’d do it, but honestly I’d just see it as a bit pathetic and move on.

@mathsanxiety I can 100% say no one has ever ever asked me about my father's profession when I have had to present my birthcert! Nor anyone I've ever know.

It would be intrusive and could be very awkward. "So this says your father was a doctor, what university did he go to?" "No idea, he's dead/abandoned me at birth/has dementia so I can't check". There is absolutely no reason to ask about a parents' profession when presenting a bc. None. It's accepted as a valid legal document and therefore does not require verbal double checking. If someone thinks is a fake they would check into it behind the scenes, not ask the potential fraudster.

I think the OP is feeling angry and frustrated enough with toerag of ex without suggesting to her that her dc may be cross examined on the bc in 20 years time.

I'd be interested to hear about the circumstances where that has happened to you.

Your DS shouldn't have to go through life hoping nobody will ever ask him what university his father graduated from or what companies he worked for, or what projects he worked on, which sometimes happens when a birth cert has to be presented.

Who on earth is going to need his birth certificate for that? Whenever I've needed to present a birth certificate, it's been to confirm my name and date of birth, not what job my father was doing 35 years ago.

If DS asks about it. "He called himself a civil engineer, he worked on the tarmac".
No doubt people do this all the time

Were you not together very long OP? Did you not know where he worked and what he was doing at work?

Just had a thought that I might be being naive as an Irish immigrant to the UK. Would that type of questioning be used for immigration status for other nationalities @mathanxiety?

I'm 47 and I don't think anyone's ever asked me what University my parents went to.

"Engineering" is a really broad term though.
Many people at manh different levels call themselves an engineer.
A relative of mine called himself a civil engineer- he did exactly the same role as your ex.
I suppose its not completely wrong as he works IN civil engineering

Take a deep breath. And let it all go.
You resent your ex. Perfectly understandable given the circumstances.
But this is not worth one second of angst.
Your son is unlikely to ever look at the certificate and think well of him because he has a fancy job title. It is being a good parent and good person which will make him do that.
He is much more likely to be impressed by the woman who cared for him and brought him up by herself, than a stranger with a fancy job title.

It doesn't matter. Your child will get the measure of the man from you, from his other relations, from any dealings with their dad. I would do what my mum did for us.

She made us a childhood folder - it had birth certificate, immunisation cards, red book equivalent, details of grandparents (like a mini biography with names/addresses/occupations/likes/dislikes/key illnesses and dates/ date and reason for death) and same details for Dad after he left. Then added copies of their birth/marriage certificates and our passports/National Insurance cards etc.

It was just a small folder but gave us all the information and documentation we needed for the future.

In their info include a note with "from x date to y date your dad worked as a road re-surfacer for z"

@Jemima232 I really don't want to hurt him. I just want to recover from his horrid abuse and I keep finding one thing after another to remind he of him

@purplecatt not me, but wish I had realised months ago before he put it on the BC. It might seem like I am overreacting but it's so hard to move on from an abusive person with shit like this round every corner.