To think this is not enough?

[Ella1980]

Long story short... I have two kids half of the time (the rest of the time they live with their dad) and a fiancé. We both work ft-I'm currently on around £900 pm and him on around £1400. No other income except Child Benefit for one boy.

We are renting a small 3-bed for £850 pm.

Every month fiancé pays some money into my account.

Out of my account comes nearly all of the food, all expenses for the boys, council tax and all bills inc rent. He pays for his own fuel, that's about it.

Last month he paid into my account £750. Personally I think this is not enough!

Ballpark figure, what would you say is reasonable?

I am sick of struggling 😢

Thank you all so much for your advice x

We put all ours into one account, works for us but perhaps not others.

As a fiancé I guess you're expecting him to contribute towards your children? If that's not been discussed and decided upon I can see why he might not consider it- you only have the children half the week, does their father contribute equally towards them?

How much do bills and food come to, plus the outstanding 100 for the rent?

How much are the household bills?
Ideally, after expenses, you should both be left with roughly the same amount.

My ex earns £105k pa+, he's just purchased a £39k car, a £6.5k engagement ring and a £7k hot tub in one week. What does he pay me? Nothing. Never has, never will!!

Well Council Tax alone is £158 then all other bills too. Food varies but with kids it's about £60ish per week.

Fiancé doesn't contribute at all for my kids.

Total all your bills, total all your cash. Ignore cb because that’s your sons money.

Well with the ex go to CSA or whatever it's called and put in a claim. But you cannot begrudge him spending his money.
I would be having serious talks with the fiance about the kids. He didn't just take on you, but also them. And in the meantime, I would be holding off the wedding and plans for children with him.
My ex was an arse but he never begrudged putting in cash for them as they were a part of the home.

You work full time for £900 per month? That must be under minimum wage (it appears to be under the income tax threshold) unless you make huge pension contributions.

If you have the children half the time, I'm not sure why there would need to be child maintenance from the ex?

850 rent
150 council tax
250 food
150 other bills (estimate) = £1400

Proportionately based on your salaries,
I would think it fair if he paid about £900 in and you paid £500.

The issue is your ex

Did you not discuss finances with your DF before loving together

If you both have the children half of the time then he doesn’t need to pay you maintenance

Your partner doesn’t split the rent, bills or council tax? Why not? And it’s a bit petty not to pay half the food bill too, even if your kids are there half the week as he earns 50% more than you. Why doesn’t your ex pay child support?
It doesn’t sound as if your current partner is paying his fair share, not is your ex.
You should set up a joint household account where each of you put in a set amount each month (be it a percentage or just a split) and pay all household bills, joint expenses (like going out and trips) and food out of that. Then you have your own account for personal items and things for your kids.

But theworldistoosmall, OP has just revealed that the children's father does not pay her maintenance (though he does appear to have 50:50 contact)
I'm guessing the fiancé is reluctant to pick up the slack for OP's ex, particularly if he's as wealthy as she says

Ex applied for full custody when we split 6 years ago-boys were 3 and 6. I was primary caregiver, he had very little to do with them. He was abusive throughout our marriage and FURIOUS I'd left him. His parting words were "I'll leave you without a penny, bitch". Courts went 50:50.

The children live half of the time with their Dad therefore he shouldn't have to pay any maintenance.

If you and your ex have the DC for 50% of the time each then I can see why he doesn't pay anything to you for maintenance. I presume you pay for them when they live with you and he pays for them when they are living with him. Sounds okay to me. I don't think how much he earns, what car he drivessand whether he has a hot tub matters when you split custody 50/50.

I think you and your fiance should either each pay 50% of the rent and bills or pro rate it based on income. e.g. You pay 9/23 and he pays 14/23 of the rent and bills. Is there an issue whereby your fiance doesn't want to pay towrads looking after your children?

Assuming you marry, will you then split things differently? I woud suggest you have a conversation about this and air any issues you have and sort them out before you get married.

Hang on - is your problem that your new partner doesn't pay a share for your DCs? You can't expect that. They are yours.

He should be paying 50/50 on the house costs though because that's his home too.

I technically 'lose money' because my husband pays CM but I also don't mind stuffing in money for birthdays or paying for treats. That's normal and fine but if he asked me for money directly for CM I'd be a bit offended. Their mum and him look after them. I also don't expect to have a single opinion on them or their upbringing other than positive reinforcement and kindness. They arent mine.

Why should the children's dad pay maintenance if it's 50/50, any more than she should pay it to him?

Current partner needs to split outgoings more fairly and OP needs a job that pays a living wage.

Dad should pay child maintenance as he earns a significant amount more.

But @black the children's father has them for 50% of the time when he is presumably paying for food, housing, clothing and activities for them. Why should he pay his ex for raising them for 50% of the time when she doesn't pay him? If he doesn't sell them short, buys them nice clothes and does nice things with them. My DH's kid's mum has them 95% of the time because we live overseas. Correspondingly DH's CM is very high. When we see the kids they have designer clothes/trainers, have what they need, are well fed, healthy, looked after and mentally well. That's the exchange- if it's 50/50 then surely there is nothing to pay? Obviously we top up when they want a special thing but if you live 50% with a relatively wealthy parent who takes care of you, you won't need much extra?

Ex shouldn't be paying any child maintenance because he has them half the time and your fiancé shouldn't be paying anything towards your kids either because they aren't his. Tough titty I'm afraid

How can he only bring home £1400 a month if he earns over £100k a year???

Oh sorry its your ex that earns £105k.

If you have 50:50 no one pays anyone any maintenance

It would be shitty if rich ex had them 50% but left them with holes in their shoes and no toys or school expenses but we don't know if this is the case. OP?

You need to get a grip of your finances.

Add up all your household bills for say the past three months then work out the average.

How much does your df earn?

Then work out a fair share of the bills.

However, if you maried an abusive man before and are questioning the amount the new fiane gives you and he wont contribute at all to your child, despite being almost a family, having some counselling or doing the freedom programme might be worthwhile