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AIBU?

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Original poster

to think I can't be the only one who worries about my child dying?

53 replies

lampshine · 10/06/2019 22:50

I was told it'd get easier as my child got older, but he's 7 months now and I still stare at him at night because I think he's going I die.

I had a traumatic pregnancy and we thought something was wrong with him but he's fine.

I had a traumatic birth, he was pretty poorly to start off with as he was only 4lbs11 (at 38 weeks).

When he was about 3 months he was admitted to hospital as he stopped breathing a few times for very short periods. Enough to turn him purple. Nothing wrong with him, just a blip!

I now as a result, do not sleep. Tell me it'll pass? I'm exhausted.

OP posts:
1624RL · 10/06/2019 22:56

I used to always think I’d go in and find dd dead in her cot. It got less when dc2 was born 18 months later (and I had more than 1 child to think about), but they are 8&6 now and I still consider every day a blessing, and still worry that they might die. It probably doesn’t help that I work in healthcare and have seen children die.

DonPablo · 10/06/2019 22:57

Oh honey, of course you feel like that. What a time you've had of it.

Do you have one of those angel care monitors, is that they're called? Breathing monitors. And do you have anyone who would gale a shift at watching the baby while you slept? Because although you sound like you want to stop feeling like this, working through it takes time and is especially difficult on no sleep.

The best thing you can do is find a way to get some rest. Your mum/dad/mil/sister/brother/best friend.... Anyone that would watch him while you slept for 4 hours?

Tulips1234 · 10/06/2019 22:58

I was exactly like this, I found that as ds got a bit ‘sturdier’ my anxiety eased. I used to lay awake at night thinking about all the bad things that could happen to him. Now I worry about something happening to me and leaving him without a mum.

I made a point of saying to myself ‘he is fine pull yourself together’ when I had negative thoughts and tried to think of something positive. It may be worth seeing a gp if you are struggling though, you may be suffering from ptsd. It’s hard to love someone so much isn’t it.

cestlavielife · 10/06/2019 22:59

You need to ask gp for some support for you some therapy. To address the trauma you had.
You need to address the anxiety.
It s natural and understandable but you can't care for your d's if exhausted.
Take first aid classes learn what to look out for learn how to do cpr. get monitors if you need to.
You need your sleep

Celebelly · 10/06/2019 23:00

We have an Owlet smart sock and used it with DD since she was a month old. Expensive but it lets me sleep properly knowing that if anything happens, I'll be alerted. It's been worth every penny for us as I actually sleep well when I sleep now and don't wake in a panic to check she is breathing.

Boopeedoop · 10/06/2019 23:01

I was convinced one of my children wouldn't make it to adulthood. Had terrible postnatal depression etc.
They are now both adults. Xx

Original poster
lampshine · 10/06/2019 23:01

I'm on anti anxiety medication and I have been taught baby cpr. It just doesn't help. I'm so hoping it'll ease off...

OP posts:
janetforpresident · 10/06/2019 23:01

I also think you should see a GP. Lack of sleep will only make your anxiety worse.

It's normal to worry. It's not normal to be so scared you can't sleep. Get some help so that you can enjoy this precious time with your baby without these anxieties.

QuickRedFox · 10/06/2019 23:02

Everyone feels like this.
The way I got over it was to tell myself that if anything ever happened to them I would feel awful at having wasted the time I had with them.

janetforpresident · 10/06/2019 23:03

Sorry I cross posted with you there. If your medication isn't working go back to the GP. They can try other types or increase your dose. I am on a tablet for anxiety/depression that causes drowsiness. I take it an hour or 2 before bed and sleep so well so nay be so.ething like that is available for you. They could potentially also prescribe sleeping pills if they are right for you. Please go back.

EmeraldShamrock · 10/06/2019 23:05

It happens to lots of women, it is anxiety after everything you went through, you realise how precious your baby is.
I often had those thoughts when they were baby's, I realised from your OP I haven't them in years, I take steraline so it helps keep scary thoughts at bay

VeThings · 10/06/2019 23:06

What QuickRedFox said - I also tell myself not to waste time with them

Gth1234 · 10/06/2019 23:08

you always worry, about your children, even when they are grown up. It's not real worry, it's just general concern, understandable given the background you explained .

Shinyletsbebadguys · 10/06/2019 23:12

Ds2 was seriously ill as was I when he was born and I promise it does wear off eventually. I'm glad you have medication and be kind to yourself and seek further help if you need to.

But for now , tonight...you are fine ,you are not nuts I promise. I had nightmares and ran to check his breathing for about a year after but it got less and lesstowards the end of the year. (Ds1 one as well but that birth wasn't as traumatic )

I second angelcare I got one with ds1 as I couldn't sleep without a safety net.

yourestandingonmyneck · 10/06/2019 23:14

I went through similar with first born. It eventually passed as my baby got older/stronger and was comfortable rolling over both ways.

I have heard the Angelcare monitor is good, and I notice a pp recommends the Owlet sleep sick. I hadn't heard of this before but have just looked it up and it looks good too.

I don't think it is unusual to feel like this, but I know that doesn't really help you at the moment. Do you have somebody that can help out to let you get some sleep? X

YouBoggleMyMind · 10/06/2019 23:18

I would defo recommend some counselling along side your anti-anxiety meds. I needed both to work through the trauma I went through with my DS when he was 3 weeks old. It does get easier but it took a lot of work and support to get me there and not every day is ok (today isn't for me personally). Hugs

AlunWynsKnee · 10/06/2019 23:19

Not everyone gets over it. It would be a good idea to refer yourself for talking therapy. Work it through now before it becomes a big problem.

greenlynx · 10/06/2019 23:21

It gets easier in a way but it also gets more complicated. You will always think about possible dangers at nursery, than school, etc so please get help now, don’t leave it until you’re completely exhausted.
DD was difficult pregnancy and traumatic birth. She’s the only child and has additional needs. We had baby monitor until she was 5. To be fair her bedroom was quite at a distance from the living room so she needed to call me really loudly. But the main reason was that I was worried about her and felt more comfortable having it. We took it with us while travelling as well.
I go from time to time to her room to listen her breathing, less now but still do. She’s 14. I’m working on my anxiety but it’s hard because it’s such a long standing problem. Don’t leave it for so long.

Original poster
lampshine · 11/06/2019 13:15

Thanks for all the replies. I really do hope it's the case that it gets better with time 😥

OP posts:
Fluggers · 11/06/2019 13:18

My DS is nearly five

I am consumed with worry and anxiety about him

I barely function when he's in the car with someone else

I also worry about something happening to me and him being alone - despite knowing he has a family unit who would move the heavens for him

Please get help before you end up like me Sad

Damntheman · 11/06/2019 13:39

I worry about this sometimes. My kids are 2.5 and almost 6. Most of the time I can control it though and force myself to stop thinking about it, but tragic news stories can set it off again. It's awful.

Papergirl1968 · 11/06/2019 13:56

I still worry about this and youngest dd is 15, with some self harm and suicidal tendencies which is no doubt a factor. But when I go in to wake her and she’s in a deep sleep it does cross my mind that she’s died.
And I’ve been known to poke the cat too, just to make sure he’s only asleep...

EmrysAtticus · 11/06/2019 13:59

The fear always hits me just before I fall asleep. I focus on doing what I can to keep DS safe and enjoying the time we have because there will always be some things I can't control.

Pondlifeandfrog · 11/06/2019 14:02

I have worried about this every day of my life and my DS is 3.5 yet.

I've had counselling, psychotherapy, CBT, medication. Nothing works. I'm just resigned to living with it now tbh.

Tartsamazeballs · 11/06/2019 14:10

Its normal to a degree but if it's affecting you that badly it might be postnatal anxiety. Hypervigilence is exhausting. Maybe talk to your GP or HV?

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